Prison of Souls
by OhHowDelightfullyDreadful
Summary: Thirteen year old Dib never expected to be promoted to second commander of the Swollen Eyeball. The mighty Invader Zim never expected to be on the run. And amid all the confusion of change, this new and lethal threat could be the undoing of them both.
1. A Diobolical Plot

"I can't believe it!" Red hissed, his eyes glowing like embers in his anger and his claws curling dangerously at his sides. "Does he have any idea how out of line that was? He could have killed us! Does he even realize what he did?"

"I dunno, but we could deactivate him for that,"said Purple. He clutched a plastic bucket that had been provided by a service drone to his chest. He sill felt a little sick, but not so much anymore now that he had emptied his insides into the pail, though he'd hold on to it a little longer in case he got sick again.

Technicians stood at their posts faithfully, pressing buttons and eying monitors. The system was stable now, but they needed to be sure that the ship's new power cell was safe. They couldn't be to careful after what they had just been put through. It had been the first time an Irken of the esteemed Invader status had ever done something so blatantly disobedient or dangerous. But no one could truthfully say they were surprised. It was Zim who had done it after all.

"And we should!" growled the crimson-eyed emperor. "I thought our troubles with him were through when we sent him off to Earth, but apparently that wasn't enough. If Zim can take control of the _Massive_ all the way from over there, then we're not safe anywhere. He's just too dangerous and unpredictable to be kept alive."

Purple nodded slowly in agreement and set his bucket down on a control panel that wasn't in use. He'd still keep it close by, though, in case he needed it. "You know what I think? I think we should send him some help."

Red blinked at him, the anger in his face replaced by confusion. "You want to send a shrink to planet Earth?"

Purple laughed out loud and slapped his knee as if it were the funniest thing that had ever been said. Several of the technicians who had been listening in on their conversation chuckled as well. "Of course not, crazy head! But what if we sent an assassin over there disguised as reinforcement? Just think about it. Zim would let them in his base, and then Pow! Right when his guard is down they'll slice his head clean off with their Pak legs! What do you think? Huh? Huh?"

"That's excellent, Purple!" Shouted Red. A big toothy smile spread across his face, and his eyes narrowed with malice. "But who to send? Zim went to Hobo13 and _survived_. Only an elite Irken Invader could beat him, and all of them have been assigned to conquer planets already."

"Oh we could find somebody to do it. There are tons of really good assassins from planet Tonosis. I mean, they cost a bunch, but they're really, really good."

Red nodded thoughtfully and slowly stroked his chin with his silver talons. "Yeah, but Tonovians aren't Irkens. I mean, they're green and they have antennae, but the similarities end there. No one could be fooled into thinking they were sent from us."

"Zim could!" Chirped Purple, but Red ignored him.

"Plus, don't the Tonovians hate us for beating them to conquering Vort? They'll probably kill _us_ while our backs are turned."

"Ooh, you're probably right about that..."

A small ping from the computer made both of the tallest jump.

"Sirs, a transmission from planet Evastan," one of the technicians informed politely. "Accept the call?"

"Fine," said Red.

The giant monitor flashed to life, displaying the face of an Irken woman. Her emerald skin was smooth over her neutral cheekbones and pointed chin, and it was made clear from the dark look in her indigo eyes that she was not happy.

"Invader Fuz reporting for duty, sirs."She said in a soft yet dignified voice.

Both of the tallest felt their spooches tighten.

"I called to report that I was not given a spot in Operation Impending Doom. In fact, I was not even informed of the operation until it had already started. Is there any reason I have not been kept to date, or was it an honest mistake?"

"Uhh..." Purple thought nervously for something to say. Thankfully he wasn't expected to.

"I tried not make a big deal about it, but I've just been informed of_ another_ attempt at the same operation, and I_ still _was not invited to the Great Assigning. Tallests, have I done something wrong? Do you not trust me?"

"Oh we trust you," said Red as he took advantage of the situation. "We were just unable to contact you. It must have been a glitch in the system. We formally apologize for the inconvenience."

Fuz didn't seem convinced. She narrowed her midnight eyes at him, but didn't address the lie verbally.

"In fact, we have a mission for you, if you will accept it." continued the tallest. "A very dangerous invader has committed treason and actually attempted to kidnap us by taking control of our ship. We need someone to eliminate him before he can cause anymore damage."

Fuz's antennae perked with interest, and her eyes brightened. "And who is this outlaw?"

"Zim." Purple told her, having caught on to Red's idea. "You know about him, right"

Fuz shook her head. "I have been standing by on planet Evastan since my last mission, and I have received very little news from Irk. I was beginning to think you had forgotten me, or else put me away and_ pretended_ to forget me." As her eyes narrowed with distrust and suspicion, both tallest gave nervous chuckles as if to say the very idea was ridiculous.

"Zim is basically a defective. He keeps destroying stuff and messing stuff up." Explained the violet tallest. "He killed Tallest Miyuki, you know."

"No. Miyuki was eaten by a monster."

"Yeah. A monster that Zim created." He paused for a moment. "And it ate Spork too, but no body cares about him."

Red intervened, using is left arm to push his brother behind him. "Basically the situation is that Zim isn't really an invader, but he _thinks_ he is. We told him that he had a secret mission on some planet really far away called Earth, but we really just want him out of the way where he can't hurt anybody. We'll tell him that we're sending you as a reinforcement. Then when he least expects it, you take him out."

Fuz nodded with a thoughtful frown. "Very well, my tallest, I accept the mission. I will avenge Tallest Miyuki."

"And Spork." Red added with a glare at his brother.

"And Spork. I shall report again when I arrive at Earth. Until then, Invader Fuz checking out."

The screen went blank and the tallest visibly relaxed, slumping forward. For a long while they just stood there staring at the monitor, their antennae lifted only slightly from their regular position.

"You know, I had actually forgotten about her." Breathed Purple.

"Yeah me too..." mumbled Red as he leaned back and rubbed his antennae nervously. "Somebody bring some more donuts!"

The tallest both laughed a little bit as they watched a table-headed service drone jump up in alarm, antennae standing on end, and scurry towards them, holding a big bowl of donuts upon his crown. Purple snatched it from him and placed it on the control panel so that he and his older brother could devour them.

"To the Irken Empire!" toasted Red. "And to Zim's destruction!"

"Yeah!"

And the tallests, tapped their donuts together above their heads and took large, sugary bites.


	2. Departure

_**A.N. If I owned Invader Zim, I would tell you, but since I don't I would prefer to remain silent. I don't like writing disclaimers (half because it's annoying and half because it's depressing) so let it be said that there will be no other disclaimers throughout this story unless I feel like writing one. If you REALLY care about disclaimers, know that this one was meant to cover for the rest of the story.**_

The screen turned black, and all Fuz could see were her own indigo eyes staring back at her. The previous conversation was still fresh in her mind. New mission. At last. She pushed away from the tiny desk and stood quickly from her chair, holding herself perfectly straight, her arms folded behind her like a proper invader. There was no reason to wait. She would be leaving now.

Planet Evastan had had been a good place to her. It had provided for her everything she needed, from food to shelter to everything else, but she was not torn between leaving and staying. It had been far too long since she had seen some action. All the fame that had once been her's had faded with time. Now she would earn it back, and no emotional attachment to Evastan was going to get in the way.

"Computer," She said quietly. "Shut down."

_Request acknowledged. Shutting down..._

Fuz pressed a tiny button on the top of the device, and it folded in on itself, becoming a little metal cube that she put it in her Pak without a second thought.

The hut she had been living in for the past sixty years wasn't much- nothing more than a steel dome with a hole in the top, and much more humble than was normal for an Irken. But she didn't have anything more than she needed. She didn't _want _anything more than she needed. She just wanted a excuse to get off this rock and serve her empire once more.

Fuz left the desk and knelt on the dirt floor by her cot, pulling a wooden chest out from underneath. It wasn't terribly heavy, but she still grunted a little as she scooted it backwards and settled down again to open it up and sort through the contents.

There were some clothes, Evastanian clothes that she had acquired during her stay on the planet. She pulled them out of the box and set them aside, out of the way. There were some medicines too, and Fuz was wise enough to put them into her Pak to take with her.

The only thing left in the chest was a book. She stared at it blankly for a short moment before she sighed. She wouldn't be taking the book with her. It had to be kept secret and hidden. So she folded the clothes and replaced them back in the box, hiding the book beneath them. It would not be enough to protect it from someone who was hunting it specifically, but she hoped it would be enough to delude any petty thief that came along and looked through her things.

She locked the chest up once more and pushed it back under the cot something made a metallic rattle as the chest pushed against it, and Fuz gasped in recognition.

She reached her hand gently under the cot and it brought out, a little bundle that she held close in her arms like a baby. For a long time she just stared at it, her eyes growing moist until she finally set it on the floor and began to remove the cloth that it was folded in.

There lay a SIR unit, dusty and broken, limp like a doll. Fuz bit her lip and her brow creased as she wiped away some of the dirt from the robot's face. The eyes didn't glow anymore. They just stared ahead and saw nothing.

This had been her first and only customized SIR unit. It had been her best friend when all was lost, the thing that made things possible when she could not do them on her own. But now its circuitry was full of sand from the Evastanian wasteland, and the SIR wouldn't turn on.

She normally wasn't one to carry around dead weight, but useful or not, she would not leave her faithful companion behind. So she wrapped him up again in the cloth and held him in one arm, being careful that no metal showed through. She wouldn't be letting anymore sand at this bot.

So holding her SIR in her arms and her medicines in her Pak, Fuz stood in the center of her tiny, one-roomed hut and took one last look around. She didn't have very many happy memories here. All she ever did in this hut was sleep, eat, ask her computer for reports, and listen to it say "No new messages."

She walked out the door and locked it securely behind her.

* * *

"I need a new SIR unit." Fuz told the Irken, glaring at him with midnight eyes.

"And what's your name?" He asked. His own eyes never left the clipboard that he held in his hand.

"Fuz. I should be on the invaders list."

"Invader? ...You're not here. All of the invaders are already on missions."

Fuz snarled and dug her claws deeply into the counter. "That's impossible! I am an invader! I passed the test! Look again!"

"I'm looking right now!" He cried, panicky. "I'm sorry, ma'am, but I'm not authorized to give you a SIR cause you're not recorded in the files!" The Irkens red eyes scanned the clipboard carefully, and Fuz shifted her weight, growling at him.

"I accepted a mission from the tallests themselves." She hissed, leaning over the table with her hands flat on its metal surface. She was considerably taller than the red-eyed drone behind the counter so she was very intimidating. "And therefore, I am entitled to the proper equipment."

"I'm really, really sorry, but according to these files, you don't exist! Look, if you're serious, I'll contact the tallest just to confirm-"

"-Why haven't you done that already? My patience runs thin with you! Move it! GO!"

With a frightened squeak, the drone ran away somewhere behind the counter to do as she had commanded of him. Fuz groaned and ran a hand down the side of her face.

"I wouldn't have to be doing this if you were here." She said softly to the bundle that she still held in her arms. "We could have left by now."

The SIR did not respond.

Fuz _would_ have gone already, if her common sense hadn't overtaken her pride. Though she was confident she could take on this Invader Zim, she was aware that it probably wouldn't be easy if the tallests were sending her. She'd need all the help she could get, even if it meant getting a new SIR.

It felt so wrong to have to go back to the standard, uncustomized robots when she held a better one that she had built herself in her arms, but being sentimental never helped anybody. Even so, she couldn't bring herself to dispose of the broken robot; she clung to whatever hope, as small as it may be, that somehow the dim eyes would flicker and glow red like they had before.

So she found herself here, on the Irken military equipment storage planet. It used to have a dignified name, but the empire had stripped it away and renamed it "Stuffopolis" due to their lack of respect for other cultures and creativity. Fuz felt sorry for the natives.

The red-eyed service drone returned, his antennae standing at a very nervous angle. Fuz noticed with disinterest that his claws were shaking. "O-okay I contacted the tallests." He said. He shook himself, recovering swiftly from his awkwardness. "They confirmed what you said, so I guess you can have a SIR. Stay right there and I'll get you one."

Fuz huffed and shifted her weight again impatiently as the drone scurried away. She'd never understand why these places ran so slowly. You'd think a planet trusted to hold all of the empire's military equipment would be a little more organized. She stood there observing her claws silently for what must have been five minutes before the drone came back.

"Don't tell me," Fuz said, glaring. "You're all out?"

"Nope! Here you go!" chirped the drone as he brought a deactivated SIR down on the counter with much more force than was necessary. Fuz winced at the fierce clang of metal against metal, but the drone didn't seem to notice. "I registered you into the system while I was getting it, so you should be able to get your voot cruiser and the rest of your equipment without too much of a problem."

Fuz grunted uninterestedly and picked the other SIR unit up by its arm. It was was limp in its deactivated state, and it's eyes dark and unseeing. It reminded Fuz of the other, broken Sir she held hidden within the bundle in her arms.

"Activation code 17649. SIR, report for duty," ordered the drone behind the desk. The SIR's eyes flashed a brilliant crimson, and Fuz released it, watching as it landed masterfully on its feet.

"SIR reporting for duty," It said in the same professional voice that all SIR units had. Fuz looked it up and down critically but was actually somewhat disappointed to find nothing wrong with it. She wanted to be able to compare her robots so she could say her first one was better, but this SIR unit was without flaw.

"My name is Fuz," she told it tonelessly. Her stare was completely unreadable. "I am your mistress."

The SIR acknowledged her with a salute that Fuz ignored.

"Your first orders are to fetch a voot cruiser and an Invader's Base. Tell them that I sent you and they should check it all out in my name. There are some things I need to do, so meet up with me at the launching bay with the supplies."

"Yes, Master!" Said the SIR with another hardy salute. "I obey!" And it marched away in a typical Irken strut. Fuz snorted in amusement. She had always thought that march made dignified Irken soldiers look like militaristic turkeys.

"So..." Spoke the drone behind the counter, leaning forward on his elbows."What is your important mission exactly?"

Fuz, turned towards him, narrowing her eyes and raising her antennae aggressively straight up. If the tallests hadn't told him about the mission when he contacted them, then it was clear this drone wasn't to know. "Classified." she hissed. "And none of your business to begin with." The drone's own antennae lay flat down against his skull, a sign of submission.

"Sorry." He mumbled quietly. Fuz rolled her indigo eyes and turned from him, walking away. She had nothing left to do here, and she hadn't been lying when she told the new SIR that she had business to take care of. This whole planet smelled like oil and grease anyway.

* * *

The steel door of the teleporter opened automatically, and Fuz stepped out of it into a teleporting station. It was exactly the same as the one she had just been in, except that the large map on the wall was different. Fuz groaned in shame and disappointment of her species. This planet's Irken name was Store-mart-place-ica.

The streets of the planet were almost as bad as the name. The whole place was flooded with Irkens. If Fuz weren't as tall as she was, she wouldn't have been able to see an inch in front of her face for the thick crowds, but as it was, she had no problem shoving her way through. When shorter Irkens caught sight of her they scurried out of the way, immediately recognizing her superiority given to her by her height.

She could see the clothes store across the street, and she waded her way through the sea of shorter Irkens towards it. It was a popular place so the crowds were particularly thick there. Fuz would never understand what was with other females and clothing. I mean, clothing is great. You wear it and you look good. But is it seriously worth obsessing over?

"Hi!" said the green-eyed female merchant when she arrived at the counter. "You lookin' for one a dem special deals? I got two different kinds bullet proof vests that are really great, ya know? Everyone wanted 'em and we had a bunch so we put 'em on sale, an' now they're flyin' off the shelves! It's totally rad."

"No," responded Fuz. "I'm going on a mission, and I need invader uniforms."

"Oooh those are nice too! You like the blue ones, right? I can tell!Stay right where ya are, darlin' I got just the thing." As the shorter Irken hurried off, Fuz rolled her eyes and hugged her SIR to her chest. She couldn't help but feel the tiniest bit self conscious in her Evastanian gown. Thankfully the merchant wasn't gone long.

"Got some!" She chirped and placed the four blue tunics and four black pairs of slacks onto the table. "Four sets. They should fit you pretty well, but ya might want to try them on in the back just to be sure."

"That's fine, thank you," said Fuz as she placed a handful of silver coins onto the counter and tried to pick the clothes up with her free arm. It was easier said than done, but the merchant chuckled a bit and came over to help her put the uniforms in her Pak.

"What's that you got there, anyway?" She asked, gesturing towards the broken robot hidden in the bundle under Fuz's arm. The invader moved it defensively to her chest and hugged it again with both arms.

"Snacks," She lied. "For the trip." The merchant nodded and moved back behind the counter.

"Well have fun, darlin'! And if ya ever need clothes, ya know where to go!"

Fuz rolled her eyes again and wiggled her antennae in good bye, before she shouldered her way again through the crowd.

* * *

Fuz sat impatiently on the bench, holding her broken SIR on her lap. This was planet Devastis, Irken military training planet, covered in sand and scoured by wind that carved bridges, spires, and peaks into the endless expanse of rock. She leaned against a large building, roughly four stories tall, but most of the actual structure was below the ground, where the Irkens preferred to live.

"Why am I even here?" She groaned to herself. If only she hadn't made that stupid promise to that stupid smeet so many years ago. She could have met up with her new SIR and be gone by now. But no, she _had_ to promise to take the smeet on her next mission. Stupid honesty.

The sliding metal doors of the building opened, and Fuz turned her head toward the sound, lifting her antennae expectantly. From the building emerged a very young and short little Irken, barely out of smeethood, whose big pink eyes sparkled at the sight of Fuz. This was Quin, the smeet she had been grumbling about.

"I knew it!" cried Quin in a ear-spittingly squeaky voice. "I knew you'd keep your promise! It's been such a long time since I last saw you! I thought you were dead or something! Well I'm sure glad you're not! Where are we going? Are we gonna fight space pirates? Are we gonna catch a bad guy? Are we gonna blow something up?"

Fuz snarled at the you pink-eyed Irken, raising her antennae and effectively putting an end to the questions. Quin's antennae drooped so low in submission that they brushed against the sandy ground.

"I'm taking you on my mission because I promised, not because I want to. The moment I think you're slowing me down, you will be sent back here without any hesitation, so you'd better behave yourself."

"Yes, ma'am!" Said Quin, perking her antennae again. "I promise I'll be the best helper ever! I mean, you're like my role model! I wanna be just like you! We'd be, like, the most super crime-fighting team ever! And I'll do everything in my power to-"

Fuz held a claw up for silence, and Quin's mouth snapped shut. The indigo-eyed invader's expression was quite impossible to read. "We're not fighting crime, Quin. We're never fighting crime. I'm going to preform an assassination on the tallest's behalf, and you are going to stay out of my way."

"But..." The big pink eyes on Quin's face grew even bigger. "But... What about justice?"

"You do your little heroic deeds on your own time, smeet." said Fuz. "Whether or not you come with me is your own choice, but after this moment, I will consider my promise fulfilled." That being said, she tucked her SIR tenderly under her arm and stood up to walk back towards Devastis's teleporting station.

Quin's childish face immediately twisted into one of injured pride, and she stomped after the taller Irken. "I'm not a smeet anymore, Fuz!" When she reached Fuz she tugged pathetically on her sleeve. "I finally turned five hundred, and now I'm an official adult. You can't call me that anymore!"

"Quin, you could be a thousand, and I would still call you a smeet."

The shorter Irken snorted and crossed her arms as if expecting an apology, but she couldn't truly say she was surprised when there wasn't one. Fuz's eyes were focused steadily on the ground in front of her. "Now we're going to meet up with my SIR at the launching bay of Planet Stuffopolis." Said the indigo-eyed invader. "Do everyone a favor, and don't mess around. Just stay close to me and say nothing."

"Okay."

"Is that your Standard Information Retrieval unit?" Quin's voice peeped up. Fuz's antennae perked slightly. The younger Irken had been doing a surprisingly good job of keeping quiet and out of the way, but Fuz wasn't sure how long the uncharacteristic respect would continue. Apparently not as long as she had hoped.

"Yes. Come on." The Irkens picked up their pace. Quin pouted slightly as she had to move her feet especially fast to keep up with Fuz's longer strides.

"Master," greeted the SIR as it took several steps toward her and saluted. "The invader's base and supplies are loaded into the voot cruiser as requested, and the ship has been fueled and prepared for take off. We can leave as soon as you're ready."

"We're ready now," said Fuz. The SIR's glowing red eyes narrowed slightly as if turned its head to observe the younger Irken standing beside her.

"Who are you?" It said. Quin winced slightly at it's sharp, metallic voice and shied away behind Fuz. She had never actually seen a SIR before, and considering how small she was, it was a little scary.

"SIR, this is Quin." Hissed Fuz, raising her antennae at the SIR on impulse, even if it wasn't programmed to pick up on body language. "Treat her as you would me, but do not take orders that contradict mine."

The SIR nodded at Quin and saluted. "Yes, Sir." it said.

"Ma'am." Corrected Fuz. That was always something that bothered her about uncustimized SIRs; they were designed to speak to males. Most females didn't have a problem with it, but Fuz couldn't stand it. At least her old SIR was better in that respect. "Now get in the voot. It's taken way too long; we should be half way there by now."

The SIR saluted again and opened the dome off of the cockpit of the voot, allowing Fuz and Quin inside. When they were settled, Fuz leaned foreword and pressed a button on the control panel, holding it down.

"Invader Fuz to launching bay." she said clearly. "We're ready for take off to Planet Earth. Are we clear? Over." As she lifted her claw from the button, a voice crackled from the speakers.

"_Schhh~You're clear for take off. Over. ~schhh_." It said. Fuz nodded and started the engine, and the voot lifted into the sky and raced to the outer atmosphere, while Quin squished her face against the glass and squealed excitedly.

"You know, I've never actually seen space before!" She squeaked.

"Oh really?" asked Fuz with mild suprise. "Never?"

"Nope. Never ever. I've gone through space once I think, but there weren't any windows, so that doesn't count. But just look at this! Why are there so many rocks?" Quin pressed her claw against the window, trying to point, but was unable to because the glass was in the way. She didn't seem to care, though, too focused on the gigantic hunks of reddish stone.

"Those are little pieces that fell off planets." Explained Fuz.

"Do things live on them?"

"Some of them. No sentient beings, though. Just carnivorous beasts that can go hundreds of years with no food or water."

If possible, Quin pressed her face even harder against the glass. "Woooooww..."

Fuz chuckled slightly and switched on the autopilot before leaning back in her chair, putting her feet up on the dash board. It was going to be a long ride.

_**A.N Reviews are appreciated; especially from competent people.**_


	3. This is me Hating your Guts

"You won't get away with it, Zim!" shouted his pursuer, who was clearly out of breath. Still both of them pressed onward as fast as they could, in a race neither of them could afford to lose. The tall green house was just out of reach.

"Yes I will!" Zim shrieked. He didn't bother looking over his shoulder. If he slowed down even the tiniest bit he would lose too much momentum, and the human would be upon him faster than he could say 'ouch.'

"_The gate. Just gotta get to the gate!"_

Finally Zim grabbed the handle on the wooden door and hastily turned to fumble with the lock. It was probably a stupid idea because the fence was so short, and the human could just jump over it anyway, but that hadn't occurred to the little invader. He shrieked and leaped back when Dib flipped into his yard.

"S-so you though you could break into m-my house,... s-steal my computer... and just g-get away with it?" The raven headed boy was clearly out of breath, but it didn't give Zim much of an advantage as he was breathless too. They circled around each other, both trembling from exertion, as they sized each other up. Dib clenched his fists and spread his feet, while Zim flexed his claws and raised his hackles.

"But I did, d-didn't I?" panted the Irken. The laptop was safely in his Pak, and the only way Dib was going to get it back was if he fought him for it.

"Not for long, Zim. Y-you give me that computer, and maybe I'll just back off and p-pretend this didn't happen."

The Irken snarled and hissed, his talons flexing under his gloves. He hated how this human tried to intimidate him as if he actually expected it to work. He considered himself an excellent fighter, and he had gone through a lot of training and hardship to achieve that, whereas Dib had been chasing around imaginary creatures like some stupid game. The human would never understand what it meant to be truly intimidating.

Dib braced himself as Zim began to hop side to side like an angry cat challenging another to a brawl. Thirteen exhausting months of trying to expose the alien had taught him that that was Irken body language for "I'm ready to fight," and frankly, Dib wasn't in much of a fighting mood. He had just run thirteen blocks after the the alien, not to mention he was supposed to got to a Swollen Eyeball counsel at eight, and he'd rather not be asked about claw marks all over his face again. The "evil ninja cat" excuse was getting old.

But still, he couldn't let the Irken get his little hands on the information stored on his computer. "Zim!" Dib shouted, losing his patience. "I don't have time for this! Give me the computer, and I'll just go home!"

"Cowardly worm-child! Do you fear the wrath of Zim?" The Irken grinned wildly and begin taking his gloves off, exposing his barbed silver claws. "Or is poor little Dibby too tuckered out from chasing big bad Zim around? Ha!"

"I'm not scared! I just don't want to waste my time with you today. Now hand over that laptop or I'll take it from you!"

"Go ahead!"

Dib cursed himself silently as he spread his feet further apart. He was just giving Zim exactly what he wanted, but if it was the only way to keep him from hacking his computer and revealing the Swollen Eyeball's secrets, then it had to be done.

Dib lunged forward and made the first move, jabbing his right fist at Zim's midsection and throwing a powerful left hook for his jaw. The Irken swiftly weaved his body out of the way, grinning. "You used that same move last time." he said quickly. "Do you remember what I did then?"

Dib did remember, but he didn't get a chance to respond. His attack had left him open, and Zim seized the opportunity to swipe at his face with the claws of his right hand. Dib ducked just in time to avoid them, but also just in time for Zim's left hand to swipe upward, scraping the skin away from the left side of his face, and filling the air with the resounding sound of ripping flesh. Zim retracted his arm, leaping back to give himself room to defend if the human counter attacked.

Instead Dib yelped and jumped backwards, quickly bringing his hand to his stinging face. He didn't know how bad it was, but he could feel warm blood on his hand, oozing slowly out between his fingers. "Ah!"

"Aw poor Dib. Did mean ol' Zimmy give you an owie?" Mocked the Irken with a cocky swagger. "Why don't you go home and let your mommy kiss it so it can be all better?"

Dib pounced so suddenly, the Irken didn't have time to defend himself as they both fell to the ground, Dib firmly pinning down Zim's shoulders, his eyes wide with anger. Without his hand pressed onto his wound, a little trickle of warm, wet blood fell onto the invader's neck, causing him to squirm. "The computer, Zim!" he roared. "Hand it over now, or I'll see what your hideous eyeballs look like squished on the grass!"

The Zim wordlessly struggled for a few seconds more, refusing to answer, and Dib tightened his grip, digging his nails into Zim's arms in hopes of getting him to admit defeat. It probably wasn't such a good idea since it only made the him more desperate, and he lunged forward, digging his knife-sharp teeth into the tendon of Dib's shoulder.

Dib screamed and struggled to pry Zim's jaws away from him long enough to jump out of reach and put a hand on his new wound. The Irken leaped to his feet again too, growling and hopping side to side, letting Dib know that he was ready for round two.

But Dib was done fighting. His face was bleeding like crazy, and now his shoulder was torn. How would he explain this to his dad? He glared at Zim. "This isn't over space boy! I'll be back tomorrow, and I'll be ready! Just you wait!" With that said, Dib turned and ran, barely able to hop back over the fence with his new injuries.

Zim continued to jump excitedly as he watch the human race down the street. "That's right!" he shouted after him, grinning as he pumped his arms. His body was still in fighting mode, and it refused to stay still until the excitement drained out of his system. "You'd better run! I am Zim!"

When the human had finally turned the corner, Zim snorted and went into his house. His legs were getting shaky again from all of the running, and he needed to sit down.

The very first thing that greeted him was the sight of Gir, jumping up and down and up and down on the couch. The grand picture of a green teddy bear above the sofa had transformed into a monitor that he was talking to excitedly, but at the angle Zim was looking at it, he couldn't see who he was on the other end.

"And then we went up and up, and master told me to fly and so I did, and master got his purple suit on. Have you seen master in his purple space suit? He looks like a super hero! An' den he got stomping on the metal. He go stomp, stomp, stomp, until the mean Planet Jacker comes out..."

Zim smiled and crossed his arms, putting all of his weight on one leg so the other could rest. He had yet to hear Gir's take on that particular adventure. This could be interesting. Zim almost forgot to ask who the little SIR was talking to.

"And then they went all ninja! Master gave 'im a YAH! And a HIYAH! And then he kicked him. But then he got squished. And the Earth was saved! And we got home, and I made waffles."

"Uh... That's great, Gir." Tallest Red's voice came up over the speaker. Zim jumped in alarm, antennae straight up in the air, knocking his wig to the floor. "Look, if Zim's not around, just tell him to call us back later..."

"My tallests!" Zim greeted perhaps a little to loudly as he knocked Gir off the couch and took his place. He bowed his head and lowered his antennae in submission. "What a pleasant surprise! Is there a reason you called?" The tallests exchanged glances.

"Do you seriously think we would call you if we didn't have a really super good reason?" Asked Purple.

"Yes."

There was a short pause before Red rolled his eyes and shook his head. "We're calling to tell you about some invader we're sending over."

"WHAT!" Zim's eyes became nearly twice their size, and he pressed his face hard against the monitor, causing both the tallests to raise their eyebrows. "Why?"

"Because you're going so slow!" explained Red. He and Purple had scripted this whole conversation so both of them knew what to say. "We're sending someone experienced over to help you." Zim took a step away from the monitor.

"My tallests," He nervously. His brow knotted and his antennae lowered even further. "I have plenty of experience under my belt! I need no assistance! I assure you, after my next plan, the entire human race will be completely vulnerable and open to attack!"

"And what is that plan exactly?" asked Purple, smirking as he rested his chin in his hand. Red smirked too, and leaned back in his chair, folding his arms.

"It's... it's..." Zim panicked slightly, eyes flicking back and forth around the room. He didn't have a plan yet! Most of his best plans just came to him when he was brushing his teeth or something. He'd never actually brainstormed. "I'm gonna..."

"There is no plan, is there?" Sighed Red, the corners of his mouth upturned slightly, though the invader didn't notice. He slouched forward and sighed.

"No, my tallests. Not yet."

"That's what I thought." Purple was fingering his antennae absentmindedly, looking on with half-lidded eyes."Besides we already sent her, so there's no-"

"_Her?_" Zim's antennae lifted, although he was careful no to raise them all the way as that would be disrespectful to his tallests. "Sirs, Zim needs no assistance, let alone from a female! Please, can't you at least send someone... tolerable?" The tallests exchanged glances, smiling at each other bemusedly. Zim crossed his arms, determined not to show his impatience.

"Oh she's fine, I think. _We_ like her, at least." Red lied. "She's already flying over there, and she should arrive in a few hours. You should get the base ready for company."

"What! Tallests, why didn't you tell me she was coming before you sent her?"

The tallests shrugged uncaringly and resumed eating donuts from a bowl on the table. "Does it matter? Hop to it, soldier."

Zim sighed and began to cross the room toward the kitchen, but a sudden bark of "Oh and another thing!" from Purple was enough to stop him. The invader raced back to the monitor and stood on the couch once more.

"Yes my tallests?"

"She's five feet and two inches tall, Zim." Red said flatly, and Zim's antennae lowered. "You'll have to take orders from her, and if she gives us a report about any stupid things you do, it will be counted against you." Zim sighed and nodded, taking a step back from the monitor and nearly falling off the couch as a result. But he managed to keep from falling by pinwheeling his arms, and the tallests burst out laughing.

"Very well, my tallests." He said when he had righted himself. "I'll consider it another way to prove my prowess! I assure you, very soon the humans will be destroyed thanks to me! ZIM! And not whatever lousy excuse for a soldier is coming over here."

"S-sure they will, Zim." Said Purple, obviously trying not to laugh. "Ha-have fun with th-that!" Beside him Red was cackling hard, slamming his claws into the table. Zim blinked at them both.

"What's so funny?"

This made the tallests laugh even harder, and Red fell out of his chair off screen. Purple, waved one arm dismissively, unable to say anything for all the laughter pouring from his mouth. "N-nothing! Bye!"

The screen went black and Zim stood there on the couch, staring with both antennae cocked to the side. Then he shrugged and plopped down, bringing his feet up and finally rested his legs. The tallests certainly seemed in a good mood today, and he didn't have a problem with that.

"Gir!" He called. The robot must have wandered off while he was talking to the tallests since he wasn't where Zim had left him. He sat there for a while, waiting for the little SIR to show, but when it didn't he called again. "Gir!"

"I'm a-comin'!" Came Gir's voice from the lab. The little robot flipped out of the trash can and landed beside the couch, hand lifted in a salute, eyes glowing red. It didn't last, though, and Gir's eyes faded to friendly blue once more. "Wuts up?"

"Someone's coming to the base, Gir." Zim said, not making eye contact with him. Gir blinked at him cluelessly and began looking about the room. Then he jumped up and let out an excited squeal as if he had only just realized what his master had just told him.

"Is it the Dibby?" He asked. "Or the neighbor kid? Or a viking?" Zim shook his head at all of these and glared at Gir, quickly growing impatient with him.

"No, Gir. The tallests have sent another invader to assist in conquering Earth."

"I thought _we _was gonna do that!"

"We are!" Zim swung his feet off the couch and sat up, which Gir seemed to take as an invitation to plop down beside him and snuggle into the cushions. Zim ignored him, though, in favor of ranting. "We'll prove to the tallests that Zim needs no help!"

"Yeah!" Cheered Gir, clapping his hands.

"We'll make that sad little female wish she had never joined the military!"

"Yeah!"

"And then we'll destroy the humans and rule the universe!"

Gir shrieked gleefully and jumped off the couch to the floor, landing on his head. "Yay! I'm gonna make pie for when she gets here!"

"Yes, Gir!" said Zim as he stood. "Go make pie! I'm going down to the lab and tidy up as much as I can. Make sure to keep the doors and windows locked, do you understand me, Gir?"

The robot hopped off his head and landed on his feet. "I'm gonna put strawberries and bacon in it!" he screamed excitedly and made a break for the kitchen. Zim nodded.

"Good. Computer! Take me to the main lab! And start cleanup process."

"_Clean up process initiated._" Said the computer's monster-truck-driver voice as it opened the floor beneath Zim's feet, and began to lower him into the labs. The Irken flashed a grin of razor teeth, rubbing his claws together as his brain began to plot. Oh yes, he had a plan. And it was an _amazing_ plan.

* * *

"Dad!" Gaz's voice floated down the stairs to Professor Membrane's ears. He brought his eye away from his microscope and stood up, straightening his white lab coat.

"Yes, daughter?" He called back.

"Dib got mauled by that cat again!

Membrane's eyebrows went up and he turned his microscope off. "Coming!"

He turned and went up the stairs, taking two at a time until he came into the kitchen, looking wildly about for what to do next. Gaz was seated at the table, a paper and a box of crayons in front of her, indifferent as she always was. "Where is he, Gazlene?" asked Membrane as he approached her. She glanced up at him, but then turned her attention back to her drawing.

"He's in the bathroom, I think. He came in and he didn't say anything, but he had his hand over his face so I knew what happened."

Membrane nodded and went off to the bathroom with quick strides and knocked on the door. He could hear the water running inside quickly shut off, and the sound of a towel being pulled from the rack soon followed. "Son, your sister told me you met that cat again. Can I have a look?"

The door opened and Dib stepped out, a towel held over the left side of his face. He looked absolutely miserable, and the professor quite nearly had a panic attack when he saw the blood on his shirt. "Son!" He cried and knelt down to eye level. "Are you alright? Where did it get you?"

Dib sighed and his eyes wandered, looking everywhere but the scientist in front of him. "It scratched me on the face." He mumbled. "and bit me on the shoulder."

"Alright, son. Let's go down to my lab and see what the damage is."

Dib followed his father back down the stairs into the cool air and dim lights of the lab. He had gone through this same process enough times before to know what to do so he sat himself an examination table and took off his shirt to uncover his shoulder, watching the professor expectantly.

The older man took the towel from him and quickly scanned the scratches on his face, frowning behind his high collar. "Is your eye okay?" He asked.

"It's fine, Dad," responded Dib. "It was closed." The professor nodded and traced the lines downward with his finger. Dib flinched.

"That's strange. It's scratched _upwards_. Cats usually scratch downwards."

Dib groaned and pulled away slightly. He had tried so many times to explain to everyone that Zim was an alien. It took so much work though, and it was much easier to humor people than try to convince them of the hard truth. That's why he'd come up with blaming all the scratch marks on some nonexistent cat.

"I dunno, I dunno." He skillfully evaded, waving his hand. "I don't know cats. I don't like cats. And they don't like me either." The professor frowned, but discontinued the argument to look at his son's shoulder. The skin was broken as promised with what must have been twenty little pinpricks in two neat arks that looked like they were made by jaws- though certainly not cat jaws.

"Son, are you sure it was a cat? I don't think a cat could have done that."

"It was a cat, Dad," lied Dib. "I saw it with my own two eyes." he squirmed a little bit as he watched the older man cross shift through his drawers, looking for something._ 'Please don't let it be a needle and thread!'_ he thought. Luckily for him the professor had only been looking for bandages and rubbing alcohol.

"Where was this cat you keep seeing?" he asked as he dumped some of the alcohol onto the towel. "Close your eye." he added in an undertone.

"At Zim's street. I think it lives under one of the houses." He said. At least that much wasn't a lie. The professor sighed and put one hand on the back of Dibs head while holding the towel to his face. A wordless high-pitched whine emanated from Dib as the alcohol fizzed and burned.

"How many times do I have to tell you to come straight home after school?" asked his father impatiently. Finally he removed the towel from Dib and began to bandage the cuts while Dib whimpered a while longer.

"But I did come home today, Dad! Zim just got crazy and thought it would be fun to steal my computer."

The professor raised and eyebrow as he re-soaked the towel. "He stole your computer?"

"Uh huh. And I went over to his house to get it back, and we fought for a bit, but he didn't hand it over and then on the way home the cat jumped out and went totally ballistic."

Membrane knotted his brow as he brought the towel down once more onto Dib's shoulder. The little boy let out another drawn out whine. "Did it have a collar?" asked his father.

"No," hissed Dib between gritted teeth, his voice high-pitched with pain. "It's a stray."

Finally the towel was removed from the bite, and Dib let himself relax as Membrane bandaged it up. "I think you should stay out of that neighborhood until I've tracked down and shot that cat," said the scientist. "Really, son, sometimes it fees like I'm patching you up three times a week!"

"You _are_ patching me up three times a week. But I can't stop going over there, Dad! The fate of all mankind depends on me to protect it from Zim's alien evil!"

Membrane chuckled and let Dib hop down from the table. "Boys and their silly games," He said as if reminiscing. "Perhaps you'd prefer games about REAL SCIENCE? Think about it, son! One day you could become an extremely respected scientist, and you'd be able to save the world in whole new ways!"

"Where's all the action though?"Asked Dib, as he picked his ruined shirt up off the floor to examine it. "And the adrenaline? It like the paranormal stuff better."

The professor sighed and took the shirt from him, throwing it into the incinerator. Dib had a whole closet full of shirts just like that one so he really couldn't complain. "Even so, I'm hosting a conference with some other renowned scientists. How would you like to come? You might even learn a thing of two about REAL SCIENCE!" At that Membrane straitened up like a military man and shoved his finger up into the air with a vengeance.

"No thanks, Dad." refused Dib, waving his hand. "The Swollen Eyeball is gonna have another meeting, and I promised Agent Darkbootie I'd be there."

"Ah, yes that little Paranormal enthusiasts club. And how is that going for you, son?"

Dib was just about to go upstairs, but then he whirled around, frowning. "It's not a club, Dad! It's a real agency! We've got code names and everything!"

The scientist chuckled and put the bandages and alcohol back in the drawer where he had found them. "Oh alright, son. Go have fun with your lunatic friends. I have to continue the search for undiscovered properties of water!"

Dib went up the first few steps and then turned around again. "Wait, water? Seriously?"

"That's what I said."

"But haven't we already discovered all the properties of water?"

"Ah, but these are the UNDISCOVERED ones."

Dib shrugged and trudged back up the stairs.

_**A.N. Reviews make me happy so keep 'em coming.**_


	4. Of Promotions and Pies

Even after dark, this city was never quiet. It was something Dib disliked about it. How could a young action hero like himself ever have a dramatic moment on a cold, quiet night, when the streets never emptied, and people were always shouting the weirdest things at the wrong time?

Dib checked his watch. 7:40 pm on the dot, and still no sign of him. Where could he be? Was he at the right place? Dib moved his head and looked upwards at the street sign. Corner of Monkey Street and Manatee Drive. Nope. This was where he was supposed to be.

Finally a black sedan made its appearance, slowing down as it approached. Dib made certain to pop his collar up in hopes to hide his face a little. You could never be too careful.

It came to a stop in front of him, and the reflective window lowered, revealing a man in his early twenties wearing a classy tan trench coat sitting professionally behind the wheel. He studied Dib for a moment and then smiled, the light bouncing off his glasses effectively hiding his eyes. "Hey kid. You seen any funny looking _moths_ lately?" he asked. Dib couldn't help but let a big goofy grin grow on his face. He loved speaking in code.

"Nope," he responded. "Only unnaturally large _fish_."

The man laughed and opened the door, letting Dib slide into the passenger seat. He quickly buckled in and shut the door. "Mothman," Greeted Agent Nessie. Dib grinned at him and lay back in the seat.

"Hey, Nessie," He said "It's about time you got here."

"What? I said I wouldn't be a minute early- I didn't say anything about being late!" Both agents laughed at that and looked diligently at the road in front of them as the car began to move again. "So... you run into that alien again?"

Dib shrugged and slumped a little in his seat. Agent Nessie was one of the few people who believed about Zim ever since Darkbootie had seen the little Irken on the monitors at N.A.S.A.

"Yeah. He stole my computer, and when I tried to get it back, he just...! Agh. He got me good." Said Dib with an annoyed huff.

"I can see that," said Nessie rolling his eyes. Suddenly the bandage on Dib's face felt heavier, and the cuts stung.

"Is it that obvious?" asked Dib.

"Painfully," sad Nessie, with a sympathetic snort.

Dib groaned and turned from the older man, toward the window. The sun's light just barely shone over the horizon like a big streak of red that had been painted quite carelessly. He could see nothing but the black silhouettes of people and things by the road. The sedan was at the very edge of town and driving outwards so there were plenty of trees to see, and not enough lights to blind someone like they did in the city. Very soon all he could see was trees, standing guard at the edge of the highway.

For several minutes they continued like this, both agents gazing out the windows in companionable silence. But then Agent Nessie sighed and leaned back in his seat. "Did you hear about Agent Disembodied-head?" he asked with a grin. Dib's ears perked with interest. He hadn't heard any news about Disembodied-head for a long time.

"No. What? What happened?"asked Dib, curious.

Nessie chuckled, "He quit."

"HE WHAT?" gasped Dib, his eyes wide.

"Yep. Just like that. Wanted to get a job in the military or something. I dunno. Point is: he's gone and he's not coming back," said Agent Nessie, shrugging his shoulders as he drove.

Dib turned his body forward and slouched, processing the new information. He'd never liked Disembodied-head. Even after Darkbootie had vouched for him, the man had never taken Dib seriously. He'd gotten enough cuffs over the head from the man to know that he'd never have the his respect. Still, Agent Disembodied-head had always seemed fiercely loyal to the Swollen Eyeball Network. It didn't seem like him to simply put it aside.

Then another thing occurred to Dib. Three people were supposed to be in charge or the Swollen Eyeball Network: the president and the two commanders. Disembodied-head had been the first commander for as long as Dib could remember, and if he was gone, what was going to happen now?

But it seemed Nessie could tell what he was thinking. "Bootie's gonna move me up the ladder;" He laughed smugly. Apparently he hadn't liked Disembodied-head either. "I'll be first commander."

"But who will be second?" Dib actually startled himself by how relaxed and indifferent he sounded. Nessie was giggling behind his tall collar.

"Well that's the interesting thing, isn't it? _You_."

The word hit him like a bullet and sent him reeling, staring at Nessie with eyes the size of dinner plates and a mouth wide enough for the Titanic to float right inside. Nessie laughed loudly, pounding on the dashboard with his fist, but fortunately he kept his eye on the road and managed to swerve around a drifting car without collision.

"HEY!" He shouted at the other driver, pounding on his horn. "WAKE UP!"

It woke Dib from of his stupor too, and he snapped his jaws closed. "_Me_? Why _me_? I'm the youngest person in the whole network!"

"True," said Agent Nessie. His eyes were more focused on the road now after that scare. "But you signed up when the network was just starting, and you're one of the only guys who stuck with it this long. Besides, Bootie thought we owed it to you for not taking you seriously about the alien... You're not actually supposed to know about the promotion thing until the meeting so could you, um, just pretend to be surprised?"

"I'm not pretending," said Dib shaking his head, still processing the information.

"I know you're not."

Dib turned back to the window, the conversation dropped, the silence restored and continuing.

* * *

After several more minutes of blankly staring at passing trees, the black sedan pulled up into a parking garage, snapping Dib out of his trance. Nessie lowered his window and paid the parking fee before he stopped the car and got out, Dib following suit.

"Thanks for the ride, Nessie," said Dib earnestly as he straitened his collar. He couldn't tell whether the older agent was smiling or smirking in the shadows, but either way he seemed pleased.

"Eh, I was gonna pass by there anyway," he said. "So... any theories why they would build a parking garage in the forest next to the highway?"

Dib's face broke into a smile, and he let Nessie lead the way. "Pfft, beats me. I'm only thirteen, and I'm missing the good old days when people made sense."

"Tell me about it."

The agents walked quietly into an inconspicuous stair case and began to descend. The stairs were made from ancient concrete, and the walls were unfinished, so they could see rusty pipes and wires crawling up the sides of the stairwell. The concrete seemed to be emitting cold air, and Dib pulled his trench coat tighter around his front.

"I think it's pretty stupid that we have to disguise the head quarters even though we have our own website. Everyone who wants to know about us already does, so why worry about staying hidden?"

Nessie took a ring of keys from his pocket and began fiddling with the lock on a steel door. He must have been having trouble, because he was putting a lot of his weight into it. "Well there's a difference between people knowing about us and people knowing where we are. What if someone wanted to exterminate all the believers?"

Dib cocked his head. "Why would they...?"

"Because some people are crazy. If they saw our website, but didn't know who we were or where to find us, they wouldn't be able to do anything bad." Nessie seemed to lose patience with the lock, and pulled the key back out. Then he laughed at his own stupidity. He'd been using the wrong one.

"Oh. _That's_ why they wouldn't tell me where to go on the website," said Dib.

"Uh huh."

Door finally opened, Dib and Agent Nessie walked inside, shutting and locking it again behind them. The room had been disguised as some odd type of lobby, and sitting at a desk was an annoyed looking man, probably in his thirties, who was wearing a classy pinstripe suit. "What do you want?" He asked grumpily.

"Eye drops," smirked Nessie. "Our eyes seem a bit swollen." He waited for the man to make the code signal for recognition (To scratch the left side of his chin with his right hand) and then he and Dib made their way to the desk to show him their ID cards.

"Agents Nessie and Mothman." The man finally greeted after he had looked over the cards. "Go ahead through, then."

"Thanks, Agent Badger-hound" Chirped Dib as he led the way to the hallway on the other side of the room. The man scowled and turned away, and Dib could practically _feel_ Nessie raising an eyebrow at him.

"You know that guy?" He asked. "I don't think I've seen him around before."

"He's been in the SE for about a year now." said Dib with an smirk. Nessie returned it. "I was his mentor for the first month, and he hated every minute of it because I was so much younger and more awesome than him. Now he just likes to pretend he doesn't know me."

"Understandable," reasoned Nessie. Not sure whether to except that as a compliment or not, Dib glared over his shoulder at him, and Nessie raised his hands defensively. "Hey! I said I understood, but I never said anything about agreeing!"

Satisfied, Dib turned his head back to the toward the enormous auditorium he was walking into. Agents from all over the state had already gathered there, and were exchanging stories and smalltalk. They all looked perfectly shady, wearing trench coats and reflective glasses like himself, but he knew many of them personally and he knew he could trust them. This was one of the only places he fit in nowadays.

On the stage where presentations and announcements were given, he could see the SE's president, Agent Darkbootie sitting in a little plastic chair talking to a much younger agent. Dib frowned. The younger agent was yelling loud enough to be heard all the way from where he was standing.

"It's real!" He shouted. "It's real, and it was possessing that kid!"

Darkbootie held his ground, looking up sternly. "We'll see if you can prove that in your presentation tonight, Pine."

"I saw it! I saw it! Quit ignoring me, old man, I know what I saw!" Pine pointed his finger accusingly at Darkbootie. "If we don't act now, that ghost could posses more people! It could get someone in the agency!"

"Pine, when you have _proof_, I will be more than happy to send a team to investigate. But as you do not, I can't barge into an orphanage and detain a child just because their neighbor thinks they're possessed. For all we know, you could be a drunken lunatic!"

"But... I don't drink," said Pine.

"Regardless! You're dismissed, Agent Pine. Have a nice day,"

Well this certainly did seem familiar.

Seething, the agent stepped down from the stage and brushed past Dib, issuing a "Humph" as he did so. Dib glared at him until he had disappeared into the crowds, and then he went up the stairs to join Darkbootie.

"What was that about?" He asked. "Is that guy trouble?" Darkbootie jumped, having not heard Dib's approach, and raised an inquisitive eyebrow at the bandage on his face. At least he didn't say anything about it.

"Not at all. There are many agents who strongly believe in a paranormal phenomenon but fail to prove it. You were just as adamant about the Irken."

Dib frowned and looked down at his shoes. He knew he was probably very annoying when he was trying to convince people that Zim was an alien, but did it make him a jerk too?

Darkbootie stood from his chair and stretched a little, cutting of the awkward moment short. "It's a good thing you came up here, Mothman, or I would have had to go looking for you." Dib raised his eyebrows at the subject change and his held hands respectfully behind his back as he waited for the older man to continue. "Disembodied-head quit last week. He is no longer a member of the Swollen Eyeball."

Rocking back and forth on his feet, Dib did his best not to turn around and look at Nessie. That would give him away. Well technically he hadn't _promised _to act surprised but... you know.

Darkbootie reached down to pick up a stack of manilla folders from the floor and began to leaf through them. "Naturally, Agent Nessie will take his place as first commander, but that leaves his spot as second commander open."

Dib couldn't help it. He peeked over his shoulder, and was quick to find Nessie, who had attracted a small crowd with a vampire hunting story. His eye betrayed him however, because Darkbootie was very good at reading body language.

"He told you, didn't he?"

Dib smiled impishly and nodded. The old man put the folders on his chair and rolled his eyes.

"Oh alright. I don't care. Just go join the rest of the agents. I'm going to start the announcements soon."

"Kay," mumbled Dib obediently as he scurried off the stage to where his friends were. Several agents he passed turned his way for a moment before returning back to what they were doing, but Dib paid them no mind as he settled himself comfortably between to familiar agents and stopped to listen to Nessie's story.

"And it grabbed me, and I swear he was gonna munch me right then and there like a potato chip. But then Agent Dog-breath shows up, and he's all..." Nessie waved his arms in seemingly random ways, making them look like deformed noodles. His brow was knotted as if he was honestly trying to imitate something, and it only added to the effect. "Geeze, I don't even know how to describe it. He looked like a rubber ninja! But it distracted the vampire long enough for me get away."

"You didn't stab it through the heart with your wooden stake?" Asked one of the agents, who was smiling from Nessie's psychotic arm performance. Nessie shrugged and dropped his hands.

"Well if you were about to be eaten by a vampire, would you be thinking of ending its life, or preserving your own?" He asked. It was a rhetorical question, and nobody answered. "Exactly. Okay, so the vampire's outnumbered now, and we had him backed against the wall, but then-"

"Attention!" Darkbootie's voice said from the podium. The auditorium grew quiet. "I believe most everyone is here now, so I'll begin making announcements! We'll also be happy to receive presentations from-" he paused to check his index cards, and squinted hard on purpose to get a few laughs. "Agents Mad-fish and Pine. But before then, I have a very important object of business to address."

With a quick good-bye, Nessie,scurried up to the stage where he was expected stand in the first commander's spot on the right side of Darkbootie. Dib smiled a little at the agent's familiar forgetfulness before he realized that he should go up too and hastefully followed him.

"Our first commander, Agent Disembodied-head has quit the Swollen Eyeball," announced Darkbootie.

Several murmurs and whispers were exchanged among the network. They only grew louder when Nessie settled on Darkbootie's right instead of his left as he usually did.

"Naturally as second commander, Agent Nessie will take his place, but that leaves the second commander position open."

As if Darkbootie has flicked a switch, the auditorium fell completely silent, and anticipation buzzed in the air like a static charge.

"I have selected Agent Mothman to fill the position. Come up here, Mothman!"

Dib grinned as he jogged up the few stairs to join Darkbootie and Nessie. He'd only ever been on the stage addressing the Network once several months ago when he was supposed to give a presentation. He'd embarrassed himself terribly by leaving his briefcase at his father's lab. At least this time he didn't have anything like that to worry about.

While a good number of the agents who had been in the network for a long time were very well acquainted Dib, but most of them hadn't known he existed, and they all began to talk at once when they saw him step on the stage.

"Who's that?"

"What happened to his face?"

"_Him_ as second commander?"

"Is his _head_ supposed to be that _size_?"

"How'd he get his hair like that?"

"He's too young! He's twelve, darn it!"

"Am not!" Dib shouted arrogantly at the last statement."I'm thirteen! My birthday was in November so _HA_!" But agent Darkbootie gave him a warning glance, and Dib fell silent, looking down at his hands.

"I understand that many of you don't take kindly to a boy being chosen as a commander of our agency, but this young man has been part of the Swollen Eyeball network from its foundation, and since then, he has proven himself intelligent and resourceful. He's encountered more ghosts than most of you can claim and," Darkbootie paused for dramatic effect, and those agents that were still paying attention took the bait and leaned in. "He's on the verge of exposing aliens once and for all."

There were several different reactions to that. Some agents stuffed their hands in their pockets and became disinterested, while others scoffed in disbelief. Dib's favorite reaction was probably the impressed chorus of "Oooh" that fed his ego.

"I believe that selecting Mothman is for the better of the agency," finished Darkbootie. "Nessie what do you think?"

All eyes went on Nessie, who smiled.

"I think the next couple of years are gonna be _awesome_!" he said, and several agents giggled. Darkbootie cleared his throat and took another glance at his cards.

"Yes, well now that we've got that settled, there are some other important announcements..."

It just went on from there. Darkbootie went through a list of investigations the agency had completed, and he described the story behind each one. A list of supernatural creatures captured, a few photos, some interviews of ghost witnesses. Dib pretty much zoned out for the whole thing.

When he had finished with that, the elderly man took up the manilla folders from the plastic chair and began to talk about missions he was assigning to agents, and gave a few details on each one before he had each person come up to the stage to take the folder from him. Dib snapped to attention when Darkbootie had finally run out of folders.

"Alright, now that we're through with that, we'll move on to Mad-fish and Pine's presentation. Agents, the stage is yours."

Darkbootie turned and began to walk down the stairs on the side of the stage, followed by Nessie and Dib, who had no clue what else they should be doing. A slightly overweight man in a business suit, probably in his forties came up to the stage followed closely by Pine. Dib crossed his arms and glared at him as the presentation started.

"Boo!" Shouted someone from the back. "This presentation stinks!"

Mad-fish frowned. "But... we haven't even started yet..."

"Boo!"

The agent on the stage sent a dead-panned look towards the back of the room, but then ignored the curmudgeon.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we will not waste your time with jumbled pictures and pointless words," he addressed the crowd. "My apprentice and I have every reason to believe that we have found a haunted house."

There were some mutters among the audience and another "Boo!" but Mad-fish did not acknowledge it. Pine shuffled over to the podium, and his mentor backed off, allowing him to speak.

"It all started when a four-year-old girl in my neighborhood, Prairie Ross, began acting strangely," Agent Pine began. "She would scream and cry and hit things, and she was completely uncontrollable, but I didn't suspect anything. After all, as far as I'm concerned, that's normal behavior for children."

This produced a few chuckles from the crowd, but not too many. Most of the agents seemed to catch on to the seriousness, and they were leaning in attentively, not even smiling.

"But it got worse. Very soon, all her speech was reduced to incoherent babble, and she would grab things, anything she could get a grip on, from door knobs to fence posts to _fingers_, and she would yank and yank until they came off."

Dib cringed.

"Her destructive behavior only increased, and that's when I began to suspect something. I decided to drop by and have a conversation with her parents about her." Pine looked expectantly at Mad-fish, and the older man took a large draw-string bag from their briefcase. Pine took it from him silently.

"No one answered the door when I rang the doorbell, though their car was in the driveway so I knew they were home. I stood there for ten minutes, and then called Mad-fish over. He met up with me on Panda Avenue, and we went visited the Ross' home again together. Still, Prairie's parents didn't answer."

"We ended up breaking through the front door," said Mad-fish. "Probably not the smartest thing in the world, but it was effective."

"Yeah, and when we found them in the kitchen, they were _dead_."

The room was silent.

The draw-string bag slid open under Pine's long fingers, and from it he pulled a large kitchen knife, it's sharp edge stained with blood. "It was not accident," He said "This knife was found on the floor as if it had been dropped, and Prairie was nowhere to be seen. I believe she used it to slit their throats." He held it up for a moment for everyone to see, and put it down on the podium.

"We've already run DNA tests, and the results were positive," said Mad-fish. "This blade has traces of both Mr. and Mrs. Ross' blood."

Pine nodded and replaced the knife back into the bag. "And when we searched the house for Prairie, we couldn't find her. We figured she must have run off. The police searched all over town, but she still didn't turn up."

"Although there were rumors that someone saw her entering an old abandoned house in the woods. It backed up our hunch." Mad-fish took Pine's place at the the podium and folded his hands neatly on top of it. "She turned up two days later in my neighborhood, yanking sheets off my neighbor's clothes line. I wanted to call Pine, but I knew he wouldn't be able to show up in time, so I encountered her myself."

Alarmed mutters were passed from agent to agent, and Dib _swore_ he could hear someone say something about Pokemon cards. Well apparently _someone_ wasn't paying attention.

"Prairie reacted the moment she saw me, screaming and charging at me. I restrained her by the arms and tried to keep her in place, but she kept shouting and squirming, and I actually heard her say something I could make out."

Cries of "What was it?" erupted from the auditorium, and Mad-fish and Pine looked a little over whelmed.

"Thomas." Mad-fish finally said. "When she said it she spit in out like she really hated it. I ended up calling for help with the girl, and a couple of my neighbors came out. I wanted to bring her to the swollen Eyeball, but my neighbors beat me to it, and she was taken to an orphanage."

Mutters were passed, head-shakes were exchanged, and Pokemon cards were traded. In the end, every face was upturned, watching Mad-fish expectantly.

"Agent Mad-fish," said Nessie. "What does this have to do with a haunted house?"

"I'm getting to that. See, we're certain that Prairie Ross is possessed, and that whoever Thomas is has something to do with it."

"So we looked him up," said Pine as he took Mad-fish's place at the podium. "All the Thomases that lived in the area for the last several centuries, and asked around about the house that Prairie had been hanging out in." He shifted through folders, pulling up the information they had collected. "The house was built back in 1720 and owned by a man named Leonard Cogswell. He died thirty years after the house was built, presumably from disease, but since no one lived with him, no one knew about it until his nephew, Thomas Cogswell, went to visit him three weeks later."

"Apparently Thomas decided to take advantage of the situation, and dig around a bit for Leonard's will so he could create a fake, and make it so he inherited the house himself. He copied the handwriting almost exactly, and the only part he changed was who would get the house, so everyone was fooled."

Mad-fish nodded his agreement. "Long story short, Leonard haunted the house, and Thomas was scared to insanity and admitted to the crime. He was put in jail, and the house was passed from person to person. No body really wanted to live in it because of Leonard's ghost."

"Hang on." Nessie leaned forward in his chair, bracing himself on his elbows. "So you know all about this house -when it was built, who lives there, the story behind it- but can you tell us where the house _is_?"

Mad-fish hesitated, glancing at Pine and furrowing his eyebrows into a frown. "We...We don't know."

A murmur swept across the crowd, and Dib found himself on the edge of his seat scratching his head. How could you know so much about a house and not know where it _was_? It didn't make sense.

"What do you mean you don't know?" Asked Darkbootie. If Dib looked closely, he would see the tiniest smirk on the old man's face. He didn't have to look closely to see the furious snarl on Pine's, though.

Mad-fish put a calming hand on his apprentice's shoulder. "No one remembers. We asked around for all the rumors about the house we could get, but no one -not even the people who witnessed Prairie there- remembered where it was!"

"How can that be?" Dib found himself asking. "If you'd seen the house before, and you remembered what you'd seen there, you should be able to remember where you were."

Pine pulled away from Mad-fish and glared daggers and Dib, gray eyes narrowed into slits. "We don't know, okay?" he spat. "We have no leads. Is _that_ what you want to hear? If you're as experienced with ghosts as you claim you are, then maybe _you_ can explain why the location would be erased from the memories of witnesses!"

"So that's your theory, then,"said Dib, folding his hands neatly in his lap. Darkbootie's smile was encouraging, letting him know he was acting like a second commander should. "That the memory of the location is being erased."

Pine's face went blank as he realized what he had just said. "Yeah," he agreed slowly. "I guess it is."

Dib snickered.

"I see," Said Darkbootie when the agents looked at him expectantly. Mad-fish was hopeful, but Pine's eyes were still narrowed in a glare as if daring Darkbootie to deny their evidence. "So this ghost wants its presence known... but it doesn't want to be found."

"That's what we've been able to dig up, yes," said Mad-fish.

"Can you explain why Leonard would have chosen Prairie Ross to posses?"

Pine's answer was quick and simple, demonstrating much intelligent research. "She was the youngest blood relative of Thomas Cogswell."

Darkbootie leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms. "It seems you two have put a lot of thought into this. It is very likely that there may actually be a ghost in the house." He leaned forward again, bracing his elbows on his knees. "It might be worth looking into."

"Yeah," agreed Nessie. "I wanna catch a ghost!" A few soft chuckles when around the room, but after that, all was silent. Dib sat awkwardly in his chair, looking around the room. Several eyes were fixed on him expectantly.

Darkbootie elbowed him in the ribs.

"Oh!" Dib exclaimed, and a louder wave of laughter went around. He was the second commander now, and he was expected to comment on the presentation. Darn. "That, uh, sounds... really spooky! Someone should... totally look into that."

Darkbootie sent him an understanding smile and stood from his chair. "Thank you gentlemen, that was a very well put together presentation," he said. "You may return to your seats."

Mad-fish gave a curt nod and grabbed his apprentice's arm, pulling him off the stage despite his protests. Taking the stage once more, Darkbootie concluded the meeting and wished everyone a safe trips home. Dib wasn't really listening, too focused on what Nessie was telling him.

"Cute, Mothman," he said with a sly smirk. "Real cute."

"Shut up," whined Dib defensively. His face was burning already and it didn't help that the first commander was laughing at him. He had to admit, though, he had sounded pretty stupid just then.

"No, I'm serious. You just got a whole bunch of points with the younger women."

Dib hid his face in his hands and slouched. Nessie, ever the friendly guy, decided it was time to change the subject. "You could have said worse though. Remember that time when that one guy did a presentation about a invisible forty ton rubber chicken hanging from the top of the Empire State Building?"

That got Dib out of his little turtle shell. "I remember that! Dude, that was so weird!"

"Yeah," agreed Nessie. "I don't even remember his name, they kicked him out so fast. Poor guy."

When Darkbootie had finally dismissed the agents, he went back to the base of the stage where Dib and Nessie were sitting. He gave them both nods, but his eyes were fixed on Dib "Mothman, you'll have a lot of new responsibilities now that you're a commander," he reminded him. Dib looked up at him with owlish eyes. "Agents will report findings to you, and you'll need to make time for them, and you'll be expected to help make decisions."

"I know," said Dib. He flashed Darkbootie a smile and straitened his glasses. "I think I can keep up with it, as long as no one tries to contact me during skool."

The elderly agent nodded. "I'll see what I can do about that. Have a good night, you two. I'll be expecting you at the next conference."

* * *

_Pluck_ went the sling shot.

_Zoot_ went the little rock.

_Thunk_ went the bird and it fell to the ground.

Zim sighed contently, relaxing in the cool grass of his back yard. The Earth sun had sunk past the horizon. It was practically pitch black outside and way too dark for any human to shoot rocks so accurately, but Zim's large, reflective eyes allowed him to see quite well.

He'd been cleaning the lab all day since the tallests had called, but apparently the invader they had sent was running late. Now that he had finished with his chores and he had nothing better to do, he had resorted to playing his own version of the Earth game "Space Invaders," protecting Gir's pies, which sat cooling in the window. He'd actually shot down an impressive amount of animals that he hadn't bothered to pick up yet, and they lay on the ground by the window sill. Maybe he'd let Gir make soup out of them later. His cooking skills were improving.

A squirrel wandered a little too close to the window, and Zim loaded his slingshot taking aim. Just a little closer...

"_Master!_" called the computer from within the house. Zim jumped and dropped the rock into the grass. The sound made the squirrel pause, but then it leaped at one of the pies and began to nibble greedily on the edge.

"What?" Zim demanded impatiently as he ran to collect the little dead animals and scare the squirrel away. Then he scurried back into the house. "What's so important that you have to interrupt the mighty Zim's hunting?"

"_Hunting...? Never mind. I don't care. Look, I'm detecting a foreign voot cruiser's signal within Earth's atmosphere. I think the invader the tallest sent is arriving."_

"What? Why didn't you _tell_ me?" cried Zim.

"_I... just did_."

Zim growled and stormed into the living room, where Gir was watching TV. "Here," he said as he shoved the collection of furry bodies into Gir's arms. "Make something with these." The robot gave him a cheerful affirmative and then skipped away, hugging his new little prizes against his body. Zim dismissed him with a twitch of an antenna and then scurried to the window, pressing his face to the warm glass and peeking out with big eyes.

He was almost expecting the unwelcome female Irken to come walking right up the steps and ringing the door bell right that very second. What would he do when she got there? How would he get her to leave? He knew from experience that females wouldn't go away if you simply asked. You had to _make_ them go away.

But whoever this invader was, she was sent by the almighty tallests. Granted, the tallests didn't seem to comprehend the incredible amazingness of Zim, but they were still his leaders, and even if they might be wrong, they were right. That's where the "almighty" bit came from.

Zim groaned and dug his claws slightly into the wood of the window sill. It wasn't right for an Invader to be caught between his own pride and the will of his tallests. Loyalty to the empire always came first. The only way he could satisfy his pride and uphold his honor at the same time was to prove that he didn't need a helper; that he could conquer this planet just fine on his own. Until he could do that, he'd have to grit his teeth and deal with her.

And thus Zim opted to sit vigil by the window, eyes narrow and alert for the invader coming to steal his planet from him.


	5. The First Prisoner

_**A.N. Are you guys getting tired of waiting for an update? Sorry. Well this is it! It's the longest chapter I ever posted EVER, so this is a huge deal for me. It's also my first horror scene so I'm super excited! This is, like, the turning point of my entire thirteen-year-old career. If I don't get some major reviews, I will be saaaaaad.**_

Oh, Fuz!" Gasped Quin, gazing out the window with awe. "That planet is so beautiful!"

It was beautiful. Blue, white and green swirled together in a great and glorious marble. But Fuz had seen plenty just like it, and it didn't bring the smeetish thrill it once would have. "It sure is," she humored. "Turn off the auto pilot. It's time to take her in."

"Aye, aye, captain!"

The younger girl took the controls, leaning forward and biting her lip excitedly. She had never been on a non-Irken controlled planet before. Her entire little body was trembling with amazement. The ship flew lower and lower, and Quin was extremely careful to fly as perfectly as she could; she wanted to impress Fuz with her ability as a pilot.

But Fuz paid no attention to the younger Irken's efforts. Her narrow, calculating eyes gazed out the window, observing the houses and the people. Some were still out, wandering the streets despite how it had already become dark. They walked with their eyes trained towards the ground, their hands in their pockets.

'_How unfortunate,_' thought Fuz detachedly. '_A good eye is trained to look at the sky rather than the ground, and hands should be free at all possible times to take action at any second. A smeet could conquer this place with their antennae tied together. Why hasn't Zim?'_

Her SIR unit approached her as silently as a shadow, but she could tell from the faint heat radiating from its body that it was there. "Sir," it said. "I have spotted an inactive human shelter very close to Outlaw Zim's base. If we were to create a base there, we would be able to meet and exchange plans very easily with low risk of being exposed."

"Good," she spoke quietly. "Quin. Land the voot cruiser by the house over there."

Quin steered the ship obediently in a wide ark, but her unease was apparent in her round, pink eyes. "Are you sure? I don't like that house one bit."

"I'm sure. Land the ship."

Wind threw dust into the air as the voot cruiser lost altitude. It touched softly on the ground in a perfect landing, much to Quin's satisfaction.

The two Irkens and the SIR unit emerged, looking vigilantly around. Big, leafless trees surrounded them on every side and creaked softly as the wind from the voot's descent pushed at them. The ground beneath their feet was spongy and crunchy, covered in a layer of brown leaves. The SIR unit immediately leaped into action, taking samples and running tests with the many tools built into its little body. Fuz paid it no mind, but the robot's activity had definitely captured Quin's interest.

"What are you doing?" she squeaked inquiringly. The SIR did not turn away from the leaf it was analyzing.

"Information retrieval," it replied.

"Cool. Can I watch?"

"Affirmative."

Fuz sauntered away from them toward the empty house. It was an ancient wooden home, decaying at all corners, and it leaned froward imposingly over the Irkens. The corner of her mouth turned upwards with satisfaction. Places like this repelled intruders. It was perfect.

Quin soon lost interest in the SIR when she realized that "information retrieval" meant staring at random stuff. She skipped to the older invader's side and tugged on her sleeve.

"Yes?" hissed Fuz irritably.

"We're not gonna claim that house, are we?" She asked with huge, pink eyes. "Cause, you know, it's really spooky and I don't like it and we've got an invader's base builder in the voot."

Fuz took a step away from the tiny Irken so she could look down at her. "Quin, the invader's base builder is not designed to build bases from scratch. Only an incompetent fool would try that."

"Really? That's not what they said on Devastis."

Oh, what had happened to the younger generation? Fuz scowled. "The base builder only casts a holographic field that _looks _and _feels_ like a house. In reality, it wouldn't protect you from much. It's only designed to refine a real shelter, and build a lab underneath. Otherwise the noise would alert every life form in the area, and they'd want to investigate the shelter unit that had built itself overnight."

Quin looked down at her boots, blushing and feeling stupid. Fuz sighed and turned from her, sauntering toward the house once again. "I'm going to poke my head in and look around," she said callously. "SIR, put your information retrieval on hold and keep an eye on Quin. She's not to leave this area or do anything of consequence."

Quin scrambled into a soldier's posture, head up, shoulders squared. "Hey!" she piped indignantly. "I'm right here, you know! Don't you talk about me like I'm not here!"

The others ignored her. "Yes, sir!" said the SIR unit, and Fuz turned again toward the house, moving with composed confidence.

* * *

"_Master, the invader's voot has landed,_" said the computer's voice, reverberating all over the house.

"Close by?" Zim had not moved from the window.

"_Yes. Very. They're in that really creepy house right behind ours._"

"Really?" Zim stroked his antennae thoughtfully. "It seems like a popular place now, so many humans wandering across my property to get to it. What's so special about it? It's just a regular, run-down house!"

The computer remained silent. It had found that it was best to let Zim rant rather than interrupt him.

"Stupid humans! When will they ever learn? Are my punishments not severe enough?" He paused, staring sightlessly out the window before he stood and stretched, popping his back and waving his antennae to get the feeling back into them. They often went numb when he'd been sitting for a long time.

"I'll just wait for her to come here," he proposed. "It'll be easier to encounter her when I'm in my own domicile. Right, computer? … Computer?"

"_Whatever you say, sir._"

"Excellent!" The tiny invader squared his shoulders like a military man and began to march toward the kitchen. "Meanwhile, I must use my amazing Zim-brains to devise a plan. This plan will be so evil, Dib will-"

Zim cut himself off when he stepped on something crusty and hairy. He looked down.

"Gir!" he shrieked, scrambling away from the offending object in disgust. "Gir, come here right now!"

The robot launched from the elevator like a bullet, and stopped beside Zim, eyes a curious blue. "Yeees?"

The Irken pointed a claw at the little dead squirrel on the floor. It had started to decay, and now that Zim's antennae were regaining their feeling, they curled at the stench. "I thought I told you to make something with that!"

Gir's eyes lit up with remembrance. "Oh _yeah_! I was gonna make a hat with him."

"Why _didn't _you?"

"I wanted to play tea party with 'em first. And then my favorite show came on."

A shudder racked Zim's little body. "Well, it's too late to make any use of it now, Gir. Put it in the incinerator. Where are the other Earth-animals, anyway?"

Gir shrugged.

Zim groaned.

* * *

The door was too easy to open for the house to be occupied. The moment Fuz turned the handle, it creaked aside as if pushed by the wind. She paused at it a moment, looking over the hinges. If they were anywhere as old as they looked, the door shouldn't have been that easy to move.

She stepped apprehensively into the house and gasped when the wood bent beneath her an alarming amount. The miserable creak it made sounded more like a scream.

Empty. The room was empty. She'd been expecting furniture or something similar. But no, the room was empty. Fuz looked around at the walls and ceiling, knotting her brow. It didn't look like it would collapse, but she couldn't help but be cynical. The wind pounding on the house from outside sounded like a tornado in here. It whistled through cracks on the wood, creating an chilly draft that made her shiver and rub her arms. That was odd, considering how warm it was outside.

Slowly she moved forward, shivering and looking up at the ceiling. She could easily see the rafters bending and unbending as the house seemed to sway with the wind. They creaked and groaned all around her as she approached the center of the room, wincing every time her footsteps made a shrieking plea against her. The sound would give her away for sure.

A short hallway began on the far side, and Fuz stepped into it carefully. The wood was sturdier here, and much quieter. She breathed a sigh of relief and glanced around at the rotting wooden walls. They reeked of mold and mildew, and she could hear the steady crunching of termites digging into them, but it was difficult between the harsh chattering of her teeth. Her claws clutched at the flesh of her upper arms, conserving whatever meager heat she had.

There were two doors on either side of her, wooden like everything else, but they were firm and solid despite the atrophy around them. She studied their plain surfaces, her lips pulled into a grim frown. She fiddled with one of the door knobs. Locked.

Fuz sighed and drew herself back to her full height, forcing herself to stop shivering. Okay, so the door was locked. That could mean two things. Either there was something important on the other side, or she was getting paranoid. Well one way or another she would find out. She dropped to her knees and put the side of her head to the floor, temple resting on the freezing wood. The crack under the door was very thin, and she strained her eyes painfully to see through it.

It was too dark to see well, even with her night vision, but she could barely make out a thick film of dust on the floor. It was some how uneven. Like-

Something moved.

A sharp intake of breath racked her body, and she bolted upright, eyes wide, claws digging into the floor at her sides. Her heart was a panicked bird caged in her chest. No. Stop. Breathe in. Breathe out. She was an Irken. She could take this.

So there was something on the other side of the door. Something alive. And whatever it was, it knew she was there. Fuz forced her face into a ferocious snarl, and stood from the dirty floor, flexing her claws. She was claiming this place now. That creature had to go.

She removed a glove, letting it fall to the floor and brandished a long silver talon. Her breath was the only sound in the room until she poked it into the key hole and began to move it around. Eventually she managed to unlock the door, and she steeled herself, forcing her face into a fearless glare. Whatever could attack her from behind this door had never fought an Irken before. She wanted to make it memorable.

She turned the stiff knob, and put her shoulder against the door, shoving it open with all her weight. The moment she stepped inside she was quite overwhelmed with the reek of animal and disease. Dust swirled around her, and she waved her claw in a vain attempt to blow it away, but it only swirled harder, making her choke. Her antennae curled, and she coughed and wheezed miserably, eyes flicking back and forth around the room in search of the foreign creature. Where had it gone? The room was empty except for her and a large cabinet on the other side of the room.

"Mmmrrowww!"

Fuz gasped as the creature leaped at her, paws extended forward, wielding little claws. She put her own claws up just fast enough to parry, and then followed through with a downwards sweep, bringing the monster to the ground and pinning it there with one hand. It writhed beneath her, a disgusting mass of fur and foam, struggling to hurt her an anyway that it could.

The whole thing had happened so fast, Fuz hadn't had enough time to be anything but terrified, but now that she was in control of the situation again, she had to laugh. It was only an animal. An insentient, four-legged animal that barely came up to her knee. How could this thing have caused her so much grief? She snickered at it, and snarled when it managed to catch her finger between its teeth. She put more weight on it, and that was enough to make it let go, yowling as her claws dug into its soft belly.

Fuz rubbed the creature with her antennae inquiringly, picking up its scent. It was obviously ill, and the type of disease was clear. Rabies. It was absolutely disgusting and she curled her lip, but kept her hand firm. Rabies was no threat to the non-mammal Irken race, but she had seen it before on many planets. As far as she was concerned, the only cure for it was death.

Fuz swiftly provided that cure, and then stood up, wiping foam from her hands onto her pants. The dust from when the door had opened had barely settled, and she was careful not to disturb it as she crossed the floor and observed the cabinet on the other side of the room. Apparently it was supposed to be covered by a white sheet, but that sheet had fallen off, and was full of scratch marks, probably made by the mad animal. Fuz picked it up and held it out in front of her, studying it for a moment before let it drop onto the floor and moved onto the cabinet.

Like everything else, it was old and wooden, but it didn't seem quite as old as the rest of the house; just... experienced. It was a rich reddish brown color and beautifully crafted, but Fuz didn't stop to admire it as she took the iron handle in her hand and turned it. Instantly an overwhelming reek of death saturated the air and made her gag, but that didn't stop her from peaking in.

Inside the cabinet was a pile of dead rodents, all mangled and torn and ragged. Fuz glanced at them only for a moment before her eyes returned to the mad animal and back again. She left the cabinet and rushed to fetch the little monster, gabbing it by the scruff of its neck. If that cabinet was where the predator put his prey, she wouldn't be the one to end the cycle. In the monster went, and Fuz closed the door firmly, putting the sheet back on top of the cabinet where it belonged.

She glanced around the room one more time, and then left it, entering the corroding hallway once more. The other door was still there, as big and imposing as the first had been. Fuz was much quicker about investigating this one. She fell to her knees and peeked under the crack, but this time, she couldn't see anything at all.

She slid in one antenna and swiped it across the floor, trying to pick up various scents, but dust quickly covered her feeler, and clogged up its sensors. She pulled it out and brushed it off gently, sighing in frustration. This house was so dirty, you could roll on the floor and you'd be carrying enough diseases to use against a whole planet as a biological weapon. There was no way she could scent anything useful like this.

She stood up and brushed the scum from the front of her uniform, sighing softly. All the dust in the air made her throat feel dry, and that combined with the cold made it sting. She noticed detachedly that she wasn't shivering anymore. At least she had that in her favor.

This door was even harder to push open than the first; she had to strain her legs against it and grunt loudly as she finally forced it open. Its movement made another cloud of swirling dust, and she stepped back out of the room for a quick breath of air before she continued.

This room definitely appeared the most lived in. Though the walls, ceiling, and floor were predictably wooden, their was a rug on the floor, as dirty and worn as it may have been, and a little set of chairs set around a coffee table. To the side was a stone-laden hole in the wall, probably used for making fire.

'Humans," mused Fuz, climbing onto the hearth to investigate. 'Still depending on flame,'

She poked her head inside, noting the design of the pit. The way the chimney worked, the way it distributed the heat all over the room. It may not have been impressively advanced, but Fuz admitted it was clever.

She amused herself for a short while by playing with the ashes, writing her name in the dust and blowing it away with a puff of her breath. It felt magnificently soft, and she played with it in her hands, picking it up and letting it slip through her fingers. It was fun for a little while until she realized she was wasting her time. She stood up again, brushing her hands on one another, sighing between her teeth. She hadn't seen anything dangerous yet. That meant the house was safe, right? She could go back and give the all clear, right?

Wrong.

The moment Fuz had finished brushing herself free of ash, her antennae perked up, rotating slowly as the searched for scents. She had smelled something; she knew it. What was...?

There. She turned to the fire place and leaned forward to investigate. It was undeniable. Smoke was rising slowly from the cold charcoal, making it glow the faintest red. Fuz's eyes lit up with interest. Was the fire place automated? It was possible, though unlikely. This house made it seem like humans didn't even have electricity yet. But how else could it have lit up on its own?

She watched it curiously for a moment, tilting her head as the smoke rose up, and then a smile broke across her face. She put her hands into the fire place, holding them up to warm them. But then she frowned. Her hands didn't feel warmer. They felt colder.

She leaned farther, her fingers only inches from its glowing surface, but still she felt no heat. Well, it was just an ember, not even a fire. Maybe if she got it going, she'd have this place warmed up.

Fuz stood up and looked slowly around the room for something to burn. Her eyes went to the filthy rug, and she picked up its corner. Then she took her ungloved hand and hacked her claws across it, tearing it off. Maybe that rug had been pretty once, but it wasn't anymore. It was good for burning.

She took it back to the fire place, and maneuvered it under the ember so the glowing wood was sitting doggedly on top. It still didn't light. What was with this thing? She glared at it and stood up, walking away. She had better things to do than play with primitive fire.

Immediately after she had stepped off the hearth, steely cold pierced her like needles. She gasped and stepped back, but it didn't go away; it was still there like a smothering cloud around her. Goosebumps sprung up on her exposed arms, and she hugged them both tightly against her chest. Her breath made clouds in front of her face.

How did it get so cold all of a sudden? Why? Fuz returned her gaze to the fire, worry lines crawling across her features. It was still just a glowing hunk of wood on top of the rug. Maybe she should keep trying to light it. She let herself drop to her hands and knees, her teeth hammering against each other as she scooted closer. The glowing red ember remained stubbornly inactive despite the shivers racking her body. Was it _taunting_ her?

Fuz lost her patience and grabbed the ember tightly in her claws. Instantly she gasped and dropped it back into the fire pit, eyes wide with alarm. The ember wasn't warm at all. It was cold as ice.

For a long moment she just sat there, staring sightlessly at her claws reflecting the red light. That didn't make sense. Fire was hot, so this couldn't be fire. Maybe this was something entirely different that could only be found on Earth? Maybe she should take a sample back. Run some tests, get some data. But first thing's first; she had to escape this insane cold. Shivers made it hard to control her hands, and her sight was beginning to blur...

Screw this! Fuz turned around and struck the ember like a viper, rage flowing through her veins with every heart beat. This had to be some trick or a trap of some sort! And she had _fallen_ for it!

Her claw pierced into the wood, and a painful shock of cold shot through the nerve. She brought it back with an alarmed cry and stumbled away, The ember was broken in half, and flame had erupted from its depths. Fuz screamed as it leaped from the pit, sparks flying and catching on the wood and ancient furnishings. Wildly it spread, consuming everything.

Fuz turned and looked hastefully around for the door. It was time to leave. This place was not safe.

Where was it? She buzzed along the room, eyes wide with terror, but still focused and calculating as always. Her claws raked desperately at the wooden walls. The door had disappeared. She was trapped.

The flame was growing, spreading, a red monster with a gaping mouth and lashing tongues. It was so close, Fuz could smell its breath as though it were right in front of her face. Her legs were shaking beneath her, collapsing even as she scrambled around the edge of the floor.

The room was on fire, but all she felt was cold.

"Who's there!" She roared as she whirled around. This must have been someone's intention or it wouldn't have happened. Whoever it was, she would make them regret it. "Who's done this?

Her eyes widened as she looked back into the room. The fire had spread throughout the entire place, and it whirled around her like a cyclone. But the fire pit, where it had originated, was flameless and dark like a tunnel. The thought of ripping apart the one responsible for the trap was immediately purged from her mind, and she dived towards it, falling to all fours to move even faster. The room was so cold. Right now all she wanted was to get out.

Fuz took no notice of the ash and soot on her clothes as she climbed into the pit and lifted her body over the wood. Her breathing was heavy; the freezing air ripped at her throat like tiny claws. The space behind the fire place was dark and cramped end every bit as cold as the one she had just left, and the stone walls seemed to get bigger, closer. Fuz scrambled along the hard floor, her claws clacking and scraping as she struggled to squeeze through. The further she moved, the narrower the tunnel seemed.

Her antennae lifted slightly when she found the opening at the end of the tunnel. The floor beneath her formed a steep hill upwards, opening up to a darkened room, but with her night vision, it was easy for her to see inside. Fuz took a deep breath of cold air and lunged upwards, gripping the stone with her torn claws. They scraped even further as she pulled herself up, and hoisted her body over the edge, into the room.

There was a desk at the other end, and shelves lined the wall, though they didn't contain many books. They mostly displayed models and diagrams and skeletons of small Earthern animals. Their shadows were slanted and eerie. Fuz slowly approached the center of the room, and glanced around. It was a study of some sort, a place of withdraw and refuge for a stranger. Frantically her antennae whirled, picking up scents. Dust, chemicals, ink, paper. She processed them all rapidly, and returned her gaze to the desk on the other end of the room.

There seemed to be a shadow sitting there. It was big and broad, leaning over the desk. Two little pinpricks gleamed from it's face, little black orbs fixed on her. Eyes.

She froze. The insufferable cold was back, and the tightening in her stomach was no illusion. Her pulse accelerated at an alarming pace, and her breathing, already heavy, was making her chest hurt.

"You're trespassing," rumbled the massive shadow behind the desk.

"I know."

The shadow stood from behind the desk, and filled the room with it's magnitude. It lumbered toward her slowly, swaying side to side with every step. Fuz took a quick and panicked glance behind her, searching for the tunnel she had crawled through. She wouldn't like to go back into the flaming room, but it would be reassuring to know there was an escape route.

Like the door in the last room, the tunnel was gone.

"If you know," said the shadow. A massive hand closed around her head, but it didn't feel like an actual solid object. It was like a magnetic force pushing against her, lifting her feet up off the floor so she couldn't run. She reached up to grab the shadow's wrist, kicking her feet frantically as she attempted to dislodge herself from his grip, but it squeezed tighter, and she grunted, letting her legs hang uselessly. "Then you must have a reason."

"A good reason," Fuz agreed, her claws scrambling against the shadows fingers. Whatever nails the enormous creature had, they were digging painfully into her cranium. "I'm claiming your house."

The slivers of shiny black on the thing's face widened. "Claim?" It repeated violently. "Claim _my_ house?"

The shadow's grip tightened, and Fuz cried out. Bringing her feet up to kick away, she swung her body to slam against the creature. She was expecting to hit something solid and black, but she found herself falling to the floor, the grip on her head having vanished along with the shadow.

She fell with a painful thud and scrambled to her feet, breath heavy and loud within her. The shadow, which had filled the room not moment before, had completely disappeared. Her antennae stood on end, swiveling as she scanned the room for it. She couldn't scent it or hear it; it was as if it had never been there.

"Yes," she said loudly, eyes wide to help her night vision. She couldn't see it anymore, but she was certain it was still there; the cold hadn't left. "Claiming the house. It's mine now. If you have a problem with that, you can try to stop me, but I am firm in my decision, and I will not leave."

Silence was the only answer.

Fuz stood there a moment more, alert for the shadow if it were to return, but when nothing happened, she allowed herself to relax and scanned the room again. Then she frowned. The tunnel was still gone, and there was no door. No window, no vents, no openings. She was trapped. Trapped with the shadow.

"It was you, wasn't it?" she continued. "You designed the trap in the fire room, didn't you? I admit it was clever. I was quite fooled."

Still the shadow did not make a second appearance. She huffed and crossed her arms. If only the monster man would show himself. She'd rather battle a creature seven times her size than be trapped in a room with no hope of leaving. At least then she would have a vague idea of how to start. But for now, this was all she could do; provoke the creature until it saw fit to strike once more.

"You'd think someone so protective of his home would take better care of it." She teased. "Rats everywhere. It's quite disgusting. And while your house crumbles around you, you just stay in your little man cave and keep your head down. Pathetic."

Why wouldn't the creature show? Why weren't her insults working? Why didn't this place have a door? Fuz's breath was quickening despite her attempts to calm it, and her heart was a prisoner in her rib cage, banging against its bars frantically. Cold, dark, inescapable. The room was a cell.

With this horrible realization, Fuz fell to her knees, eyes open as wide as they would go. Trapped. This had been the shadow's intention.

She moved against the wall and brought her knees up, resting her hands at her sides. One thing she had always prided herself in was being handy in a pinch, being cool-headed despite everything else. She tapped into that now, drawing strength, calming her mind.

She would not be here forever, Fuz reminded herself. She was an esteemed Irken invader, and much stronger than she looked. All she needed was a plan. Other irkens were clueless in the field of planning, but it came naturally to her, like a primal instinct, the one thing she could depend on. Her antennae leaned forward as she focused, lightly touching her forehead.

First thing first, she needed to know what she was up against. She was in a crazy house trapped by some... creature. It most certainly wasn't human as far as she could tell. She had seen the over-evolved apes wandering around, and none of them were like the shadow. Not even close.

What data had she collected so far? She knew the house was cold. Fuz took note of that as she crossed her arms on top of her knees and rested her head on them. The shadow had used that to its advantage to lure her to the fire place, and when she tried to leave, the cold became too unbearable for her_ not _to continue trying to light the ember. What had been with that ember anyway? It had glowed orange like true fire, but it had felt like a chunk of ice.

Her eyes widened and her antennae flew upwards. Where had she heard that trick before? The thing about the cold fire? Yes. It was in that book. That book she had gone through heck to find. That book she had left hidden on Evestan. The Book of Souls.

Souls. Of course. The shadow was not even alive; it was a wandering soul, bound to its home forever. She remembered what she knew from the book, and her entire body seemed to slump with relief, though her heart still thudded in her chest. Just a wandering spirit, albeit a powerful one. At least now she knew what was going on. Suddenly she wished she had brought the book with her so she could set it on her lap and turn the worn pages, feeling the softness of the paper. But no. It was better it remained where it was. She didn't need it anyway; she had memorized it all down to the punctuation marks.

Recalling what she had learned from the dusty old pages, Fuz dug through her Pak. Medicines and other things she crammed to the side until she found what she was looking for, and her claws closed around it.

It was a glass flask, with clear, foggy fluid swirling around inside. On the top was a silver figurine of some quadruped alien creature she didn't know the name of. It was perched elegantly with its tail wrapped soundly around the flask. It's eyes were indents in the silver, and its lips were drawn into a faint smile. The whole thing was about as long as her forearm from bottom to top, but somehow her little Pak was able to hold it without too much of a problem.

Fuz stood from the floor, and spread her legs for a firmer stance, holding the flask in front of her with stiffly strait arms. She'd practiced with the little device many times before, perfecting her technique and testing out different strategies. Those had all been on live souls, though. She'd never encountered a dead one. She squinted her eyes slightly as she flicked her thumb as the head of the silver animal, causing it to open its jaws. There was no sound, no beam of light, no apparition forming from its breath, but she had read that its silent roar would force the spirit to reveal itself, and she trusted every word in that book as if her life depended on it.

"Where did you get that?" hissed the shadow. She hadn't seen it coming or going, but suddenly it was there in front of her, its eyes not a foot from her's. "Do you know what that is?"

She grinned at it, despite the cold and fear twisting her gut into knots. "As a matter of fact, I do. I found it. And the book along with it."

The shadow's icy cold hands made swift, frantic grabs for the flask, but she pulled it out of reach and then thrust it forward, and the creature leaped back. It seemed to retreat to the other end of the room, trying to put as much distance between itself and Fuz as possible, but somehow it couldn't leave, as if it were being restrained.

"You couldn't have!" gasped the spirit. "They were hidden and cursed never to be found!"

"The curse must have worn off." said Fuz calmly. Her arm rose, and with it, the flask.

"But the book was written in a language that has been forgotten!"

"That was trickier," Fuz admitted. "I had to find a way to translate it, and there wasn't much to go by, but I managed."

The shadow scrambled up against the wall. "You... you're not..."

"No," Sighed Fuz. "Not yet. Not completely."

The shadow seemed to grin, and began to rise slowly to its full height again. "Then... then you're no threat. You wouldn't take a soul. You don't have the nerve."

This shadow obviously didn't know her too well. She had taken souls. Evastanian souls. She'd just never taken a dead one before. It would be fun to try it. Fuz gave the ghost a cheeky grin, and the shadow's eyes widened; it's smile fell. "You..."

Fuzs claw hit the head of the flasks top, and it's jaws parted wider, its silvery teeth glowing. The shadow struggled mightily, but there was nothing that could be done. It was sucked into the flask's mouth, it's screams shaking the room.

"No! No, stop! I don't want to go in there! Don't make me go in there!"

"I didn't want to be trapped in this little room of yours either," said Fuz, watching with a satisfied grin. "But here I am. And there you go."

"No!" It cried. "The house is yours! All yours! Just let me go!"

Fuz's grin became more malicious. "Why? This place is mine either way. I'll only benefit."

The shadow's fingers gripped the wood of the floor and dug in deeply, leaving huge dashes as the flask pulled it closer and closer. It's breath was heavy. "You'll... you'll never get out of here. The rooms cursed. Only I can reverse it."

"That would be a problem," said Fuz, pretending to look at her claws with disinterest. "If only I didn't know you were bluffing. Once you're gone, all your curses will be lifted. I'll be scott free." She grinned, baring needle-sharp teeth. "But you won't be."

"No!"

The shadow was gone.

Fuz closed the flask's mouth.

Here she was again. In the room that had been ablaze in cold fire. It was as if she had never tried to light that ember. She sighed as she let herself collapse on the dusty floor. The wandering spirit was gone. She had captured it. That was one mission accomplished.

What had been the initial objective? Oh yes. She'd been "poking her head in and looking around." Well she'd done that. It hadn't been safe. But she had made it safe. It was time to report.

* * *

Icky, slimy, wet, bumpy, and ugly. Those were all words that would have described very well what Quin was holding in her hands. But in addition to those, she had come up with cute, lovable, silly, and bouncy. She hugged it close to her chest with a wordless coo, and then skipped over to the SIR unit. The little animal in her hands was trying to wriggle away, so she had to be careful.

"Hey, SIR!" she called to it, and held the little creature out in front of her. It blinked stupidly at the robot. "What's this thing?"

"That is a frog," said the SIR. "An amphibian."

"I love him!" exclaimed Quin, squeezing the poor thing to her chest. Its eyes bulged out even further. "I'm gonna name him Mudd, and we'll have all kinds of fun, won't we sweetheart?"

The frog demonstrated its agreement by leaping out of her arms and hopping away. Quin stared after it for a few moments and then sighed. "Bye, bye, Mudd..."

The sound of approaching footsteps caused her to raise her antennae, and she turned around. Fuz had emerged from the house, and was dusting a thick sheet of dust from her front. Quin promptly forgot her frog problem and whirled around, skipping to meet her. "Hey!" she squeaked cheerfully. "Is the house good?"

Fuz nodded, and raised her antennae slightly. She did that often, Quin had noticed. "There was a little pest problem, but I took care of it. It's safe now."

"Are you sure? I reeeeally don't like that place. We could find somewhere else!"

Fuz shook her head, raising her antennae higher, and Quin let her's droop in submission. No one ever dared to try arguing with Fuz; Quin didn't know why, but she wasn't about to try and find out.

The older woman turned from her wordlessly and wandered toward the voot to retrieve the invader's base builder while Quin followed her, eyes wide with curiosity. She watched as Fuz pushed open the cockpit and got it from under one of the seats, along with a soft bundle.

"Hey, Fuz," squeaked Quin. "What's that?"

"Mine. That's all you need to know."

The voot slammed shut with a bang, and Fuz walked briskly toward the house. Quin followed, having to move much faster to keep up with Fuz's more lengthy strides. "What is it, though?"

The antennae on the taller Irken shot up aggressively, but she didn't turn around. "That's none of your concern!"

Quin fell quiet as Fuz toyed with the invader's base builder. She moved the stylus across the pad with an artist's hand and then with a satisfied sigh, she threw it at the house. "Back away now," she ordered as she began to run. "Back away!" Quin immediately obeyed and ran to take cover behind a tree.

Metal beams shot out of the ground like claws, gripping the ancient wooden house and expanding. Quin gasped and curled up tightly behind the tree, hiding her head with her hands. The sounds of metal smacking metal and electronic pulses were shoving urgency into her blood and making her heart race. The Earth was shaking beneath her, and the trees trembled, showering the forest floor with dislodged branches. Quin let out a terrified squeak when a very large one fell almost on top of her.

And then, as if someone had pulled a plug, it stopped.

"Is it safe?" Quin asked after a few long seconds. Slowly she stood up, cautious and aware. "Is it done?"

"Yes, Quin," said Fuz. "It's done."

The little Irken emerged from her hiding place, looking about, and then scampered to meet Fuz in the clearing. She was looking over the house with a critical eye, but she seemed pleased enough with it. Quin looked at it too.

The creepy old house that had been there only moments before was now a terrifying fortress. The sides were covered with metal plates like scales shining silver in the dappled moonlight, and the roof was brimmed with steel. Quin's eyes were drawn to the stone monsters that were frozen on their perches about the house, mouths open in eternal roars and snarls. Their eyes were small on their faces, black and angry. They looked like cameras.

"Perfect isn't it?" purred Fuz. "The metal provides protection and intimidation. And the gargoyles were a good touch, don't you think?"

"Yeah," said Quin quietly. Her eyes were wide with fear. "It's great."

Fuz nodded happily and clapped her hands. "Well! SIR, come here!"

The robot promptly left the snake it had been observing, and ran to its mistress, eyes shining brilliant red in the darkness. "Sir!" it said, saluting. Fuz rolled her eyes at it an gestured to the voot.

"Park the ship, SIR, and guard the house. Quin and I are off to see Outlaw Zim."

The android saluted again. "Yes, master, I obey!" Then it hopped into the cruiser to fulfill its orders. Fuz turned from the house and began walking, followed closely by Quin.

"Now remember, Quin," she said. "You must call him_ Invader_ Zim, and you must act submissive. That's what he'll be expecting from you."

Quin nodded. "Okay,"

"Just let me do the talking. It will be fine."

* * *

"Is that the last one?" Zim impatiently asked Gir, as he dropped a mouse into the incinerator by its tail. The robot clapped his hands and nodded happily.

"Yeah!" he said. "'Cept for the kitty cat!"

"Gir, there never was a kitty cat."

"Oh yeah..."

Zim huffed and marched away from the Gir, snapping his fingers. "I feel like I'm forgetting something important. Like..."

"_Like that you left your cookies in the oven?_" said the computer sarcastically, making the Irken jump. "_Or that you_ should _be expecting_ company?"

"Oh yes! Of course!" Zim whirled around and pointed at Gir. "You! Go get the cookies!" The robot promptly burst into joyful laughing and ran up the stairs, waving his arms.

"_No! There are no cookies, Zim!_ _The other invader! You forgot all about her!_"

The invader gasped and brought his petite claws up to his mouth, gaping in horror. "Oh no! The other invader! I forgot all about her!"

The computer said nothing.

"It haven't come up with a plan to destroy her yet!" Zim faltered, eyes flickering frantically around the room "I'll have to improvise! Gir! Forget the cookies! They mean nothing anymore!"

"Whaaaaaat?" Girs high-pitched voice was muffled from the floor above. "Why you bein' mean to cookies?"

"Just come down here quickly! We have much to discuss!" Zim's antennae were standing on end as he paced around the room, eyes moving from one of his experiments to the next in a search for inspiration. "I don't even remember making cookies..." He mumbled slowly to himself.

"That's because you didn't!" said the computer frustratedly, but of course it was ignored. "Honestly, Zim, have you never heard of sarcasm? Man..."

The loud clatter of metal against metal drew Zim out of his thoughts and sent him jumping into the air. "Here I am!" declared Gir, picking himself up off the floor. He held a little yellow box into the air. "I got crayons!"

"We have no time for colorful wax-tubes, Gir!" shouted Zim, gesturing wildly around the room. "Our entire mission is at jeopardy! My_ reputation_ is at jeopardy!"

The robot blinked at him, and then held out his box of crayons in a friendly offering. "Crayons?"

Zim took the box from him and set it absentmindedly on a table. "Do you know how many other Invaders needed help to conquer their planets, Gir?"

The robot cocked his head as he thought. "Um... four?"

Zim sighed and brought a hand to his face where the bridge on his nose would be. "No, Gir. None of the other invaders had help. Do you have any idea how embarrassing it would be if the mighty Zim were the only one?"

"... A lot?"

"Yes, Gir. A lot. Alotalotalotalot. That's why we have to make the other invader go away!"

Gir stared at him with large, round eyes, and it was impossible to tell what he was thinking. "Can I have my crayons back, then?" he asked innocently. Zim took them uncaringly from the table and handed them to him.

"So we need to come up with a plan," He continued loudly as he walked to the other side of the room, claws held tightly behind his back. His robot took a sheet of paper from a table and lay on his belly, doodling.

"We could ask real nice," Gir suggested, blue eyes cast down at his drawing. "We gotta say 'go away, please' and then she'll go."

Zim shook his head. "You just don't get it," he sighed. "Hmm... if I were sent as help to another Invader, what would make me change my mind _without _me realizing that the other guy wanted to get rid of me?"

"Leprechauns!" Gir shouted as he looked up from his drawing and accidentally broke a yellow crayon between his fingers. He stared at it sadly, but then shrugged and popped it into his mouth, picking out an orange one to use instead. "They's really scary!"

"But we don't have leprechaun technology! We've got to think, Gir! She'll be here any minute!"

Gir's tongue stuck out from the corner of his mouth, and he brought his face very close to his doodle. "Hold on," he said. "I'm almost done..."

Zim snatched the paper right out from under Gir's crayon, making a big, ugly line of orange wax run across it. The robot let out a horrified whine, and made grabby hands for it, but the invader held it above his head, out of his reach. "This is no time for useless drawing, Gir!" He shouted. "There is much more important work to do!"

"But it's not done!" cried Gir, jumping up and down in fruitless attempts at grabbing his masterpiece. "I was just drawing his tail, and you made me mess up!"

Zim huffed and glanced at the drawing, raising an eyebrow. On the paper was a half-finished picture of a lion, with ovals for the head and the body and sticks for everything else. The line that had been marked on the paper when he had grabbed it took away all its charm, like a worm in a good apple. He sighed and let it slip between his fingers, falling into his minion's waiting hands. Gir's miserable whimpering instantly became a giggle, and he flopped his belly once more, brandishing his crayon.

"Stupid robot," grumbled Zim. "Stupid planet. Stupid invader. Stupid lion. Stupid, stupid, stupid..." Suddenly his eyes lit up and he whirled around to face Gir once more, one claw pointing triumphantly into the air.. "Gir! I have a plan!"

"We gonna get a leprechaun?"

"No. Hurry, Gir, to the disguise generating room! There isn't much time!"

**_A.N. Any who do not review will regret it for the rest of their existance. The flask is out. And it's waiting._**


	6. Clash of the Invaders

**_A.N. Wow, I am so excited with all the posostive attention this story is getting! It's like my baby. I just love writing it. I hope you enjoy this chapter!_**

The air was quiet and smooth, and the warmth of the sun was growing with the light, stretching it's red fingers across the sky. Fuz led Quin through the grass, holding her hand to keep her from falling behind. They were both in their new holographic disguises, but while Fuz was quite comfortable in her's, Quin seemed to have a fervent disliking for them. She would not stop tucking her long brown hair behind her ear.

"Stop your fidgeting, smeet," Fuz told her tonelessly.

"But I can't stop! It keeps falling in my face, and I'm nervous."

Fuz glanced down at the shorter Irken and met the chocolate brown of her large human looking eyes. She was clearly apprehensive about meeting the most notorious Irken of all time. But Fuz's face did not soften or lose its strict edge. "Zim wouldn't dare hurt you. Come on. Day is breaking, and we've kept him waiting long enough."

"Why does it matter?" asked Quin innocently. Fuz did not look down or acknowledge her, but she continued anyway. "I thought you were just going to kill him anyway."

"I am, but..." Fuz trailed of when the green house came into view. They were walking through the back yard instead of approaching at the front, so they could only see the back of the house, tall and leering. Fuz didn't seem the least bit unsettled, but Quin rushed to her side, hiding meekly behind her.

"But what?" She asked quietly.

"Nothing," hissed Fuz. "Just stay close and be silent. And stay away from those statue things in the front. I think he's using them as defense towers."

They trudged silently around the side of the house, staying close together until the porch was in sight, and Quin ran ahead of Fuz, beating her there. "Can I press the button?" She asked. "I really wanna push the button."

"Hurry up," barked Fuz, stepping calmly onto the porch. "I didn't want to seem so untimely."

Quin bit her lip excitedly and pushed the doorbell, jumping in surprise and delight when it made a ringing sound from inside the house. Fuz rolled her eyes and began tapping her foot as they waited for the door to open. She could hear excited whispers from inside the house, but couldn't make out what they were saying.

Finally the door swung open, and Fuz and Quin were welcomed by the furry face of a disguised SIR unit. It was all zipped up in a lion costume, and covered in little orange hairs particularly around its head. It glanced back at something behind it, as if waiting for some sort of cue.

"Now, Gir!" Someone whispered excitedly from inside the house. "And do it real scary!"

"Rawr!" Gir shouted, waving his arms around in what was probably meant to be a frightening way. Fuz raised and eyebrow and shifted her weight, but Quin's entire face lit up, and she fell to her knees in front of the little robot, reaching out to pet him.

"He's so cute!" She cooed, scratching under his chin. Gir seemed to forget that he was supposed to be scary and slumped, leaning onto her hand and gurgling happily. Fuz ignored them in favor of turning off her disguise letting herself into the house.

"Zim!" She barked, swiveling her antennae. She could easily pick up his scent somewhere in the room. "Invader Zim, front and center!"

Silence.

Fuz and Quin exchanged quick glances, and both stepped further into the house, looking nervously up at the tangle of wires that was the ceiling. The invader they had been sent to assassinate was undoubtedly somewhere in the house, and the wires were the most obvious hiding place.

"Invader Zim, this is an order from your superior," hissed Fuz. "I want you here where I can see you. _Now_."

"No!" Someone shouted, though it wasn't from the ceiling. Quin squeaked and scurried to hide behind Fuz, who didn't react beyond shifting her gaze and raising her antennae.

"Excuse me?" The tall invader hissed. "_What_ did you just say?"

"No!"

"Zim, get out here!" Fuz was quickly growing impatient.

"No!"

"You have until three, Zim!"

"No!

"One."

"No!"

"Two."

"NEEEEHHHH!" The notorious Outlaw Zim leaped out from behind the couch and scrambled for the kitchen, his Pak legs emerging. Quin peeled a terrified scream and ran in the opposite direction toward the door so that she could flee at a moment's notice, but Fuz charged after him, extending her own Pak legs.

"What do you think you're doing!" roared Fuz. "Get back here, soldier!"

"No!" shouted Zim. "I won't take orders from you! This is my planet! I was here first!" He looked wildly around the room until his giant red eyes found a flower pot on the window sill, and he grabbed it, launching it at Fuz. It would have hit her square in the head if she didn't raise her claws and bat it away, sending it shattering to the floor. Her antennae shot up like beacons, asserting her dominance, but Zim's didn't lower.

"Stand down, Zim!" Fuz shouted. "Or I will use force!"

"Go ahead!" challenged Zim, hopping side to side. Maybe he wasn't as tall or frightening as this new female invader, but when it came to hand-to-hand combat, the battle was _his_, and there was nothing she could do to change that. "I dare you!"

Fuz accepted his dare with a roar and flung herself toward him, her teeth bared, and her antennae held forward so they fell in front of her eyes. Zim moved his antennae forward too, and swerved at a diagonal angle, going around and beneath her at the same time. They passed each other without a clash and swerved around again, both braced for action.

"You're quick," commented Fuz, a somehow blank look in her indigo eyes. Zim flashed her a cheeky grin, and jumped in the air, spinning toward her. Fuz let herself fall to her back, catching herself on two Pak legs, and kicking upwards at Zim with the other six. He gasped, having expected her to dodge beneath him instead, but he parried in time not to be pierced and slammed into the wall, crumpling to the floor.

Breathing heavily, Fuz leaped away, and swerved towards him again, giving herself room to defend. Zim scrambled to his feet, and lifted himself on his Pak legs. "You're mean," he growled, but got ready to attack again. He was the almighty Zim, the best fighter in the universe. No female could take that away.

He surged forward, two Pak legs going up, and two going down, moving to snap around Fuz like jaws. Her eyes widened and she cried out in alarm, but she ran between the Pak legs, and headbutted Zim in the gut, sending him sprawling to the ground again.

"Hey!" Shouted Zim. "That hurt!"

"Are you ready to surrender?" asked Fuz calmly, placing a foot on Zim's belly.

She towered over him, leering down with glittering midnight eyes. Zim bared his teeth from the floor and squirmed beneath her, Pak legs writhing. How could she even ask him that? Asking the mighty Zim to surrender was like asking an infant to recite Shakespeare. It just didn't happen.

"Fuz?" Quin's soft, frightened voice squeaked from the doorway.

Fuz looked up.

This was his chance.

He thrust one Pak leg at Fuz's chest, and she cried out as he lifted her into the air and pinned her to the ceiling. He stood up slowly, using his Pak legs to brace himself.

"Why you...!" Fuz struggled and kicked, pushing against the ceiling with her Pak legs, but the harder she pushed, the more Zim's blade dug into her belly. The outlaw grinned up at her, breathing heavily.

"Yeah, I know. I'm uh..." Zim trailed off and put his hands on his knees, holding up a finger to ask for a moment to catch his breath. "I'm... yeah," He stood up and straightened his tunic. "I'm amazing."

Fuz didn't seem to agree. "You're a despicable snake," she hissed.

"Yeah," chuckled Zim. "That too, I guess. But mostly I'm _ZIM_!"

Fuz glared, but her eyes were calculating. She glanced down at the Pak leg that was pinning her to the ceiling, and back at Zim, who seemed too busy talking to realize she was about to escape.

"And you thought you were my superior!" he scoffed. "You couldn't hold your own against a mole! Even if that mole was a girl! A girl mole with a tooth ache! And a hearing impairment! Yes! Ha ha! The really small deaf mole of girly tooth doom will destroy you! AND YOU WILL BE COMPLETELY HELPLESS!"

In one swift movement, Fuz swiped Zim's Pak leg away with her own and fell down, catching herself expertly. Zim cut himself off and leaped back, springing into a fighting stance again. "You cheater!" He growled. "I had you fair and square!"

"But you couldn't hold me!"

So they launched at each other again, and became a writhing ball of metal blades and silver claws, seeking the blood of the other. Their roars and shrieks filled the room, along with the sound of ripping flesh and steel clanging against steel. Quin watched in terror.

What should she do? Could Fuz handle this on her own? Should she run? No... that would be cowardly. But she certainly didn't want to get into the fight. A brawl between the infamous Outlaw Zim and the mysterious Invader Fuz was not a battle she wanted to get in the middle of.

"Fuz!" Quin shouted into the kitchen. Wooden chairs were being torn up under the sheer force of the fight, and Zim's head banging against the window made the glass break with a loud shatter. He propelled forward and tried to bite for Fuz's throat, but she bucked beneath him, and began to claw upwards at his, ignoring the little Irken in the living room, who was calling her name. "Fuz!"

She still wasn't listening. After parrying her strike at his throat, Zim grabbed Fuz's claws and dug his Pak legs into the floor to hold himself steady as her swung her into the living room. She was much bigger and heavier then he was, but with the combined force of him and his Pak, he launched her into the air, and she fell heavily on her back, almost on top of Quin, who screamed and scrambled away before Zim followed through.

"You shouldn't have tried to steal my planet from me, _Fuz_," he hissed at her, as he pinned her down, his Pak legs pushing against the ceiling to compensate for his lack of weight. "I can conquer this ball of filth on my own."

Fuz grinned and chuckled quietly. "I don't want your precious Earth, _invader_." One of her Pak legs snaked up to Zim's exposed belly, and dug upward sharply, piercing the fibers of his tunic and slicing into his flesh. He jumped back with a yelp, and crouched low to the ground, antennae still held forward do they fell in front of his bright red eyes. Breathing shallowly, He brought his hand up to his new stinging wound and then pulled it away.

There was blood on his fingers.

"If you don't want Earth," began Zim, proud of how steady and strong his voice sounded. "Why did the tallests send you here?"

Fuz's grin grew wider, sharper. "Because you made a big mistake when you tried to kidnap them, Zim. Now they want you dead. So here I am."

"Oh." Zim crossed his arms and adopted a more relaxed posture, forcing himself not to flinch as it pulled on his wound. He let his antennae fall into a less aggressive position. "Then I worried for nothing. Here I thought the tallests would be mad at me for trying to get rid of you. But surely when I tell them you've gone rogue, they will excuse my disobedience."

Fuz brought herself to her feet, and lifted herself of the ground with her Pak legs, towering above Zim once more. "Let me say it again, just to be clear," she brought her face up close to his. "The _tallests _want you_ dead_. They sent me here so I could _kill _you. _They_ want _you _to _die_."

Zim stared at her for several seconds and then said the only thing he could think of.

"YOU'RE LYING!"

And so the fight began again.

Quin looked back and forth between them, panicked. Their roars, their growls, the constant sound or metal against metal was scaring the living daylights out of her. Beside her, Gir sat with a fish sticking out of his mouth watching calmly as Fuz and Zim tried to kill each other. She envied his lack of fear.

"What should I do?" She asked the disguised robot quietly. It glanced up at her, staring at her blankly, but then it looked back at the fight as if it hadn't heard her.

"Hey!" she said more loudly. "I'm talking to you!"

The robot screamed and ran away.

Quin sighed.

"_Wow, they're really duking it out, aren't they?_" a deep voice said from somewhere. Quin gasped in surprise, and it took her a while to realize it was a computer talking to her. "_I'm kind of worried Zim will make me clean up the mess later_."

"Yeah," Quin agreed reluctantly. "It must be a bother, huh?"

"_Yeah._"

She stood there a while, nervously watching Zim claw at Fuz's antennae. Fuz swiped her claws roughly across the smaller Irken's forearms, making him cry out, and then gabbed him by the shoulders, swinging him to the ground. Zim prevented himself from going down by putting a hand out and catching himself, doing a cartwheel to land on his feet. Fuz followed through by swinging from her Pak legs and thrusting her feet at Zim in the same place she had impaled him earlier. The smaller Irken screamed, and clutched his middle, barely dodging before Fuz brought both her fists down where his head had been.

"_It's like watching a PG13 movie,_" commented the computer. "_I should totally be filming this._"

"Yeah," said Quin meekly. "Um, actually... Mr. Computer, can I ask you a favor?"

This seemed to please the computer. "_Heh, wow, she called me 'Mister',_" But then it made a sound as if it were clearing it's throat. "_Yeah, what?_"

"Um," Quin glanced nervously down at her hands. "Do you think I could... contact the tallests real quick?"

"_Is that all?_" The huge picture of a green teddy bear that hung above the couch swiveled from its spot, revealing a monitor. "_Sure, go have fun. You can use that screen over there._"

"Thank you!" said Quin as she dived onto the couch, narrowly avoiding impalement from one of Zim's flailing Pak legs. She jumped into a standing position, and put her tiny hands on the back of the couch so she was facing the screen. "Can you contact them now?"

"_Sure._"

* * *

"Alright!" Tallest Red clapped his hands loudly as he sat on his illustrious throne beside his brother. "You ready for court to begin, Purple?"

"I am always ready for justice!" his brother said back to him with a grin. "Okay, guys, let's hurry up and get this over with so we can eat, huh? Bring in the first ones!"

"Yes sir!" shouted an enormous guard. He made an exaggerated motion with his massive gun, and the door opened.

"I really love my job," smiled Purple blissfully.

"Yeah," Red swirled his lemonade and took another sip. He wasn't nearly as enthusiastic about the workings of law as Purple was, but he still enjoyed watching his brother get all worked up about it. It was funny. "If only people knew what the justice system was actually like."

Two women, one yellow-eyed and one green-eyed were led into the room from the open door, both of them with their antennae raised aggressively until they saw the tallests. The yellow-eyed one was holding a screaming smeet close to her chest.

"Um... What's the problem here?" Asked Tallest Red.

"Sirs!" The yellow-eyed women cried. "This woman won't leave me alone! She keeps trying to take my smeet!"

"Mamma!" The smeet cried out, it's tiny hands reaching toward the green-eyed Irken.

"No, that's not true!" shouted the green-eyed woman. "He's my smeet! You stole him!"

"Did not!" shouted the yellow-eyed Irken.

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Somebody chop the kid in half!" Purple said loudly, and they both fell silent, wide eyes on him. One of the guard took and ax and began walking toward them.

"Okay," said the yellow-eyed woman. "Can I have the top half? The feet always kind of creep me out."

"No!" screamed the green-eyed Irken, falling to her knees. Purple raised and eyebrow in alarm. "Don't hurt him! I lied! He really is her baby!"

"Hmm..." Purple stroked his chin. "Alright, if you say so." He turned to the yellow-eyed woman. "Okay, you win. The smeet is yours. Go home and be happy!"

The yellow-eyed Irken cackled and ran off with the smeet, who screamed and stretched it's hands out toward the green-eyed Irken. "No! _MAMA_!" But the door slammed behind them, and the smeet could be heard no more.

"As for you!" Tallest Purple pointed a dramatic finger as the green-eyed Irken. "For trying to separate such a happy family and for lying in court, you are sentenced to death by chewing!"

"What?" the green-eyed woman screeched in horror.

"Yep!" Tallest Purple pointed at a guard. "You! Feed her to something slobbery!"

"Yes sir!" saluted the guard, and he grabbed the green-eyed woman's arm, dragging her out of the room.

Red sighed, putting his feet up. "I'm so glad it was a happy ending after all."

Purple put his feet up too, mimicking his older brother. "Yep. Justice has been served."

A loud beep from a monitor behind then made both of the tallests jump, and they fell out of their chairs onto the floor.

"Sirs," a technician said. "It's a call from Planet Earth. Shall I accept it?"

"That's got to be Fuz," Red told Purple, grinning. "She must have killed Zim."

"Accept the call!" Shouted Purple.

The face of a young pink-eyed Irken popped onto the screen, brows creased with worry. The tallest's antennae perked with confusion. "M-my tallests," she saluted.

"Hey!" Purple shouted, picking himself off the floor. "This channel is for invaders only! Who are you?"

She swallowed nervously. "Um, I'm Quin. I'm, uh... well I'm a trainee on Devastis, but I'm not at Devastis right now."

Red raised an eyebrow, but kept his face stern. "Why?"

"Because... I went with Fuz.. to Earth. You know, to kill Zim?"

Purple nodded. "Oh. Okay. Are you finished with that? Killing Zim, I mean?"

Quin tilted her head to the side. "Not quite yet, my tallests. It's, uh, it's a long process."

As if on cue, Quin was knocked to the side with a cry of alarm, and Zim's face replaced her's, annoyingly close to the screen. "My tallests?" He asked loudly. "Is that you? Hi, tallests! You know that invader you sent?"

"Yeah," said Red, sipping his lemonade.

"Well she totally flipped out and tried to kill me! I'm beating her up right now. Please don't be upset with me, my tallests. SHE IS CRAZY!"

A Pak leg wrapped around Zim's neck with a scooping motion, and began to drag him to the ground, choking him as it did so. The tallests watched with suppressed smiles as Fuz pinned him down and began to pound her fists into his face off screen.

"This is a great show," said Red to Purple. "It's my new favorite show. I'm gonna watch it all the time."

"I think I had a dream like this once," said Purple. "Except it was Zim's crazy robot that called us instead of a smeet, and he was fighting with that one big-headed creature."

Red snorted. "I don't think that was a dream, Purple. It's happened before. Twice."

"And then he killed the big-headed creature and turned into a hideous monster and walked through the screen and ate us too."

Red blinked. "Oh. Well... _that _hasn't happened."

On the screen, two of Zim's Pak legs hooked to the wires on the ceiling and began to pull him up, out from under Fuz. He swung away and whirled around in mid air, parrying a vicious thrust, and then landed on four Pak legs, slashing away with the other four. The tallests watched with interest, sipping their beverages.

"You know, this has been lots of fun," said Tallest Red. "But Purple and I have justice to serve, so call us back when Zim is dead, okay?"

"Okay," they heard Quin say off screen, and the monitor went black again.

* * *

"Well that was useless," Quin grumbled to herself as she dived behind the couch just in time to avoid decapitation from one of Fuz's Pak legs. The fighting seemed to get slower as more injuries were sustained, but the attacks and defends were getting more desperate. Fuz and Zim really wanted to kill each other.

Rearing up on six Pak legs, Fuz thrust two forward into Zim's shoulders, making the little outlaw scream. She lifted him up, pinning him to the wall, and in blind panic, Zim thrashed around aimlessly, shouting Irken curses.

"Quin!" Fuz shouted over the sound of Zim's clanking Pak legs. "Prove your worth; destroy the outlaw!"

Quin's eyes widened, and she stepped out from behind the couch, slowly walking toward the two other Irkens. Both supported by their Pak legs, they towered over her intimidatingly.

Kill? Fuz wanted her to kill someone? She couldn't kill! She couldn't hurt a fly! But... being a good Irken meant meant a lot to her. She needed to follow orders.

"Are you sure?" She asked Fuz hesitantly. She immediately regretted it when Fuz's eyes widened.

"AM I SURE?" She roared. Two of her Pak legs rose up from beneath her as if preparing to strike. "DO I LOOK UNSURE TO YOU! KILL THE TRAITOR BEFORE HE GETS AWAY!"

"Traitor?" Zim repeated, aghast. "I am no traitor! I am Zim!" but the two Pak legs in his shoulders dug further, and he cried out.

"I...!" Quin was panicking, looking up at the two giants hanging over her. "What do I do? What do you want me to do?"

"KILL HIM!" shrieked Fuz.

Lower lip trembling, Quin extended two Pak legs and ran up to Zim, holding them high above her head so she could bring them down on him. The outlaw screamed and began struggling harder, his Pak legs scraping at the floor and ceiling, trying to get away, but it pulled on his bleeding shoulders, and he was forced to stop.

Quin's Pak legs were inches from his head when they stopped short.

"I can't," she said helplessly. "Fuz, I can't. Please don't make me."

But Fuz had lost all patience. "YOU WEAK FOOL!" she roared. Her two inactive Pak legs she sent slamming into Quin's belly, and threw her against the wall with a painful smack.

With her focus on Quin, Fuz didn't notice the calculating look in Zim's eye. With only four Pak legs supporting her, she wasn't as sturdy as she had been with six. He snaked a pair of Pak legs beneath her and, grinning mischievously, forced hers into a split. Fuz's eyes widened as she was falling, suddenly scrambling for footing.

Zim pushed her away, and rose from where he had been pinned, panting laboriously. "Temper, temper," he teased. "You might blow a gasket."

Fuz growled. "I don't need advice from a failure like you." She latched onto the ceiling with her Pak legs, moving upside down like a spider. Zim made a quick swipe at her face with his claws, but that was as much damage as he could do before she fell on top of him, thrashing viciously. He barely had time to parry and jump away.

"You can't keep fighting forever. Sooner of later the tallests will have their wish, and no one will regret it."

"I know," said Zim. "Irk_ will _conquer the universe. I mean, who can stop us?"

Fuz groaned, and launched herself at him again, claws extended. Zim brought his up to, and they both clashed, reaching for each others throats.

"Computer!" shouted Zim. "Activate the defenses!"

"_Zim,_" came the computer's response. "_You disabled the defenses yesterday because the beeping sound was bothering you, remember?_"

"Oh!" Zim scowled. "Curse my low tolerance for annoying beeping sounds!" He ducked, avoiding having his head being taken off by one of Fuz's Pak legs, and lunged at her, biting her shoulder. She growled and crushed Zim's antenna between her teeth, and he made a hasty retreat, whimpering as he brought his hand up to his feeler.

"Even the gnomes aren't working?" Zim asked, voice high-pitched with pain.

"_Nope. Sorry." _

Distracted, he couldn't parry a slash attack from Fuz's claws, and he screamed as long silver talons raked across the side of his head. His sight was blurring...

Fighting was Zim's forte. He enjoyed it. He did it often. But fighting Fuz was not fun. He needed to finish it up quick. It was time to throw her off with a clever trick, and if it didn't work, he didn't know what he would do.

"Oh what's this?" He said, grinning at Quin over Fuz's shoulder. The young Irken was sitting there, watching them with wide, terrified eyes. "It seems your little smeet has abandoned you to your fate, Invader Fuz!"

It worked. Fuz's eyes widened, and she began to look around the room. "Quin?" She called apprehensively. Zim took advantage of her distraction by digging his Pak legs deeply into her torso and slashing his claws at her face. She screamed as he brought her down to the ground, pinning her there.

"Fuz!" Quin's squeaky voice shouted, getting to her feet. "I'm right here!"

"Help me!" Fuz shrieked. "Get him off!"

Quin wouldn't fail this time. She extended her Pak legs fully and tackled Zim with all her weight, forcing him to the floor and pinning him. Fuz scrambled to her feet.

"G-good," she panted. Quin beamed. "Let's retreat for now. We can finish this piece of garbage off later."

"I am not garbage!" Zim shouted indignantly, struggling beneath the smaller Irken. He may have been bigger than her, but he was tired and injured, whereas Quin was still fresh. It was frustrating. "I am ZIM!"

"Let's go!"

Zim relaxed when he felt Quin's weight lift from him and grinned as he watched them both retreat. Pride bloomed within his chest when he noticed a distinct limp in Fuz. She was depending heavily on her Pak legs as she hurried out of his house. The door was left open behind them, and he just lay there, suddenly aware of how quiet it was.

"Computer," he said exhaustively. "I need... I..."

"_I know, I know,_" said the computer. "_I'll clean up and take you to the med bay. A please or thank you would be nice, though._"

Zim sighed, but offered none of the requested pleasantries as the floor lowered out beneath him.

* * *

"So are you going to be okay?" Quin asked tentatively. Fuz's injuries were disconcerting, but she wasn't sure how she would react if she helped her. The clash they had had during the fight was still burned into her mind.

"I'll be fine," said Fuz, antennae lifting slightly. Quin held the door open for her, and she limped inside their base, hissing as it pulled on her sore muscles. Quin followed after her, shutting the door and making sure it was locked.

"SIR," said Fuz loudly. "Report."

Saluting, the SIR jumped down from the wires in the ceiling, and flipped forward, landing on its feet before its master.. "Sir, all has been tranquil, and there is nothing to report."

"Good," grunted the tall invader. "As you were."

"Sir!"

Quin followed Fuz further into the house, noting with discomfort how much of the original structure had had to be replaced with metal. It barely seemed like a house at all.

"Quin..." Fuz suddenly sighed, but didn't stop walking or turn to her. "I'm sorry I lost my temper with you back there."

"It's fine," Quin shrugged. "You were caught up in the heat of the fight, and I was being useless. I'm sorry I didn't end it right there." She paused as Fuz led her into a walk-in cabinet in the kitchen, which was actually an elevator. She could feel the movement of the floor beneath her feet and the rise in pressure as the dropped below sea level. "I should have done it. I should have killed Zim, and we could be going home right now."

"Don't berate yourself," hissed Fuz. "It's in the past now. We need to focus on the present." Her eyes were so sharply focused and calculating, they seemed like needles. Quin's brow furrowed as she looked up at her.

The elevator stopped, and the Irkens stumbled out, making their way slowly through the maze of hidden rooms beneath the house. It was more comforting down here than it was up there. The hum of technology pulsed rhythmically, and the familiar purple and magenta hues of Irken architecture made it feel like home.

Fuz's eyes widened, and her face brightened excitedly as an idea came to her. Whirling around, she put her claws on Quin's shoulders, who gasped in surprise at the sudden movement and looked up with wide, pink eyes. "Quin," said Fuz firmly. "I have a plan. Perhaps it is a good thing I brought you along. You will be a very major part of it, and you can not fail me."

Quin's antennae dropped. "W-what do you want me to do?"

Fuz grinned, revealing needle like teeth. "Smeet, you are the picture of innocence. We must use that to our advantage."

"How?"

Fuz took her hands away and lifted herself onto her Pak legs to take weight off her real legs. It made her tower even higher above Quin. "You heard Zim. He thinks I've gone rogue. He doesn't believe I am the invader the tallests claim to have sent." she grinned, crawling around Quin like a spider. "Perhaps he would even believe if I were defective."

"I don't think you're a defective," said Quin lightly. "I think you're nice."

Fuz smile softened. "I know. But that's not what I meant. I propose we form a conspiracy. I want you to win Zim's trust by posing as this new invader, and I'll stay out of the picture." She put her hands on Quin's shoulders again, this time from behind. "Zim will not trust me. I blew the tallests' original plan by attacking too soon. But _you_ didn't fight."

Quin eyes were widening. Whatever Fuz was leading up to sounded like an ominous task.

"We'll say I sabotaged your ship on your way to Earth, and made you my prisoner. When we retreated, you escaped from me, and tomorrow, you will go report to Zim as young _Invader_ Quin."

Quin gaped at her, bumbling incoherently. "Wha...? But... me...! _Invader_? You want _me_ to pose as an_ invader_?"

"Yes," said Fuz softly. "You can do it. Consider it a test of your skills." She took her hands of Quin's shoulders and began backing away. "You will be my double agent, and earn Zim's trust. This is your mission- your first official mission in the service of your nation. Do you accept it?"

Quin was breathless. "Y-yes!" She managed. "Oh gracious, yes!"

Fuz smiled gently. "Very good. For now, though, I must recuperate. And you must get prepared. Tomorrow you will report to Zim, and get him to accept you. It won't be easy."

Quin didn't know how to respond other than to salute. It seemed to amuse Fuz, who set herself down on her real legs, and began to limp away. "Good luck, smeet. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye," said Quin. She stood there a while, looking back at the last few minutes in her head. She was now an official part of the mission. Why was she dreading the next day?

* * *

"My tallests!" Zim shouted at the monitor as he rubbed the back of his hand. The scratch mark there wasn't serious, but it was the only one that the computer said would scar. Zim had been scratched many times before, but he had never been scarred. It was somewhat unnerving. "My tallests!"

"_Uh..._" the computer voiced from above. "_Do you want me to contact them?_"

"What?" Zim looked up at one of the cameras on the ceiling, wishing his computer had an actual face. "Yeah, sure. Contact them."

Moments later the screensaver (a picture of Zim forcing Gir to eat his brussel sprouts) changed to a transmission, showing the tallests raising their eyebrows at him.

"Hey," said Purple blankly. "You're alive."

"Yep," beamed Zim. "Isn't it great?"

"Sure," said Red, rolling his eyes.

"Well my tallests, the crazy rogue lady has been defeated by Zim. She turned tail running!" The tiny invader paused to let out an evil cackle and continued. "I don't know where she is now, my tallests, but surely after witnessing the amazing fiery wrath of Zim, she will be too afraid to show her face around here. The conquest of Planet Earth can continue smoothly."

Tallest Red sighed and slumped in his chair. "We really shouldn't be surprised," he said to Purple as if Zim weren't there. "It's not like everything else we did to get him off our backs worked."

"I told you we should have sent a Tonovian." the younger tallest grumbled and leaned his head heavily on his hand.

"For the last time, Purple, Tonovians are vicious animals! We can't control them!"

Zim cleared his throat, getting the tallests attention, and continued. "Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that everything is okay. I'd better go now. I have a world to destroy, you know!"

Red nodded, waving his hand dismissively. "Great, Zim. Go do that."

Zim saluted, and the computer took the hint to cut the transmission.

"Gir!" Zim called after the screensaver had popped up again. "Gir! Where are you!"

For a while, there was no response, but then Gir's head popped out of one of the tunnels in the wall, and he grinned at his master, little pink tongue hanging out of his mouth. "Yeeeeees?"

"Gir, I want you on the house level in your disguise," barked Zim. "Guard the house, and don't let anyone inside no matter what. Bite them if you have to."

"Yes, my lord!" Gir saluted, and his head popped back into the tunnel again. Zim sighed and brought his hands up to his throbbing temples.

"Computer," he groaned. "What time is it?"

"Nine thirty in the morning, master." said the computer.

"Really? That early?" He wandered across the room, claws scraping the tables as he dragged them. "At least I have a good reason to stay home from school today. Dib will give me heck for it, though."

The computer didn't respond, but it was probably better that it didn't; Zim wasn't in the mood for talking. He put his scabby hand onto a scanner and waited for the doors to open., tapping his foot with impatience. It may have been the fight earlier; maybe there was still some adrenaline in him, but he felt uneasy. Like something bad could happen at any moment.

"Computer!" he shouted one more time.

"_What?_"

"Turn off all the lights in the other rooms except for my chamber and the hallways, and devote the power to the security system. I don't want anything getting through."

"_Yes, Master_."

**_A.N. Oh for goodness sake, please review!_**


	7. Enter the Spider's Web

_**A.N. Has anyone else noticed that these schapters are getting progressively longer? Maybe it's because I'm so excited to get this thing on the move! This is probably the chapter where things get going the most, so I'm hoping for some extra feedback on this one, let me know what you think. Thanks to my most regular reviewers Donnistar and Missbliss8527. I love you guys; you're both awesome!**_

Maybe this was a mistake. A bad idea. A _really_ bad idea. She was so stupid! What had she been thinking? Accepting the mission? She couldn't handle this! She was little more than a smeet!

Quin was having a panic attack, walking through Zim's backyard all by herself in her human disguise. Fuz was counting on her to win Zim's trust, but the fight they had had with the tiny outlaw the previous day was still raging around in her mind. He was a vicious monster, and she had never fought in her life. Zim could tear her apart any moment without warning, and she wouldn't stand a chance. What was she doing going onto his territory all by herself?

The gnomes in the front laws turned to watch her with glowing red eyes as she walked around the side of the house and made her way to the porch. She watched them back warily, trembling. She wanted someone with her to hide behind. But there was no one there.

Slowly she brought her claw up to the doorbell, hesitating as she gently set her finger on it. There was no going back; she had promised to do this. This was how she would serve her nation, even if she died doing it. Steeling herself, she pressed the button, and held her breath as the ringing sound resonated within the house. She held as still as a statue, every muscle tensed watching as the door knob turned.

Quin braced herself for Zim's bloody crimson eyes, grimacing as the door swung open.

There was no one there.

She looked down.

There in the doorway stood the same SIR unit from yesterday, except instead of the lion costume it had been wearing the last time she had seen it, it was zipped up in a little green doggie suit. Quin released her breath, but didn't allow herself to relax. She was still on Zim's turf, and he could be anywhere.

"Hey there, little guy," she cooed him, bending to her knees. She wasn't really that much taller than the robot, but she wasn't used to looking down at people. "Is Zim home?"

"Yeah," said Gir. "He's downstairs. Do you like turkeys?

Quin blinked at him. She didn't know what a turkey _was, _but she decided to humor him nonetheless. "Sure," she said, smiling gently. "I'm sure they're just wonderful."

"Well you can have mine!" In one quick movement, Gir put down his doggie hood and opened his head, yanking out a large colorful bird and shoving it at her. "He loves you!"

"Oh!" Quin caught the bird and held it firmly in her arms, more out of instinct than anything else. It just looked at her, gobbling loudly. She forced a smile. "Well, I'm sure he does. That's very nice of you, Gir. Thank you."

"Yer s'posed to eat 'im!" said Gir, yanking the turkey away from her again. "Just like this!" And he shoved the poor creature into his mouth, ignoring its panicked struggling and squawking. Quin's eyes widened, and she looked away until she heard Gir say, "See? Just like that."

"Oh. Well that's... wonderful, Gir. Thank you for showing me that. Now, um, could you get Zim to come here?"

"Okay!" The little green puppy leaped up and hurried away, feet squeaking softly with every step. Quin sighed, and forced herself to breath normally. Thoughts and ideas were buzzing around her head like panicked bees. What would she say when Zim saw her? What if he got mad? What if he recognized her too soon? The plan could come crumbling apart so easily, and it was all depending on what she said and how Zim reacted to it.

Suddenly Zim was scrambling toward her from inside, claws scraping across the floor at a frantic pace. Quin cried out with wild alarm, and jumped backwards, gasping with terror. He flung the door open wider, standing in the door way where Gir had been only moments before. He was taller than her, but not by much. Quin was suddenly struck by how short he actually was. He had looked much bigger on his Pak legs.

"I'm normal!" He shouted immediately, getting right into her face. "What do you want?"

Quin reared back, looking at him with wide, wary eyes. Zim looked different then he had before. He must be in disguise. Well it certainly didn't _look _like a disguise, but she didn't have the nerve to say it aloud.

"Well? What do you want, cowardly human?"

Quin panicked as Zim seemed to lose patience, and hurried to straighten herself. She couldn't fumble now. Fuz's entire plan was hinging on this moment, and it was all on her tiny shoulders. She only hoped she didn't mess up.

"Z-zim, my name is-"

"HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME!" Screamed the outlaw.

Quin hissed beneath her breath, face pinching with anxiety. She hadn't even uttered a sentence, and Zim was already shouting.

"Sir, I have something very important to tell you," she tried again. "May I please come inside?"

Zim blinked at her, as if trying to comprehend what she was saying. Quin bit her lip. Had she been too forward? He would surely be suspicious of her now. Oh, _why_ did she have to be so _stupid_? Why couldn't she be cunning like Fuz?

"... Do you know Dib?" Zim asked, narrowing his eyes. Quin blinked meekly at him. She did not know any_ Dib, _but she didn't know what Zim would think of her if she said so. If she said yes, would he trust her? Or no? In this case, she figured her only logical choice was to tell the truth.

"No, sir," she said quietly. Zim narrowed his eyes even further, studying her, but then he stepped inside, making room for her. "Fine, but make it quick. And don't try anything funny."

Yes! She had done it! She only hoped she didn't mess up. Quin stepped carefully into the house. Repairs to the room had been made thanks to the computer, so there was no sign that Fuz and Zim's fight had taken place. It was still unnerving to be here, though.

"Well?" demanded Zim. "Out with it!"

After making sure the door was locked, Quin turned to face him. Smiling apologetically, she reached for her wrist and twisted a knob, deactivating her disguise.

"You!" Zim's eyes went wide when her saw her true appearance. "You're that smeet with the Fuz-monster! What are you doing here?"

Zim's antennae shot up into the air, and Quin let hers drop in submission, walking slowly toward him. She didn't know how he would react to what, so she had to be very careful what she did and said. "Sir, my name is Invader Quin. The tallests sent me here to assist you in your mission."

Zim's eyes widened, and Quin took a quick step back. "You are the invader that tallests sent?" He demanded almost angrily. "I don't need help conquering this planet! Let alone from a smeet! How did you become an invader anyway? You're way too young."

Quin's antennae pressed against her skull with annoyance, but she was careful not to raise them. "I'm not a smeet," she said as humbly as she could manage. "I grew out of it very recently. And, um, I guess I'm sort of a prodigy?"

Zim narrowed his eyes dangerously at her, and Quin whimpered, shrinking in on herself. It didn't matter what the rumors said about Zim being stupid and tiny; he was intimidating, and she wished she was anywhere but in his house. "Really?" Zim asked suspiciously. "Well how come you were with that rogue, eh? How come you were helping her when she tried to kill me?"

"She sabotaged my ship while I was coming, sir." She explained, thankful that Fuz had given her a story to use. "I was taken prisoner and forced to help her. I'm sorry."

Zim glared at her, eyes calculating, and Quin gulped. He was judging her now, looking over what she said. She only hoped he didn't find a flaw. Briefly Quin wondered what Fuz would do if she didn't come back. She would probably assume that Zim had killed her. It would be the most logical explanation.

"I don't need help," said Zim finally. "And I don't want it. You can go back to Irk and tell them that your trip here was just a waste of time. I can conquer this ball of dirt on my own! I AM ZIM!"

Quin sighed with relief. Thank goodness Zim hadn't seen through her lies. But she still needed to get on his good side. It was all part of Fuz's grand scheme.

"I understand, sir," she said, gaining confidence. "I know you can. I've always admired your knack for destruction."

Zim's antennae perked, and his eyes suddenly looked rounder, less aggressive. "You have?"

Quin smiled at him kindly. If lies had brought her this far, flattery would get her anywhere. "Oh, yes. Like your performance back in Operation Impending Doom I. You must be a very talented invader."

The rumors of Zim's ego proved true when his little chest puffed up, and he stood up a tall as he could, raising his antennae with pride. Quin ducked her head and lowered her antennae in response, demonstrating submission. Apparently this mission wasn't as hopeless as she had thought. Maybe she really could win Zim's trust. She seemed to be doing a pretty good job so far.

"Oh, yes, that. You liked that?" asked Zim lightly. "No one else seems to. Just because I got carried away and started my destroying before we left the home planet, everyone looks at me weird now. Sad, isn't it?"

"Tragic, sir," Man, this spying stuff was easier than she thought. "It's a pity others are so closed-minded. I would be honored to work under such a powerful invader."

Zim seemed to like that. His entire face lit up. "Hmm... well, I suppose another side kick wouldn't be a bad thing," he said, grinning. "Gir is a little horrible. And the computer doesn't have legs. I suppose I'll let you help me... but you'll have to do everything I say! AND NO WEIRDNESS!"

That much she figured she could manage. "Yes, sir!" she saluted. "Thank you, sir!"

Zim waved a claw at her in a shooing motion, and let his antennae drop into a more natural position. "Yes, yes, it's wonderful that the mighty Zim is allowing you to bask in his presence. NOW GO AWAY! I have to go to skool." He began walking away from her toward the kitchen, and sat himself at a table, collecting papers.

"Skool, sir?" Quin repeated, staying where she was, Zim looked back at her with a raised eyebrow and nodded.

"Yes," he said. "That is where you go when you want to get smart. Or torture yourself. Speaking of that, you should register too. If we're going to learn as much about Earth as we can, we have to use the learning facility to our advantage."

Zim went through the papers, sorting them neatly, and then tucked them into a folder, which he shoved into his Pak. "Put your disguise on. We're leaving now."

"Yes, sir." Replied Quin, turning the knob on her wrist. The hologram was activated again, and she sighed, tucking her long brown hair behind her ear. Of course it would fall back into her face a few seconds later, but it was worth a shot.

Zim stood and started walking to the door. "Gir! You're in charge while I'm gone! No parties! And I want dinner to be ready by the time we get home!"

"Okay!" Gir's squeaky little voice sounded from somewhere below. Quin opened the door, and let Zim walk through first, before closing it briskly behind them.

"I'm posing as a twelve-year-old human in the sixth grade." he told her quietly as the walked down the side walk. "But you're not big enough. You'll have to be younger. You can pose as a ten-year-old, alright?"

Quin wasn't sure what he was talking about, as she knew very little about Earthern culture, but she nodded anyway. She could figure it out. "Yes sir." She said.

"Excellent."

They didn't have to walk long before a barbed wire fence came into view, and the skool building towered over them. Zim hurried up the steps and led her inside, while Quin followed, doing her utmost best to look like she knew what she was doing. Humans swarmed the place, but most ignored them as they past through.

"There's the principal's office," said Zim, gesturing vaguely toward a door. "Just go in there, and tell them you're new. And what grade you're in."

Zim was about to walk away, when Quin put a hand on his shoulder, stopping him. "And... what grade am I in?"

"I dunno," shrugged Zim. "Probably third or fourth grade if you're ten years old. Tell them that. Now leave me alone! I didn't come to skool yesterday, and if I'm late today, the Dib will make life miserable for me again! I've got to go!"

"Wait!" Despite Zim's orders, Quin still didn't remove her hand from his shoulder until he turned around to glare at her. "I still don't understand. What's this Dib you keep talking about?"

"Oh," Zim smirked, showing needle-like teeth. "That. It's the manifestation of all evil, that's what it is." He grinned, raising his claws up in the air as if he were telling a scary story. "It sneaks into your fortress and gets evidence that you're an invader, and then it sneaks back out, and makes a scary science guy come to cut you open!"

"No!" Said Quin, eyes wide. She hadn't realized invading was so dangerous.

"Yep! Look out for the Dib-monster! If he finds out you're an alien, he'll take your picture and show it to everybody so they know you're an alien too! And then the whole planet will be after you!"

Quin gaped at him, and Zim shrugged, turning to walk away. "See you later then." He said cheerfully. "And if anyone looks at you weird, just tell them I'm your cousin or something. They'll understand."

"...Understand what?"

Zim didn't answer. He had disappeared into a crowd of noisy humans. Quin sighed and straightened her shirt, turning to the principal's office. The door loomed over her like the grim reaper. Why were there bars in the window?

* * *

Quin walked stiffly and wide-eyed down the hall. That had been, like, the third scariest thing that had ever happened to her. She was never going to the principal's office again if she could help it.

Mr. Elliot's third grade class, room 276. That's where they had told her to go. She scanned the little numbers next to the doors as she walked. Apparently all the even numbers were on one side, and all the odds were on the other, so she knew what side to stick by. She soon found the right room, and peaked nervously through the window in the door.

From her vantage, point, she could see a male human adult, sitting behind a desk and speaking into some kind of communicator. Her eyes widened. What was he talking about? Did he know she was coming? Maybe the Dib-monster had already taken he picture and shown it to everyone! They knew what she was! Maybe he was planning her dissection right now!

No. Quin forced herself to smile. She was in a good disguise; if Zim could pass for a human with a wig and contacts, she had nothing to fear. She still peeked over her shoulder, though, looking for a big hairy monster with giant teeth holding a camera. Would the Dib-monster eat Irken flesh? She'd forgotten to ask.

Turning her eyes back to the window, she could see the man behind the desk put his communicator down and smile at her. It was a sunny, happy type of smile that was hard to find on Devastis, and Quin instantly returned it, nervousness flushed out of her. Maybe going to skool wouldn't be so bad. The teacher seemed nice.

She turned the door knob and stepped slowly, apprehensively forward. The room was a lot bigger than it had looked through the window. She could see lots of human smeets crammed into tiny plastic chairs behind their tiny wooden desks. They watched her cross toward the teacher's desk with disinterested eyes.

"Well hello there!" Mr. Elliot beamed at her. Quin let herself smile.

"Hi," she said.

Mr. Elliot smiled at her again and then turned to the rows of smeets, gesturing to her with his hand to come closer to the center of the room. She moved so slowly, she was practically inching her way towards him. "Class, this is our new friend Quin," Mr. Elliot introduced her. Apparently it was the principal he had just been talking to. "Aren't you happy to have another classmate? I bet so! I bet you're all just full of joy!" He turned to her. "Is there anything you want to say before you take your seat, Quin?"

Quin looked from him, to the class, and then back at him. She shook her head no.

But apparently Mr, Elliot wouldn't take no for an option. "Oh C'mon, Quin!" He said. "Aren't you excited to start learning with all these new friends? Why don't you tell them something about yourself!"

"Well," Quin looked down at her hands, blushing. She hated to be put on the spot. "I like super hero comics."

"Oh?" Mr. Elliot perked with interest. "I do too! Do you like Spiderman?"

Quin couldn't bring herself to look him in the eye; she just looked at the floor as she mumbled a reply.

"What was that?"

"Yeah," she said, louder. "But mostly Batman and Superman."

Mr. Elliot smiled at her approvingly. "Those are good too. Why don't you take that seat behind Gaz? I'm sure she feels isolated sitting alone like that." He stretched his neck, looking over some of the smeets' heads toward the back of the room, where Quin assumed Gaz sat. "Gaz, would you raise your hand please?"

No one responded, but several heads turned to look at a girl toward the back of the room, who was focused on something under the desk. Mr. Elliot raised an eyebrow and repeated himself, "Gaz, would you raise your hand, please?"

Gaz still didn't raise her hand, but Quin could guess who she was. She walked briskly between the desks, and sat down in her new spot. Gaz didn't turn to acknowledge her.

"Now class," said Mr. Elliot, smiling. "Our lesson today will be about how bees make honey! I love bees. They're all fuzzy and yellow, and they make such a totally adorable buzzing sound!"

Quin sighed and twiddled her thumbs under her desk. The other human smeets didn't seem too much like a threat, and it became apparent that she would be there for quite a while. She found herself glancing around the room at all the motivational posters around the room. Most of them she didn't understand, but she was smart enough to get the gist.

"Don't forget to smile!"

"Got milk?"

"The best things in life aren't things!"

"Cover your mouth when you sneeze!"

"Just think of your favorite things!"

Earth was weird.

Mr. Elliot had drawn an overly cartoonish picture of a honey bee on the board, and was talking endlessly about how irresistibly cute it was. Quin could agree; it was pretty cute, but it wasn't worth making her sit there all day to listen to him say so.

She turned her attention to the other smeets. Some were whispering among themselves, while others were doodling at their desks. None of them were smiling. Quin assumed it was a normal thing to be bored here. She slumped, letting her head fall on her arms. She'd be here a while.

_Beep._

Every muscle in Quin's body immediately tensed. She'd heard a beep. Was it a bomb? If there was anything she had learned on Devastis, it was never to let your guard down. Quick as a startled rabbit, she whirled her head around in search of whatever made the sound.

_Beep._

Her antennae swiveled, and she leaned forward. The sound was coming from under the Gaz-human's desk.

"Hey," she whispered, tapping the human on the shoulder. "What are you doing?"

She felt the girl tense. "Leave me alone," Gaz snapped. Quin immediately pulled back, frowning. Gaz wasn't very friendly, but having an ally on Earth couldn't hurt. Maybe she could learn a little about Earth culture from her.

"Oh come on," Quin whined. "I just wanna know what you're doing."

Gaz growled wordlessly and bent over whatever she had under her desk. "It's none of your business! Leave me alone!"

"Girls?" Mr. Elliot had paused and was looking over at them with a raised eyebrow. "Is there something you want to say?"

Quin couldn't see it, but she could hear the sound as Gaz gritted her teeth and growled. Apparently she had been doing something private and didn't want it to be known. Quin bit her lip, and tapped her claws against the table anxiously. She didn't mean to make Gaz feel uncomfortable. Maybe she should help detract attention.

"Oh, nothing, Mr. Elliot," Quin tried in hopes of pacifying him. "I was just... asking if I could barrow Gaz's wonderful notes later today!"

Gaz turned around and raised an eyebrow at her.

"Yep!" Quin went on, pumping her arm in an obviously faked attempt at looking enthusiastic. "They sure are wonderful notes! And I am really fascinated about bees! They're so cute!"

Mr Elliot gasped. Suddenly it was so quiet in the room, Quin could hear the piece of chalk break as he dropped it, and the two different pieces rolled across the floor. All eyes were on her, wide and mystified.

"You mean..." Mr. Elliot barely seemed able to speak. "You're actually... paying _attention _to the lesson?"

Quin blinked at him. Didn't he _expect_ her to be paying attention? He was a teacher, right? "Yeah," she said blankly.

Suddenly Mr. Elliot was in tears, tearing tissues out of a box on his desk and blowing his nose pathetically. "My students!" he cried. "Paying attention to the lesson! I'm so proud! I could... I could shed tears of joy!"

His students watched, blinking cluelessly, as Mr. Elliot flopped onto his desk, sobbing. "Oh, I'm the luckiest teacher in the world! If only all students could be as wonderful as mine!" He brought a tissue up to his nose and honked into it loudly. "You all get A's! All of you! You wonderful children!"

The students cheered, flinging their hands up in the air. Quin ignored them; her attention was on Gaz.

"Why'd you do that?" The dark human asked. She was still shielding her device under her desk. Quin shrugged at her, and did her best to keep her expression light and friendly.

"Cause I wanna be your friend," she said simply. "And I'm curious about what you're doing."

Gaz rolled her eyes and held her device up just high enough for Quin to see it. It wasn't a bomb. It was a video game. A video game with lots of blood and violence, but it was harmless nonetheless. "Just gaming," she said offhandedly.

"Oh," Quin said, grinning and sinking into her seat. "I just heard the beepy noise, and I thought you had a bomb."

Gaz smirked at that. "I wish," Then she clicked a button on her game, and creased her eyebrows, frowning. "That's weird. The volume is almost all the way down. _I_ can barely hear it, and I'm holding it right up to my face. How come you can hear it?"

Oh crud. Quin panicked. She couldn't give away that she was Irken! Not now! "I dunno," she said, trying to sound calm, but almost cringed when her voice was more high-pitched than usual. "Maybe I just have good hearing."

Gaz shrugged and turned back to her, resuming her game. "Whatever," she grumbled, ending the conversation. But Quin wasn't done talking yet.

"Sooo... can I sit with you at lunch?" She asked nervously. Gaz turned around to raise and eyebrow at her.

"What?"

"I want to sit with you at lunch."

_Stare down._

"...What did you say your name was again?" asked Gaz. Quin blinked at her.

"Quin," she said, barely keeping herself from adding 'ma'am.' She was used to respecting authority, and this human was clearly asserting hers. "My friends at home called me Quin the Quivering, but I'd rather you didn't."

Gaz grunted and turned from her, playing her game. "Whatever. It's a free country. Sit wherever you want."

"Thanks."

Mr. Elliot, who had recovered from his fit and continued his lesson, finally stopped talking when the bell rang. "Oh look at that!" He exclaimed. "Time sure does fly when you're talking about adorable insects! It's time for lunch everyone! When you get back we'll talk more about bees!"

Well apparently that was it. Everyone was standing up, and Gaz didn't acknowledge her as she stood up and walked away. Quin frowned and followed, though trying to walk to lunch with Gaz was no longer an option; she had disappeared into the crowd .

Quin quickly found that she didn't like walking through the school hallway. It was so narrow and so full of stinky human smeets, none of whom had any manners. It was nothing at all like Devastis, where they used hundreds of tiny one-person tunnels. At least there she didn't get shoved around.

Finally the herd of students burst into what she assumed was the cafeteria. Quin sighed with relief, and shuffled to the back of the line that the students were forming. She just hoped it went by fast.

After grabbing lunch (a long and aggravating process,) Quin carried it out to the tables and glanced around. She could see Gaz sitting pretty closed by, playing her video game and occasionally shoving something into her mouth. Quin sighed and plopped down next to her, letting her tray hit the table with a clack.

"Hey," she said halfheartedly.

"Hey," replied Gaz.

An awkward silence loomed over their heads. Or at least Quin's head. Gaz was too focused on her video game to care. She mashed the buttons with vengeance, eyes narrowed in concentration. Quin tried to strike a conversation. "So..."

"Darn it!" Gaz suddenly shouted, and slammed her game onto the table. "Stupid pig! He beat me again! I really hate that guy..."

"Pig?" Quin raised and eyebrow and peaked over Gaz's shoulder at the blinking screen. "You're fighting a pig?"

"Well actually I think his name is Hogularr or something, but essentially, yeah. And I looked up a review online, and it said he was easy to beat, but he's not. I keep trying to-"

"Hey, Gaz!" Someone suddenly walked to the table and dropped their tray across from the girls, plopping into the seat as if he didn't realize Quin was there. Quin's eyes widened when she saw his face. Scabbed-over claw marks were jutting vertically from his eye to his chin. She'd been trained to recognize things like that. The cuts were three and a half inches long, one millimeter thick, going up, probably only scratched away the surface of his skin. Undoubtedly Irken claws, but they were too small to be Fuz's. They had to have been Zim's. "You should have seen Zim in class! He was so nervous! I bet he's planning something, and he knows it's doomed to fail."

'_Or maybe he's just worried about me giving us away,_' Quin thought to herself. Was this kid in Zim's class? That would make sense. "Who's Zim?" She asked calmly. She needed to find out how much he knew, but she couldn't reveal her own intentions.

The boy looked at her, eyebrows rising. "Oh, sorry," he said. "Um, Gaz? Who's this?"

Gaz paused her game just long enough to look at him, and then continued mashing buttons and making virtual pigs squeal. "Dib, Quin. Quin, Dib." She said uncaringly. "Now both of you be quiet. I'm trying to play a game."

Dib chuckled nervously. "That's Gaz for ya," he said, nodding vaguely toward the dark girl.

Quin forced her face into a smile, but her eyes were wide. Dib? Was this the Dib-monster Zim had been talking about? She hoped he didn't eat flesh. Suddenly the conversation had become a lot more awkward. "Yeah," she agreed strenuously. "So, um, who's this kid you were talking about?"

"Oh!" Dib's face brightened up considerably, and he pointed to the back of the room. "See that kid over there?"

Quin looked.

She didn't like what she saw.

Oh Zim...

"I'M NORMAL!" Zim cried from atop his lonely table, where he was flinging food everywhere. "Lookit this!" He stood up on the bench, holding a piece of Earth-food over his head. "Broccoli! I'M EATING IT! LOOKIT ME GO!" Then, as if just to entertain everyone else, he turned his head to the side, and pretended to shove the broccoli into his mouth, but it only fell to the floor like everything else. "I AM ZIM!"

"Oh," Quin said blankly. "I... didn't notice that guy."

Dib turned to face her and raised both eyebrows. "You're new, then?"

"What?"

"Trust me, if you had been here, you would have noticed that guy by now." Dib fiddled with his fork, spearing his salad and munching it. "He's an alien."

Quin nearly choked, hugging herself in surprise. She could infer that things wouldn't be going too well for Zim, but she had expecting his true identity to be common knowledge enough to just _say _it.

"Oh," she replied, her voice high-pitched with anxiety. "What makes you think that?"

Dib looked at her with such a disbelieving expression, Quin had to look away. "What makes me think he's an alien? Look at him! _Look_ at him! Can't you see he has no nose? No ears? And he's green! How can you think he's not an alien?"

Quin shrugged nervously, trembling. "M-maybe it's just a birth def-defect?" But that explanation seemed unsatisfactory for Dib, who ate another bite of lettuce. He drummed his fingers agitatedly on the table.

"Nuh huh, I know for sure it's not. Sometimes I try to sneak into his base and take pictures, but so far I haven't been able to show anyone else." Suddenly he leaned in, eyes wide. "You've gotta believe me! I know how it sounds, but it's true! I've seen him without his disguise! He's got glowing red eyes and barbed antennae- and he wants to take over the world!"

Quin leaned away from him, eyes wide. Her heart was a humming bird in her chest, beating frantically against its cage. Oh this was not good. This was bad. This was really bad. Why hadn't Zim given her a better warning? This boy knew everything that Zim was trying to keep secret. And now she had been dragged into it.

What would Fuz do? Fuz was cool and calculating. She would have a plan. But Quin was not cool and calculating, and she was clueless. The most she figured she should do was to humor Dib, and see what to do afterwords. Who knows, maybe if she made friends with Dib, she could get some more information.

"Does anyone else know?" She asked, leaning in too. Dib's eyes narrowed.

"Yeah," said Dib, and Quin could tell he was suddenly guarded. "A few... friends I have who don't go to school. They know."

Quin blinked at him. "What are you gonna do?" She asked.

Dib took a bite of his food in a failed effort to look at ease. "Well, my friends and I are... paranormal enthusiasts."

"Paranormal?" Quin cocked her head to the side. "You mean like ghosts and stuff?"

"Yeah," said Dib through a mouth of food. "Whenever something weird happens, or somebody sees something they can't explain, they come to us, and we check it out."

"I thought I told you two to be quiet!" Snapped Gaz. Quin jumped, scrambling further along on the bench from the dark girl. "If you guys make me lose this boss fight, so help me, I will smack you both into next week!"

Dib glared at his sister. "C'mon, Gaz! Some things are more important than video games, don't you think?"

"Yeah," said Gaz, pounding on the buttons, Her eyebrows were knotted with concentration. "But not your stupid paranormal mumbo jumbo. Just shut up. I've been trying to beat this guy all day, and I think I've finally got it, so if you guys mess me up there will be some serious suffering."

Well that didn't sound like a fun prospect. Quin stood nervously from the table and picked up her tray. "Alright," She said. "Well if it's okay with Dib, we can take this conversation somewhere else. Right, Dib?" Before the boy could object, Quin began to walk to another vacant table. Dib glanced between her and his sister.

"Go ahead," snapped Gaz. "Go give your little girlfriend a headache with your annoying voice. It's better than what will happen to you if you stay here."

Dib raised an eyebrow at his sister. "She's not my girlfriend! And she's your friend too," he said. "Don't you want her to sit with us? You're not going to keep your friends very long if you treat them like that."

Gaz paused her game and looked Dib in the eye, something that immediately made him nervous. "Let's get one thing straight," she said dangerously. "She's not my friend. She got me out of trouble once and sat with us for, like, five minutes. That does not make us friends."

Dib rolled his eyes. "Well yeah, but-" and then he cut himself off as something dawned upon him. "Wait, she got you out of trouble?"

"Yeah."

"What'd you do?"

Gas rolled her eyes as she resumed her game and continued mashing buttons. "That's for me to know and you not to, Dip-stick," she griped.

Her older brother's eyes bulged. "What did you call me?"

"Dip-stick," Gaz calmly replied.

"Oh yeah? Well you're-"

"Dib?" Quins voice lightly floated over to the Membrane's table. "You coming?"

Dib made a quick 'I'm watching you' gesture at Gaz, and then picked up his tray, hurrying off to sit with Quin. He noted with satisfaction that she was looking at Zim with concern. For Planet Earth probably. Grinning, he settled down across from her.

"Anyway," he happily resumed. "Tonight I'm gonna try to sneak into Zim's lab and find proof about his... alieness. If people don't believe me, at least they'll recognize that he's not normal. Maybe they'll get used to the idea. It will be progress." He chomped roughly on a piece of lettuce. "And also I wanna steal back my computer. Zim stole it the other day. I'm still mad about that."

Beneath her holographic disguise, Quin's antennae perked. Apparently this Dib human wasn't suspicious of her at all. He was telling her his plans so openly. She found his trust reassuring. It was a sign of honesty, and you didn't see very many honest Irkens where she came from.

"How will you do that?" Asked Quin, poking at something gunky on her plate. It seemed to be reaching toward her knife... She carefully slid the utensil out of its reach. Dib didn't notice.

"His lawn gnomes are, like, laser zombies or something," he said, chewing. "But I know a blind spot in their camera field. I can just sneak through that, go through a window, and from there, I'm just gonna wing it. I don't know what he's got inside the house, but I think most of his security system is outside. I've gotten through once."

"You did?" Quin asked, raising her eyebrows "What did you find?"

Dib waved his fork, and stabbed some food on his plate. "Oh, you know. Alien stuff. I dunno what any of it did, but I think one of them might have been a torture machine. Like a rice cooker or something, except, you know, you put a person in it. And it would get really hot in there..."

Quin gave a slow "Uh huh," and stabbed a bit of salad on her plate. From Zim's ongoing little show she could tell most of the Earth food was probably poisonous, but watching Dib eat, the salad seemed harmless enough. Chewing, she listened with interest as Dib droned on.

"And he has a crazy dog. But it's not a dog! It's like, a robot in disguise. It actually has, like, machine guns in its head!"

"Wow," Quin pretended to be amazed. "Sounds scary."

"Yeah!" Said Dib. "So you believe me, right? About Zim being an alien, I mean? You could help me!"

Quin's eyes lit up. Maybe she was going to far with the whole "spying for Dib, who she was spying on for Zim, who she was spying on for Fuz" thing, but it was fun. The more people who trusted her, the more information she would have, and the more she could report to Fuz at the end of the day.

"Totally cool!" she exclaimed. "But not tonight. I have to be at my, uh... cousin's house."

Dib slumped, but she could see his resolve was unfazed. "Okay. I'll let you know if the mission is successful. Wanna exchange phone numbers?"

Quin's eyes suddenly widened nervously. Phone number? What was that? "Um, I don't have a phone."

"Oh." Dib chomped some more salad between his teeth. "Well, I'll just tell you tomorrow than."

"Yeah,"

They ate in silence, watching, amused, as Zim pretended to drink milk. They could easily tell he was just dumping it on the table, but it seemed enough to convince the other children. "I AM ZIM!" He shouted as he flung the empty milk carton at a blond girl, knocking her out of her seat. "AND I AM NORMAL AND MILK-DRINKING!"

Dib sighed and downed the last of his own milk. Months ago he would have leaped to his feet and demanded of the other children whether they thought throwing an empty paper carton at one hundred thirty miles an hour was normal, but since then, he had trained himself to resist such urges. They never worked, and they only made him look crazier than people already though he was. Why bother?

"One o'clock," Dib noted out loud. "lunch is over."

The bell rang.

"I'll see you later than," Quin said picking her tray up.

"Yeah," replied Dib. "See you."

* * *

"And that, children, is why bees are so great!" Exclaimed Mr. Elliot, closing his lesson.

Quin raised her hand, wishing silently that she was closer to the front of the room. "Mr. Elliot?" she chimed. "I thought you were gonna teach us about how bees make honey, not how great they are."

"Oh," Mr. Elliot waved his hand dismissively. "You heard wrong. The lesson was about why bees are great. I hope you all remember what you learned today, class, because there will be a quiz tomorrow!"

The class groaned collectively, and put their papers sluggishly into their folders. Quin mimicked them, making sure to be neat as she sorted through her work. She did not want to lose anything. "I'll see you tomorrow, Gaz," she said pleasantly, flashing a bright smile.

"Meh," grunted the dark girl, shutting her game off under her desk and shoving it quickly into her pocket. Quin nodded, pretending it had been a polite reply. Being bitter wasn't her thing.

She followed the flow of noisy students, keeping shyly by the wall. She sighing with relief as she finally made it out the door. The inside of the skool had grown hot and stuffy with all the bodies squeezed in there, and the coolness of the outside air was was a welcome touch.

"Hey, Quin!" Quin heard a voice behind her. She turned her head around; large, doe-like eyes blinking meekly. Dib was walking toward her, a backpack hanging casually on his shoulder. An open smile was fitted across his face. "Can I walk you home?"

Quin smiled, but she knew she'd have to refuse. If he saw how close her house was to Zim's he would freak. "No thanks, Dib," she said, letting her smile droop a little. "See you tomorrow?"

"M'kay. See ya!"

They parted ways just as quickly as they had spoken, but Quin found herself sighing as she turned around. She would have liked to walk with Dib, just to talk with him a little more. Or listen to him talk. She would never be able to think of what to say.

She could hear footsteps behind her. Big, loud footsteps that commanded attention. She turned around, just in time to see Zim smirk before he passed in front of her.

"So," he drawled, turning toward her and walking backwards. "What did you learn?"

Quin snapped into Irken soldier mode, immediately standing straighter. "Bees are cute, cuddly creatures that God made so people could have yummy sticky stuff to eat called 'honey.'"

""Really?" Zim raised his eyebrows. "Who taught you that? I learned about how bees were used to torture humans hundreds of years ago."

Quin's antennae perked curiously. "What?"

"Yeah," Zim turned around and walked at her side. "They would put the prisoner in a wooden stock, and they would, like, throw a beehive at them, and the bees would attack him until he died."

"Attack? How?"

Zim scoffed. "Sting him. Duh."

Quin cocked her head to the side. "They sting?"

Zim raised an eyebrow, and Quin automatically shrunk from him, wincing. Great, she had made a fool of herself in front of the scariest Irken she had ever met. On Devastis, weakness like ignorance was not taken kindly. Was Zim going to hit her?

"Huh," grunted Zim, and turned forward again, walking on as if she had never said anything.

Quin sighed in relief, but couldn't make herself relax. She tried to walk as far from Zim as she could without looking like she was trying.

"Um," she began cautiously, twiddling her fingers. "I also, um, met... someone."

Zim raised his antennae beneath his wig, and Quin dropped hers, even if he couldn't see them through her disguise. He looked only mildly surprised. "Who's that?"

"Oh, just," Quin tucked a stray strand of brown hair behind her ear and forced herself to breathe. "Uh... well in class there was this one girl, and I made friends with her, and we sat together at lunch..."

Zim made a small nod as if to ask her to continue. Quin gulped.

"And, uh, she had a brother, and his name was..." She was panicking now, her breath fast and hot. Suddenly she had serious doubt about what she was doing. Should Zim know she had met Dib? Would he let her follow through with her plans? Again, everything was hanging on her, this very moment, and she barely knew what was going on."Dib." She finally choked out.

Zim's face darkened, And Quin's breath caught. She should run. Oh man, she wanted to run, but her legs were moving automatically, walking side by side with the most infamous villain in Irken history.

"...What happened?" asked Zim. Quin shrunk away from him again, wringing her hands.

"He just sat down with us, and started talking... he said he knew you were an alien."

Zim huffed, folding his arms. "I guess that saves me the trouble," he griped, and Quin sighed with relief. "Anything else?"

Quin held back a moan and bit her lip. Should she really tell Zim about Dib's plan? As it was, she liked Dib a whole lot better than Zim. Secretly she would like to see the human sneak out of the little underground base with some pictures, but her first loyalties were with Fuz. And she knew what Fuz would say.

"Yes. He, um, he said he was going to break into your base. Tonight. And he wants his computer back."

The outlaw's face broke into a sinister smirk, and she could see the glint of red through his contacts. "Heh. Well if he wants his precious little laptop back, he can come and get it," he said mockingly. "He's got it coming to him."

"Yeah," said Quin, though her stomach felt heavy. What did they call that feeling? Right. Guilt. She'd just betrayed Dib's open trust, and probably put him in danger. "And, uh, I... I kinda agreed to help him expose you."

Zim's eyes widened, and he whirled round to face her, talons flexing. Quin cried out with alarm and stumbled backwards, falling ungracefully on her back end. Zim loomed over her like the grim reaper.

"You dare betray Zim?" He demanded dangerously.

"No!" Quin scrambled away, trying to get back to her feet, but she fell again, pushing away. "It's not like that! It's not! Listen! This is a_ good_ thing. He thinks I'm on his side. That's why he told me his plans."

Zim's narrow eyes widened only slightly. "Eh?"

"He thinks I'm human. He trusts me. He wants my help. As long as he doesn't know I have anything to do with you, we can use it to our advantage. I can '_accidentally_' mess up his plans. I can give him false information. I can help you win."

Zim's eyes burned into her, calculating. Quin brought herself to her feet, panting as she wrapped her arms slowly around herself. She had just made herself Dib's enemy, even if he didn't know it. Now she knew what it felt like to be a poisonous snake.

"Hmm..." hummed Zim. "You are suggesting that I use you as a double agent?"

Where had she heard that before?

"Yeah," sighed Quin. "Look, Zim, I, uh... I already built my own base just a little further from yours, and I think... I think I should go home."

"Yes," Zim waved at her dismissively, detracted with formulating plans. "Go. Meet me at my base five o'clock before sunrise."

Quin nodded and scurried ahead, wondering miserably what sort of tangled mess she had gotten herself into in only one day of her previously simple life.

* * *

"Fuz!" Quin cried the moment she pushed the door open. She closed it breathlessly and ran further into the base, flicking her disguise off. Her stomach was heavy with dread, and her long antennae dragged on the ground with every step. All she wanted to do was hide her face and scream.

"In the kitchen, smeet!" Fuz's familiar voice floated from out of sight. Quin whimpered and began quickly down the hall.

"Fuz!" She cried again when she ran into the kitchen. The taller Irken was humming to herself calmly, thinly chopping a carrot into slices on the counter, but she put her knife down and looked up just in time to receive a forceful hug from Quin. "Zim's so scary!" The Quin sobbed, burying her face in Fuz's shirt.

Her face softened, and she put her massive claw gently on Quin's tiny little shoulder. "But you were successful in your mission, yes?" She asked calmly, leaning down. "I knew you would be."

"Yeah," Quin sniffed, stepping away. Fuz may be her friend, but Quin still needed to keep her composure. "I've got so much to tell you!"

Fuz grinned kindly at her, but her indigo eyes glinted sharp and cold like needles. Quin blinked at her. As unreadable as Fuz's face could be, Quin had accepted it was simply the way she was. "Good!" beamed the older invader. "I'd love to hear it, but I'm making dinner."

Quin nodded, wiping her eye with the back of her hand. "Have you been making dinner all day?"

Fuz rolled her eyes and picked up her knife again, bringing it down on the carrot. "Of course not, smeet. I've been around. I had some..." Fuz flashed a grin of dagger-like teeth, and her eyes gained a sinister gleam. "Important business to attend to."

Quin would have asked what business Fuz could possibly mean, but she didn't dare. She knew Fuz could get touchy about that sort of thing. "Alright," she said quietly. "Ugh, do I really have to go meet up with Zim again tomorrow?"

"Yesssss," Fuz brought the knife down with terrifying force that shook the counter. "It's all part of the plan. When we go back home, we'll both be heroes." Fuz turned to face her, eyes gleaming sharply. "And you'll get to be a real invader for sure."

"Yeah..." Quin sighed, looking down at her tiny claws. "I'll go again tomorrow. I won't like it, though."

Fuz gave another chilling grin and patted Quin gently on the head. "That's good. You're half an invader already. Go wash up. Dinner will be ready soon."

Quin promptly obeyed, peeling her gloves off as she walked. She didn't like where this mission was going. Tomorrow would be even harder than today.

There was a storm coming. She could feel it.

_**A.N. So, like it? Don't like it? Wish I wasn't asking you to review so you can get back to your lives? Well I have a life too, you know, and if I can take hours out of everyday to write for your entertainment, the least you can do is take a minute and say something nice. **_


	8. Barbies, Butterflies, and Mushrooms

_**A.N. Gee, has it really been that long since I updated? Sorry about that. I guess by now your guys have figured out I'm less of a once-a-week author, and more of a once-a-month author. I probably would have taken even longer if it weren't for AshSparks' INCREDIBLY nice review. Do you really feel that way? Dude, I wanna hug you. This chapter is fo you! Yeah, anyway, please enjoy, and don't forget to review!**_

The room was dark and hot; about seventy degrees actually, but that didn't matter to Quin, who had curled herself up on the couch and was absorbed completely in her Saturday morning cartoons. Her heart skipped a beat as she watched Batman fall off the edge of a building, grappling desperately with his hands for something to hold in order not to become a splat on the pavement. He was falling fast, and it was such a long drop...

"No!" gasped Quin, hugging a throw pillow to her chest. "Use your grappling hook, Batman!"

Almost as if he had heard her, the dark super hero patted his pockets hurriedly, and tugged his grappling hook from his belt, shooting it up at the ledge of a window. Quin sighed with relief as she watched him pull himself up and begin climbing again up the side of the building. Squeezing the pillow to her chest again with anticipation, she flopped on her side, curling her little legs up. Batman was pulling himself over the edge of the roof now, where Robin was waiting for him.

"_Where's Penguin?_" asked Batman quickly.

"_I think he ran off when you fell,_" replied the young side-kick. Quin whined with disappointment. She really wanted to see the look on Penguin's face when Batman escaped another seemingly inevitable death.

Guess she'd have to watch next week to see what happened next, she supposed, turning the TV off with the push of the remote. The episode was done anyway, and since it was Saturday, and there was no skool, Zim had no use for her. She had the whole day all to herself to do whatever she wanted, and she already had a pretty good idea of what that was.

She threw the throw pillow to the floor, and jumped to her feet, running out of the TV room. The brisk run to her bed room seemed shorter than it actually was, and Quin sighed with pleasure as she sunk to her knees, pulling a little plastic box from beneath her bed.

"Hello, Barbies!" she said with delight. "Wanna play?"

She never gave the dolls a chance to answer, pulling them out of their place and laying them out on the floor. There was a good collection of them, all well loved and well kept. Actually, most of them were super hero action figures, but they were Barbie like enough to be called as such.

She began shifting through them, picking out which ones she wanted to play with right now and which ones could go back in the box. On Devastis, keeping toys was not advised. She always got picked on and teased for locking herself away in her tiny excuse for a dorm and knocking plastic fists against plastic heads as Superman punched Brainiac. Still, no one had ever directly told her to get rid of them, so she never did. They'd always been tucked safely under her bed, and that's where they always would be as long as she wanted them.

Finally she decided just to use Batman, Robin, and two nameless Barbies, tucking the rest of the little toys away.

"Okay," she said to the plastic girls in her hands. "You can be the victim; that means Joker is gonna do something bad to you, so Batman can save you."

She put the first Barbie down, and then turned to the other one. "And I don't have a Joker doll, so you'll have to be him."

The Barbie smiled.

"Good!"

And so the fun began. Quin moved the dolls with practiced realism, swiveling the arms and heads just like she was sure the actual characters would move. It came so naturally, she eventually forgot it was she who was building the story, and it seemed to be happening in front of her, as if on its own. The substitute Joker was actually working very well, if only she looked less girly. She laughed and threw funny one-liners, and weaved around Batman's punches just like the real deal. Eventually she became her own character, and the story line changed from one way to another in ways that would only make sense to Quin.

She sighed as the adventure finally came to a victorious end, and placed the toys back in the box, not before braiding the Barbies' long hair to make sure it wasn't tangled as the box shifted. Slowly she pushed it back under the bed and stood.

"Computer?" she asked, rubbing her eye. "What time is it?"

"Eleven forty, Quin," replied the curt female voice of Fuz's computer. Quin sighed, creaking open the door of her room and walking into the hall. She didn't like Fuz's computer at all. When the older invader had told her she would be programming an AI into the base, Quin had been very excited, but was disappointed to find that it lacked the personality of Zim's computer. She'd only talked to it once, and already she preferred it over the clipped professional tones of the one the had here.

"Thanks," she said, even if she knew this AI did not have the capacity to register gratitude. It only gave its programmed reply.

"You're welcome."

Quietly Quin stepped into the large elevator and asked politely to be let up. The computer replied wordlessly and efficiently, and Quin thanked it again, getting the same reply. She stepped out of the walk-in cabinet, and looked around blankly.

"Fuz?" She called, antennae raised to pick up scent and sound. Fuz's scent was everywhere, after all it was her house, but it wasn't any more recent than an hour. "Computer," said Quin again. "Where is Fuz?"

"The mistress is in the labs, preforming updates on the Standard Information Retrieval unit," it replied. "She has told me not to let you down there, as she does not wish to be disturbed."

Quin blinked owlishly at the computer's bluntness, and both of her antennae leaned to the side as she tilted her head. "Oh. Well can you tell her I'm going outside to play?"

"Yes, Quin."

That settled, the tiny Irken nodded happily and opened the metal-enforced door, pushing against it laboriously with all her weight. Instantly the cool breeze and smell of the forest touched her antennae and stroked her face. Her mouth broke into a smile and she ran outside, laughing, closing the door behind her.

The sun dappled through the leaves, casting brilliant beams of golden light onto the purples and yellows of little wild flowers that bloomed all around their little base. Quin pranced away from the building, deeper into the woods as she laughed. She moved as gracefully as a doe, every footstep as quiet as a snowflake hitting the ground...

And then she flopped ungracefully on her face, moaning with pleasure as she clawed at the grass. Her antennae buried themselves in the little green blades, absorbing the scent. It was a scent she never wanted to forget as long as she lived. It was so... Earthy. It was a good smell, she decided. A good smell for a good place. And this was a very good place. If she could, maybe she would live here. And she'd frolic in the grass and play in the mud everyday. And then she'd climb up into the tallest tree she could find and nap until dinnertime. Yes, Earth was a very good place. She liked it here.

Something bright orange flickered in the corner of her eye, and Quin sat up quickly, antennae perked with interest. It was a tiny little creature, barely the size of her hand, that fluttered lightly on it's gorgeous wings, silently floating away. Quin's sparkling pink eyes widened, and she leaped to her feet, a big grin on her face.

"Wait!" she shouted to it playfully. "Come back!"

The creature ignored her, and Quin chased after it quickly, laughing as she jumped up and tried to bring it down with a sweep of her claws. It dodged gracefully and changed direction, and Quin had to stop for a moment to find it again before she dashed after it once more.

"Hey!" She shouted. "Come back! I just wanna play!"

It was like a blur of black and orange, its wings disappearing and reappearing every time they opened and closed. With a sudden burst of speed and a powerful push of her legs, Quin launched herself at it, and finally captured it, making a cage out of her fingers.

"Wow, you're pretty fast," she told it, sitting down an a mossy log. She opened her hands just wide enough to peek inside. "But I'm an Irken, so I'm even faster. Want another round?"

She opened her hands wider, and raised them up so the creature could fly away.

It didn't.

"little fella?" Quin asked. "Go on now. I can' hold you forever. Don't you want to fly away?"

She could feel it walking along the length of her claw, perching on the edge, but still it didn't fly. Slowly, carefully, she brought her finger down in front of her face to investigate the problem.

She gasped.

One of the creature's wings was bend awkwardly, flopping uselessly at its side. Quin's face creased with worry, and she brought it closer to her chest.

"I'm so sorry!" she told it. "I promise I didn't mean to! I'm- I'm sorry." Carefully she took the wing between her fingers and straightened it, biting her lip, and sighed with relief when the creature straightened itself out and flew away. She watched it go, but didn't chase it this time as she relaxed on her mossy log. Soon it was gone, and Quin stood, wiping some dirt from the moss off her pants. She was glad the creature had healed. If it hadn't, she wasn't sure how she would forgive herself.

Moving through the woods again, she payed close attention to the sounds she could hear, and the scents she could pick up. There were many avian creatures that were making warbling sounds in their throats and long, whooping cries every so often. She gave them little thought as another more familiar sound met her antennae- running water.

Quickly she ran towards it, laughing again. She could remember those days on Devastis when she and her friends would sneak away from camp and play in the cool streams of water. They would splash and sing and see how many fish they could catch with their hooked claws. Those had been some of the most fun times in her life.

Quin's eyes brightened as the shining surface of the water caught her eye, and she picked up speed, leaping gracefully over the stream and landing in a crouch on the other side. She leaned over the water, smiling at her foggy reflection. It smiled back lopsidedly.

"I wonder if Earth has fish?" Quin said quietly to herself. Her reflection, of course, had no answer for her, so she leaned closed to the water, straining her eyes to see deeper beneath the surface. It was not as easy as it had been on Devastis, and it didn't take Quin long to figure out why. "Ew! It's all dirty!"

But as foggy as it was, she could see the slick, dark shapes of fish moving leisurely in the water. Her face brightened, and she braced herself for the pounce, raising her claws so she could scoop up the fish. She had done it all the time back at home, so she knew she could do it here.

Just swim here, little fish. A little closer...

When the fish was within striking distance, Quin slipped her claws quickly but carefully in the water, grabbing the slippery fish firmly in her hand. She yanked it out and took several quick hops away from the water. If she dropped it, she didn't want it to escape back into the stream.

Without hesitation she snapped it in her teeth, killing quickly. It stopped flailing, and she set it on the ground in the grass, tilting her head at it quizzically. There were a few minor differences, but this little creature was almost exactly like the fish they had on Devastis. It was uncanny.

A sudden pain in her hands made Quin gasp, and she took another hop away from the fish, nearly losing her balance as she raised her hands up to look at them. There were little burn marks on her skin that hadn't been there before she touched the water. Whimpering, she stuck her finger in her mouth, hoping to ease the burn. It helped, but only a little.

What happened? Why did her fingers hurt? Was the fish's skin poisonous? She cast it a quick glance and slowly, nervously reached toward it, putting her hand on it's broad side.

Nothing happened.

What had burned her, then? Was it the water? Quin hopped again to the streams edge, leaning over it again. Her reflection looked nervously up at her.

Carefully she reached forward, touching the surface of the water again. Nothing happened.

Okay, so it wasn't the water. Maybe it was-

Wait a minute...

Quin yelped, scrambling hastily away from the stream. Her finger was burning again, and Quin found herself with her finger in her mouth before she knew what she was doing.

Why had the water burned her? She always played in the water back home, and it had never hurt her. It must just be the planet. But what kind of species could survive with acidic water? And why hadn't Zim given her a warning about it?

She stood up, still sucking pitifully on her finger, and picked up her fish with her other hand to put it in her Pak. She didn't know what she would do with it, but it would be wasteful just to leave it there. Still nursing her little burn, she trudged up the hill again, into the trees. There were still other things to do, she guessed, even if fishing was her favorite.

She wandered a little ways away, looking at all the pretty trees and flowers. There wasn't much else to do. Of course she could play pretend, but that was always more fun with someone else, and-

"_COWABUNGA!_"

Quin cried out in alarm at the loud exclamation, and her antennae stood on end with fright, but they quickly lowered when she recognized the voice. "Gir?" she called as she carefully approached. "Is that you?"

"Hiya, pinkie!" the little doggie-clad android shoved his head out from a shrub, causing Quin to jump and bring a tiny hand to her chest. "Watcha doin'?"

The little Irken blinked at him, surprised, but quickly composed herself. "Nothing," she said timidly. "What are _you_ doing?"

"Imma slug hunting!" shouted Gir excitedly. "Imma get big ones and little ones and gooey ones and fat ones, skinny ones, and ones with spots." Suddenly Gir grabbed her arm and began tugging her towards him. "You can help me! Cmon! Piiiiiinkiiieeeeee..."

"Alright! Alright, fine!" Quin pulled her arm out of Gir's grip and lowered herself to her hands and knees, crawling into the bushes with him. "What are slugs, anyway?"

"It's a surprise!" giggled Gir. "Cmon! The sled's over here!"

"_Sled?_"

When they both emerged on the other side of the bushes, Quin stood up and looked around confusedly. Gir had led her into Zim's back yard, where a wooden platform she suspected was a sled sat on the top of the hill. It was a little closer to Zim's base than she would have liked, but she supposed it was still a pretty safe distance.

"Yer sp'osed t' have snow," said Gir, walking past her toward the sled. Quin quickly followed him. "But it all go meltie meltie, so we gotta use fake stuff."

"Meltie... what?"

Ignoring her, Gir marched up to the top of the hill and beat her to the sled. That was when Quin noticed that there was a tub of cream cheese sitting next to it. Gir picked it up with a somewhat creepy grin, holding it up for her to see. "_Cheeeeeeese,_" he said.

"Cheese," repeated Quin, struggling to understand.

"Yep," said Gir, sitting on the sled with the tub of cream cheese on his lap. "Cheese."

Quin frowned. She'd never seen real snow before, but she had heard of it from other well-traveled Irkens, and she was pretty sure it wasn't cheese. Nonetheless, she decided to humor Gir, studying the sled. "I don't think there's enough room for both of us, Gir," she told him, shrugging. "You'll have to sit on my lap."

"I don't wanna!" the robot-doggie shouted, latching on to the sides of the sled with his little black paws. "I wanna drive!"

"Oh fine!" Quin rolled her eyes exasperatedly. Then sarcastically she added, "I'll just sit on _your_ lap."

"Okay!'

Quin blinked at him. "W-wait! That's not what I meant!"

"But you said that!" shouted Gir, pointing at her.

"Yeah, but I didn't _mean_ it! I've got an idea. How about you sit in my lap _and_ drive?"

Gir considered that for a moment, and then nodded, getting off of the sled. Quin sighed with relief as she sat down on it, and Gir giggled and flopped onto her legs, righting himself so he could take the reigns,

"Gimme the cheese!" said Gir, holding his hand out behind him expectantly. Quin hesitated for a moment, and then picked up the tub of cream cheese, handing it meekly to him.

"What's it for?" she asked. Gir didn't reply, though, too busy dumping the cheese on the ground in front of the sled. Quin watched curiously, antennae perked in confusion.

"It's the snow," said Gir when all of the cream cheese had formed a vague path down he hill for the sled to follow. "So the sled can slide down good." Then he handed her back the empty tub. "We's only gots one so you's gotta pick it up behind us so we don't run out."

"Um, okay," agreed Quin, taking it. This wasn't what she had been expecting to do all day, but she guessed she was okay with it. Slug-hunting sounded fun. At least it was better than having to spy for Zim.

"Okay..." said Gir. "Ready... push!"

Nothing happened.

Gir turned to look at her. "Push!" he said again childishly.

Startled, Quin pushed against the ground, and the sled lurched forward, speeding down the hill. She cried out and barely kept herself from falling backwards. After a moment of panic, she righted herself and turned around, putting the edge of the tub against the ground to scoop up the squished cream cheese. It wasn't a very effective method; the sled had crushed it into the grass, so only a tiny bit got back into the bucket, but before she could come up with another one, the sled had come to a stop a few feet away from the bottom of the hill.

"Yay!" Gir threw his arms up in the air when they had come to a complete stop. He turned back to her and grinned. "The cheese make the sled go fast. See?"

"Yeah," mumbled Quin. "But I don't think we picked it all back up..." She showed him the inside of the bucket, and Gir seemed surprised by how empty it was.

"Oh," he said sadly. "Now how will we find slugs?"

Quin lowered her antennae sympathetically. "Aw, we can walk. Actually, I think we'll find more if we're going slower."

"Okay!" The puppy-bot jumped off her lap and began to waddle squeakily away. Quin followed after him quickly. She didn't really know why she wasn't trying to take control from Gir; he obviously had no idea what they were doing, but then again, neither did she. Shrugging her questions away, she followed Gir in the direction of the stream. She could hear the trickling of water all the way from over here.

"They like mud," explained Gir after a moment of walking. "Cause they can play in the mud and stay all wet."

"Oh," she said, raising her antennae. "So... what do they look like?"

Gir didn't turn around to look at her; his giant eyes were fixed on the ground ahead of him, scanning carelessly for slugs. "They all gooey and lumpy. Master said to go findz them so I can be quiet."

Quin couldn't help an amused smirk. "I see," she said.

They walked on a little farther, peeking through bushes and digging through leaves in search of these mysterious creatures. Every once in a while Gir would cry out with joy for finding a slug, and by the time Quin peeked over his shoulder to see what he was looking at, he would whine, "false alarm," and keep looking. It was starting to get on Quin's nerves when he kept doing it every three seconds or so, but she didn't have the guts to complain, not even to an adorable little green puppy.

By the time they reached the stream, it was quite a relief to see the water again, even if Quin watched it warily as she followed Gir along the bank. They both crouched down, digging around in the mud.

"Are you sure they're gonna be under the mud?" asked Quin.

"I dunno," replied Gir. "I just know they likes mud and they's all slimy."

They both dug on for a little longer, getting their hands dirty. Sooner or later, their interest in slug-hunting dwindled, and they found themselves leaning against the trunks of trees, kicking their feet absently.

"Maybe there just aren't any here," sighed Quin, closing her eyes. The sun had begun to sink from its highest point, indicating that the afternoon had begun. The light was shining onto her face and burning through her eyelids so she lifted her arm to rest it comfortably over her eyes.

"Aw, but I wanted a slug,"whined Gir.

"Why?"

It was a question without an answer, and Quin knew it before she even asked. It was just fun to watch Gir's face go from upset, to confused that fast. Slowly she stood up, and stretched her back. "Well, what do you wanna do?"

Gir jumped to his feet excitedly. "Let's go to my house!" He suggested "We can make jello and muffins! You know how to make jello? You gotta get some powdery stuff and some pineapples and raisins and then-"

Quin cut him off by waving her claw disinterestedly. She didn't want to go to Gir's house, because she knew who's house it really was. "I don't think so, Gir," she said. "I wanna play outside. Do you like to fly kites?"

Gir perked up and nodded eagerly.

"Cool! I didn't bring any to Earth though, so we might-"

Gir shook his head. "Naw, I got some," he said. "Wait right here!" and then he ran off up the hill and disappeared into the woods. Quin did as she was told, but after a minute she grew tired of waiting, and she began to wander along the edge of the stream, peering into its depths. She could see the dark shapes of fish sliding through the water, and her claws scratched at air as she resisted scooping them with her claws.

Her attention being on the fish, she was quite startled when she stepped on something crumbly and spongy. Hopping back with a cry of alarm, she bent down to observe the crushed object. It was a little familiar; she was pretty sure she had seen it on other planets before. Some kind of fungus, a mushroom, she guessed. She took the largest piece of it that as left intact, and shoved it carelessly into her Pak. Fuz's SIR unit would like to have a peek at it later, if it wanted.

Something else caught her eye as she was crouching down, and she fell to her hands and knees, crawling toward it. What she saw amazed her.

It was a little green animal, big as the shape her hands made wen she cupped them together, and just as round too. It pulled it's stumpy arms and legs into it's hard shell and it's long neck seemed to shorten as it tried to hide its head too. Quin gasped with delight and moved carefully closer. The closer she became, the more the animal shrunk into its shell.

"Hi there, little guy," She cooed it and rubbed her hand gently along it's hard back. It cowered in its shell fearfully, shrinking on itself. "Don't worry, I won't hurt you. Geez, you're a shy little one, aren't you?"

Slowly, she moved her hands around the creature, and lifted it up, being careful not to hurt it. It still did not emerge from its shell, but Quin moved it so its head was facing her. "Hello!" She said happily, peeking in. She could just barely see its shiny black eyes looking back at her.. "Peek-a-boo!"

The animal remained in its shell, and Quin rolled her eyes, bringing it closer to her chest and holding it like a baby. "Aw, you're just a scaredy-cat," she told it. "But I like you. Wanna come home with me?"

The animal didn't do anything, and she assumed that meant yes.

"Good!" She began to walk back toward the trees, and sunk down to sit back against one of the trunks, holding her new friend on her lap. "You'll need a name, though. How about Mushroom? Since I found you by the mushroom?"

As if gaining courage, Mushroom poked his head out of his shell and began to look around. Quin smiled and moved her finger to pet him on the head, but when he saw what she was about to do, he withdrew again, cowering. Quin sighed. "You'll get used to me eventually," she guessed aloud. "And then we'll be friends."

The distant squeak of little feet from in the woods gave Quin a heads-up that Gir would be here soon. She stood, holding Mushroom to her chest with one arm. He was starting to peek out of his shell again, and his arms and legs wiggled against her as she walked toward where she knew Gir was.

"Gir, I'm over here!" she called and watched as Gir changed direction towards her. He waved a kite over his head excitedly.

"I got the kite!" he shouted as he was running. "But I only got one so we gotta take turns. I wanna go first, okay?"

Quin quickly moved Mushroom behind her back. If Gir saw him, there was no doubt he would want to hold him, or worse, eat him. "Actually, um, Gir," she scratched the back of her head nervously. "I have to go home."

The puppy-bot slowed to a walked and tilted its head sadly, lowering the kite until it trailed along on the ground. "Why?" he asked.

"Just... because," Quin began to walk away, careful to keep Mushroom out of Gir's view. "Thanks for playing with me, Gir. See ya!"

Gir stared at her for a few seconds as if trying to comprehend what was going on, but then he waved a little black paw and smiled. "Okay! Bye bye, pinkie!"

Quin turned and smiled at him, and then, holding Mushroom to her chest, she ran the rest of the way home.

* * *

It was all set. Everything was in place. The lab was cool and quiet, clean of everything. Fuz narrowed her midnight eyes as she took a deep breath.

Her two SIR units, the one the empire had supplied her with, and the one she had built herself were both lying side by side on her work table, both their eyes dim and gray. She'd spent all morning getting them ready for the transplant, cleaning them, sorting out their hardware. There was just one thing to do now. It had all been leading up to this.

Holding her breath, she opened the head of her own SIR, and shifted around in the hardware for what she was looking for. She only hoped it was scavengable. If it wasn't, all chances of reviving her old friend were lost.

Her eyes lit up as she found it, and she slowly pulled it out, being careful not to disturb any of the other wires. In her hand she was holding the brain on her SIR. Its memories, its programming. everything that made it_ it_ she she held in her hand, and she took a moment to marvel at it.

It would work. It would still work. She wanted to laugh and cry at the same time, to hold the SIR to her chest and dance around the room, but her face remained hard as stone, as it always did.

She opened the other SIR unit and grabbed its brain chip as well, but this one she did not care for. She threw it hard across the room and watched with glee at it shattered against the wall, and its pieces scattered. There was only one SIR that she ever wanted to use, and that was the one she held in her hand. Not some default-programmed zombie.

Fuz slid the old brain ship into the slot of in the new SIR's body and bit her lip as she closed the head again, locking it. Slowly she backed away, watching.

"Activation code 84398346," she recited firmly. "Report for duty."

The bloody crimson eyes lit up. It was a miracle.

"Kain," it said. "Reporting for duty."

Before she realized what she was doing, Fuz had scooped the long-lost SIR into her arms and hugged it as if her life depended on it. "Kain!" she sobbed. "You have no idea how much I missed you!"

"I do not understand," said Kain blankly,

"The wastelands," Fuz explained. "On Evastan. The sand got in your circuits. I tried so many times to fix you, but none of them worked." She set him back down on the table. "Then the tallests sent me on a mission to assassinate some stupid rogue, and I got a new SIR unit. I put you in its body to repair you."

Kain seemed to notice for the first time that he was, indeed, quite beside himself. "So I'm just a SIR unit again?" he asked looking from his old body to his new one.

"Yes," said Fuz. "I can add upgrades later, but right now this is all I can do. You're lucky I could bring you back." She put up a cold front, shifting her weight as she crossed her arms.. "But there's something I need you to do for me."

Kain looked up at her.

"I stole a dead soul, Kain. I've proven to myself that I can do it." A wicked grin ripped across her face. "I'm ready to become the warden of the Soul Prison, and you are going to help me do it."

**_A.N. Hey, hey hey, no flaming! I know this seems like a bit of a filler now, but later on, it will be important. I've just introduced TWO very important charactors. Yes, that's right, the turtle will be a major thing in the plot too. Don't laugh... Okay, laugh if you want to. Laughing is optional, but not reviewing! REVIEW RIGHT NOW!_**


	9. One Really Busy Saturday

**_AN: Hello! Yes, I'm sure you'll all be delighted to hear that I am indeed still alive. Had you given up all hope of ever reading this chapter? What has it been, six months?_**

**_I'm sure I could give you an excuse all about how my life is far to stressful and busy to write you regular chapters, but that would be a horrible lie. Actually, there isn't an excuse. I just didn't feel like writing, that's all. I did decide to make this one quite a bit longer to make up for my absence, though. It used to be two different chapters, but I crammed them both into one just because I could. _**

**_My plot bunny is just not one of those little viscious ones. He's one of those great, big, lazy bunnies that you have to kick to make move. And, really, your reviews are the only reason I bother with him. So please keep them coming; if I can write 22 pages of pure awesome, you can write a sentence or two about how much you appreciate the effort._**

**_As always, a billion thanks to the people who cared enough to review. Especially Donnistar, whose awesomely intelligent reviews equal two in my book._**

**_I'd ask you to enjoy, but that would be cliche', so instead I command you to read it and weep. _**

* * *

It was Saturday today, and Dib was _so_ ready for it.

He had his stealth suit, a water-squirter, night vision goggles, rope, cameras, and, of course, a can of tuna in case he needed to get by Gir. That covered just about everything. He double checked his list, and thought for a moment if he should bring anything else. It couldn't hurt to bring an extra can of tuna just to be safe. He quickly tucked it into his satchel and ran out of the kitchen and into the living room, where Gaz was laying belly-down on the floor, playing her video game.

"Hey, Gaz," he said.

"What," she said without looking up at him.

"I'm gonna go to Zim's house and try and get some pictures," Dib said excitedly. "And get my computer back. You know he took it? I'm still mad."

"What do you want, Dib?" Gaz cut him off, annoyed.

"Well, if I'm not back by ten, could you call the SE, tell them, er, you know, the code thing? I think you know the number, but if you don't, I have the card somewhere..."

"Whatever" said Gaz. "Bye."

Dib nodded, satisfied and walked out the door, closing it behind him.

…

A moment later the door opened again, and Dib poked his head back in. "What are you making for dinner, anyway?"

"_Bye_, Dib."

"I just wanna know so I can come back earlier if-"

"_**Bye**_,"

Dib nodded and left.

He walked with a spring in his step, teeth gritting like they did when he was excited. He wasn't exactly sure why he was in such a good mood. Honestly he didn't care. Maybe he just felt pretty good about his chances of at least finding another flaw in Zim's defenses. He did bring tuna this time, after all. He'd found pork didn't work as well.

When he arrived at Zim's house he approached carefully since his stealth suit, unfortunately, didn't seem to work on Gir. He had to try and attract a little attention as possible. He creaked the gate open a bit and squeezed in, closing it as quietly as he could behind him.

The gnomes paid him no attention as he walked through the yard, unable to see him thanks to the stealth suit. He normally came in through the front door, but he had recently discovered a back door (why had he not looked into that earlier?) that was much less ferociously guarded. He walked around the house into the backyard, careful not to leave any obvious footprints on the grass.

Zim's backyard was not what he had expected it to look like at first. It was pretty, well-kept, and surprisingly non-creepy looking. There was a little garden too, with lettuce and strawberries. Suddenly struck by curiosity, Dib crept across the lawn to the little garden, leaning over the plants. Why would Zim plant strawberries and lettuce if he couldn't even eat them? Was it an experiment of some kind? To learn more about Earth methods of agriculture? He shifted briefly through the leaves, not really expecting to find anything interesting.

He yelped and yanked his hand back out swiftly as suddenly a trap was sprung, and a snare closed. If his hand had still been in there, it might have broken his fingers. He took a few steps back, startled eyes still fixed on the trap. So the garden wasn't for growing plants. It was for luring animals. Dib was half-tempted to try and figure out what on earth Zim did with the animals once he got them, but he had no interest in nearly breaking his other hand. He warily turned around, heading to the backdoor.

Zim didn't spend a lot of time in the back room on the house-level (actually Dib had never seen anyone go there at all) so Dib was confident he wouldn't get caught yet as he closed the door behind him. The floor was purple and the walls green like in the living room, but there was no furniture, or little pictures hanging on the wall. It was completely empty, vacant except for the specks of dust floating in the air, visible in the sunlight streaming from the window. The lights were off, but Dib could see well enough for now. It would be harder to see once the sun started going down, but that's what he had night vision for.

Still careful to leave no evidence, Dib crossed the floor into the kitchen. It had always seemed a gross room to him. Well-kept, but old. Like it had been neglected for a long time before someone started taking care of it again. He knew it was sterile, but the ancient grease stains clinging to the edge of every appliance didn't escape his attention as he made his way to the elevator.

It was an observation he'd made after years of breaking in; there were six, maybe seven elevators hidden around the house. Each of them went to a different room or hallway down below. The system was built for efficiency, so Zim could get wherever he wanted faster. But it was built for only one Irken to use. When one elevator went down, they all went down, so that Zim could take any elevator back up he wanted. Which meant that while Zim was in the lab, Dib wouldn't be able to use any of the elevators. He was stuck up here.

Well, not necessarily. While elevators, antigravity devices, swings, and pulleys were used to get Zim around in the lab, Gir had a whole other system. Vacuum tubes. They were narrow pipes, leading in and out of every room, branching off into other rooms, so Gir could go wherever he wanted. Thing was, they only went one way. They sucked him up and spat him out, and he had to take a whole different vacuum tube to get back. Dib didn't know the vacuum tubes well enough yet to navigate them without getting lost, and, honestly, he was a little afraid to try. The vacuums must be very powerful if they could move a heavy metal robot from one place to another so fast. They might not be safe for a human.

Nope. Dib had a whole other idea.

He crossed to the trash can elevator and lifted the lid. The elevator was down in the lab, so he couldn't use it, but the chute was still open. He looked around for something to tie his rope to, and eventually decided to use the door knob. It was sturdy enough. He used a cool knot that Agent Metalman had shown him how to do a few years ago, and after a few experimental tugs, he deemed it safe to start his descent. Biting his lip nervously, he lowered himself down.

The most part of the rope was coiled around his arm, to release as he went and catch him if his hands slipped. It was a little trick he'd picked up from some of the other agents when they were investigating mountain trolls. Granted, it had broken several arms and given a lot of people nasty rope burns, but none of them were experienced mountain climbers, and it's not like they had thought to bring harnesses and stuff. It was all Dib could think of.

He released a tiny bit of the rope, putting his feet against the wall. He'd done some pretty impressive climbing before (if he did say so himself) but never on such a smooth surface with so little room to work with. He found his hands sweating, alarmingly slippery against the rope. But he released just a little more and moved down just a little further. Maybe he could make it if he just took it slow.

And then suddenly the rope holding him up went limp. Dib cried out, hands squeezing it like it was his lifeline; because, after all, it _was_ his lifeline. And he could feel himself falling, the pit of fear in his stomach making him feel alarmingly heavy. He clung to the rope with all his strength, even though it wasn't holding him up.

Then, suddenly, he was jerked to a stop, and the rope went tight again.

There was a moment of silence, punctuated only by the lingering echo of Dib's terrified shout. His eyes were wide, staring at the wall just beyond his trembling hands. What just happened? It took a moment for Dib to recover himself before glancing up. He cursed his own stupidity. Why the heck had he tied the rope to a _door knob_? The door had opened, that's all it was. The rope felt a little less sturdy now, but it was just the door swinging. Dib sighed in relief and looking pointedly at his hands. Not up, not down, at his hands. The only things he could control at the moment.

He slid down a little further, gaining confidence with every bit of progress he made. It got easier as he went on, since he didn't have to worry about falling as far. Dib eventually decided to stop and take a few pictures of the inside of the elevator chute. Maybe it would be handy to know how the elevators worked next time he broke in. He held on tightly to the rope with one hand, and reached down with his other to find his camera. Grinning, he photographed the pulleys and wires that made the elevator work. He didn't know a lot about hardware (he was more of a software guy) but maybe if he sent the photos to an agent who did, he would get some useful information back.

"Hey!"

Dib was so startled by the sudden voice, that his camera slipped out of his hand, falling into the seemingly endless chute below. It was such a long fall, he couldn't even hear the sound of it hitting the bottom. Not that he cared. Clinging to the rope with both hands again, he glanced up at the source of the voice. The robot's glowing blue eyes almost blinded him in the dim of the elevator chute.

"Uh, hi, Gir," He said, pasting on a smile. "I, um, I was just-"

"You tryin' to pull yer arm off?" The robot asked, perplexed but curious.

Dib was startled. "What?"

"Master says that's what humans do with their teeth." Gir replied matter-of-factly. Count on Gir to believe every word Zim said. "An' they tie 'em to a string, an' tie the string to a door, an' then they close the door so their teeth come out."

Dib, suddenly a little panicked, shook his head vigorously. "No, no, no, that's not what I'm doing! I'm, uh-"

"Why do they do that?"

"Do what?"

"Pull their teeth out."

Dib shifted his hands along the rope. They were beginning to sting. "Well, when kids grow up, their teeth- I mean- I'm not- oh just forget it!"

"Forget what?"

If Dib were not holding to a rope for dear life, he might have face-palmed. "Look, I'm not trying to yank my arm off, okay?"

"Why not?" asked Gir in that infuriatingly innocent way of his.

"Why n- why aren't _you_?!"

Gir actually seemed to consider that. "I don't know," he finally said.

Dib shifted his hands again. They were really starting to hurt. He wanted to hurry up and get back to climbing so he could just get it over with. "Well, when you figure it out, come back and tell me. But right now I really need to-"

"You want me to rip your arm off?" asked Gir, still not understanding.

"What?!" Dib shouted, wide eyes returning to the robot.

"Well, I was like _'Why aren't you gonna rip yer arm off?'_ an' you was like, _'Why aren't _you_ rippin' meh arm off?'_ an' I was like, _'I dunno,'_ an' you were like-"

"I KNOW WHAT I SAID!" Dib shouted, losing his patience. And perhaps a small portion of his sanity. Gir could do that to you. "No, I do NOT want you to rip my arm off! I LIKE having limbs!"

"Whyyyy?" asked the annoying robot.

"Why are we even _having_ this conversation?" Dib snapped. His hands were seriously hurting, and he was becoming quickly confused.

"CUZ JOE-BOB FLOBBIN-HA SAYS IT'S GOOD TO HAVE CLOSURE!" Gir wailed, falling to his knees.

"Who's Joe-Bob Flobbin-Ha?"

"I DUNNO!" Gir shouted. "He was on a late night talk show I was watchin'!"

"Ooh, which one?"

"I DUNNO!"

"Well don't go yelling at me because you can't be bothered to remember the names of the talk shows you watch!"

"I WAS LISTENING TO A 'JUSTA BEAVER' SONG WHILE I WAS WATCHIN', SO I DIDN'T PAY ATTENTION!"

"Well whose fault is tha- Wait, why are we talking about this?"

"Closure," Gir reminded him.

"Why do we nee- Hey! We don't need closure!"

"We don't?"

"No! I'm dangling from a rope hundreds of feet above the ground, and you're up there talkin' to me about violent amputation, Justa Beaver, late night talk shows, and some guy named Joe-Bob Flobbin-Ha, who thinks we need closure. You haven't even asked me why I'm here!"

"Oh..." said Gir. "Why are you here?"

"I.. aw man I forgot my excuse. Just take this tuna and go away."

Gir complied happily and left.

The elevator chute was suddenly dark and quiet again. Dib gave a echoing sigh and started climbing down, wincing at the stinging in his hands.

And it took a long time. A really long time. The further he got, the darker and hotter it became. Beads of sweat began forming on his forehead, which he didn't stop to brush away. He began to wonder if it was a dumb idea to climb down in the first place. He didn't even know if his rope would be long enough.

But soon he could see a firey red glow beneath him, the glow of Zim's lab. It couldn't be too far now. With an eager grin, he sped up. Soon he could see the floor just about six feet below him and let go of the rope, landing loudly on the ground. He winced at the sound, and quickly gathered himself into the shadows. It probably wouldn't help much since he knew Zim had night vision, but it was a very handy habit he'd picked up chasing werewolves.

Zim's lab was nothing like the other labs Dib had been in. The place was huge. And it wasn't built for simplicity or navigation. It was built specifically for an Irken to navigate, which meant that without a Pak, Dib wasn't going to get very far. There were giant pits he'd need antigravity to get across, giant leaps between ledges he'd need Pak legs to get through. He really wasn't equipped to be in here. But of course he was going to try anyway.

It had always been confusing to him why Zim would want his lab to be so needlessly hard to navigate. But when he stepped back, and looked at Irkens more as a species than a culture, it kinda made sense. Maybe they had some natural need to move around, exercise their entire bodies regularly and burn off energy? It would explain a lot about the way Zim acted. Maybe this is the way it was on Irk; maybe Irkens were built to live underground in dark, warm, dingy labyrinths. He really had no way to investigate further into it yet, but he thought it was a pretty sound hypothesis.

He edged slowly out of the shadows and started looking for his camera. He found it lying a few feet away, but the lens was cracked. He sighed and picked it up. Maybe he'd still be able to get the photos out of it. Tucking it away, he began to look around.

The chamber he was in was mostly empty, but it still seemed claustrophobic, because the walls were made completely of metallic wires, stretching in spidery, ragged patterns. They glowed in the dim red light which seemed to come from nowhere. The air was hot and stuffy, and had a choking smell like smoke and melting metal. Even the floor under his feet was hot to the touch; like it was the only thing between him and a roaring furnace below. It was unnerving... but also really cool.

After glancing around the room, he lifted up his hands for inspection. Yep. Rope burns. But was he surprised? He sighed. He was sustaining more and more injuries every time he tried to mess with Zim. But it wasn't like he could just take a vacation. This was the fate of the world he was talking about!

Well, maybe he should have a few other Swollen Eyeball agents help him on missions. He did have the power to do that now, he realized. Dang, why hadn't he thought of that?

But Dib's attention span really wasn't long enough to care about that for very long. He was fascinated by the chamber he had found himself in, and, after making sure his stealth suit was still working, he walked along the edge of the room towards what looked like a doorway. It was actually kind of hard to tell what was what when it came to Irken architecture (it seemed designed to confuse.) But he relied on his instincts, his wit, and his eenie-meanie-minie-moe.

The doorway, or, more accurately, the hole in the wall, led to a narrow tunnel. Really narrow. Dib grimaced as he poked his head into it. It was barely big enough for him to crawl through, and it was pitch dark in there. How did Zim live like this?

"Darn space-ant" He grumbled as he squeezed into it and started moving.

The tunnel was thankfully short though, so he hadn't been crawling too long when he came to the opening. It was really hard to see into the room, though; the only source of light was an eerie red glow from somewhere on the wall just outside the tunnel, out of view. Dib hunkered in the end of the tunnel for a while, waiting for his eyes to adjust.

When they finally had, he scanned the room again. It was really big, which wasn't really surprising since most of Zim's major chambers were a lot bigger than they needed to be, with ceilings high enough to land a small plane in. He couldn't see much of the floor, but knowing Zim, it was probably just a circle of steel in the middle of the room being suspended by a web or metal-plated wires. Dib always hated sneaking around on those floors; they wobbled just slightly, giving them that rope-bridge effect that always made Dib feel like he was going to fall over. He pulled what Gaz had always called his "grinch face" and reached his hand out of the tunnel, towards the floor. Yep. He could feel the ridges of metal on the wires. Normally with these floors you'd have a solid pathway from the entrance to the main platform, but Dib guessed the tunnel wasn't the intended entrance. He'd have to cross the expanse of wires holding the floor up.

With a whisper of, "Aw man," Dib lowered himself from the tunnel to the wires. They were actually very sturdy, with so many of them, and all being thickly plated with metal. He'd seen Zim cross the wires like this dozens of times without twitching an antenna. Still, he couldn't stop imagining the image of himself somehow slipping between them, falling into whatever room was below. Not trusting them enough to stand up and simply walk across like Zim always did, he inched slowly on his hands and knees towards the platform, clutching one wire tightly in each hand. The gave way a little too much for comfort as he move across, but he took a shaky breath and kept going.

It was like walking across a net suspended above the ground, except Dib couldn't see what was below him. As he put his weight on his hands to keep moving, the wires parted just slightly, and he got a glimpse of the blackness below him. If he somehow slipped, he had no idea how far he would fall or what would await him at the bottom. Of course, he knew he wouldn't slip; he was much to light to strain the wires apart that much. That didn't stop his imagination from trying to scare him, though.

When he reached the platform, Dib pulled himself up and got to his feet, giving himself a minute to relax again. Sure, the floor still wasn't as sturdy as he was used to, but at least there was no way he would fall through it. He straightened his glasses, glancing around the room again now that he had a better view. He really ought to put on his night-vision goggles now, but he didn't like to use them unless he absolutely had to; he always had to fit them on over his glasses, which was terribly uncomfortable. Instead he saw by the red light on the wall by the tunnel entrance.

There was one of those weird Irken chairs, shaped like a crescent moon in the center of the platform, surrounded by two small monitors and a single keypad. They were all turned off, though, so Dib dismissed them. If he was going to investigate every little piece of technology he saw down here he'd be here all year.

There was a door on the opposite side of the room from the tunnel, which was probably the actual way in and out. There was a steel pathway leading up to it, just as Dib had expected. He wondered briefly is he should move on through the door or go back through the tunnel and snoop around somewhere else. To go back would mean crossing over the wires again, though, and his eenie-meanie-minie-moe was telling him that the door was a much better option. Shrugging, he started heading in that direction.

Then the doors opened.

Dib was so startled that he barely had time to check his stealth suit on and dive out of the way before Zim strode into the room, his long strides making him look bigger than he actually was. He walked right past Dib towards the chair, causing him to slump with relief. He'd never had a chance to use the stealth suit on Zim before, but apparently it worked. Thank goodness.

The Irken threw himself side-ways across the chair, which looked really uncomfortable to Dib, but Zim seemed fine with it. He batted at an antenna with his hand for a second, as if there was dust or something on it that was bugging him. Then he sat up, grabbed the edge of the key panel, and pulled his chair closer so he could press the buttons easily.

Dib glanced towards the door. Darn. It was already shut. He'd have to wait until Zim was done and follow him out or his cover would be blown.

Whatever Zim was doing, he seemed very casual about it, so it couldn't be too terribly important. Still, Dib got a little closer out of curiosity. If he was going to be here for a while, he might as well make the most of it. But even if Zim couldn't see him, Dib was careful to keep his distance. He knew how sensitive an Irken's antennae were.

Zim reached forward and pressed a large, square button, holding it down. "Gir," he said aloud, probably into a microphone or something. Dib noted that his voice sounded kind of hoarse, as if he hadn't spoken for a while. That was a rarity. "Are you back yet?"

"Uh huh," said the robot's little voice from a speaker. Suddenly Dib's stomach dropped. He hoped the little guy wouldn't tell Zim about their encounter. "We was lookin' for slugs, but the cheese stayed on the the grass cuz the sled squished it flat so we just had to walk."

… What?

If Zim was as confused as Dib was, he hid it well. "Who's 'we,' Gir?" he asked, holding the button down again.

"Me and Pinkie," said Gir's voice. "She's nice."

As interesting as the conversation was, Dib found himself focused on Zim's hand, resting on the key panel. His gloves were off, which wasn't too unusual. He'd seen Zim's hands without the gloves before. But he'd never seen that scar before. It looked very recent too, curving from the middle of the back of his hand down to the outside of his wrist. Had Zim scratched himself on accident or something? The mark was the almost the same as the marks Zim left with his claws, but... bigger. Was he attacked by one of his test subjects?

"Oh whatever," said Zim. He shifted in his chair so his feet could rest on top of one of the little monitors. "Just go check my snares. Bring me back whatever you find, and reset the ones that have gone off."

"Even the ones in the woods?" asked Gir

"Yep."

"M'kay." said Gir. And then, "How do you reset them again?"

Zim rolled his glowing red eyes. "Don't worry about it," he said. "I guess I'll do it later."

He must have been done talking to Gir because he leaned back in his chair and began brushing his antenna again. Dib shifted nervously behind him, glancing at the door. He hoped Zim would be finished soon.

Zim sat up again and began fiddling with one of the monitors, turning it on. He opened some alien website and logged on. Curious, Dib looked over his shoulder. . Hmm. It looked like a social website. He mentally cursed his luck. Zim could be on for hours.

The Irken joined some chatroom and began to type. With nothing better to do, Dib read over his shoulder.

_Zim: who's on?_

Almost instantly came the replies.

_Skoodge: Me! Hey, Zim!_

_Raz: Who's Zim?_

_Lax: Heyz wuts up_

Dib raised his eyebrows. Next to the names of the other people on the chatroom were profile pictures of Irkens. Zim was communicating with other invaders! His interest perked, Dib began to pay more attention. It was probably just a social conversation, but the idea that Zim could talk to other Irkens of his same rank hadn't occurred to him. It might mean trouble for Earth.

_Zim: i am zim!can you notread my name?_

_Skoodge: Relax, dude._

_Raz: The same Zim who got the secret mission at the Great Assigning?_

Secret mission?

_Zim: how did you know abut my secrit mision?_

_Raz: Well they do broadcast the Great Assigning all over the galaxy sooo... yeah. _

Dib took note of that.

_Zim: UR LYING!_

_Lax: LOL_

_Skoodge: You haven't come on in a while, Zim. How you been? I haven't seen you since Hobo 13._

Dib wished he could take out his notebook and start taking notes. Instead he repeated important things he read in his mind so he could put them with the rest of his information later. Maybe watching Zim chat over his shoulder wasn't such a waste of time after all.

Dib almost snorted at himself. He was in a stealth suit, invisible, watching Zim as he chatted online. _This _would be a story to Email Agent Nessie about when he got home.

_Zim: zim hasbeen amazig! One sucess after anohtr of corse. im a jenious!_

_Lax: You'd think a genius would be able to spell it. :P_

_Raz: LOL Yeah. I can barely read what you're typing. XD_

_Skoodge: ...What did he say?_

_Lax: He said he's been good._

_Zim: -_-_

_Lax: LOL_

_Raz: You know, I read online that drinking milk can make you taller._

_Zim: WOAH hwere did THAT come from?_

_Skoodge: Doesn't milk come from mammals?_

_Raz: Yeah. Only females though, I think._

_Lax: whuts milk?_

_Zim: u dont nkow what milk is?_

Dib was biting his lip, trying not to laugh. He already knew Irkens weren't mammals, but it was funny to see them confirm it like that.

_Skoodge: It's that white stuff mammals feed their babies._

_Lax: Like, juice?_

_Skoodge: Yeah._

_Lax: Is it poisonous?_

_Zim: the kind they give u at urth skool sure is XD_

_Skoodge: Dude, Earth is spelled with an E._

_Raz: I don't think it's poisonous. I been drinking it so I can get taller._

_Zim: I hope is dizolvs ur insides. XP_

_Skoodge: How do mammals make milk come out of them, anyway? Do they, like, puke it up?_

_Raz: … I'm gonna be drinking a lot less milk now._

_Lax: LOL _

_Zim: brb_

Be right back? Where was Zim going?

Suddenly Zim spun around and socked Dib in the jaw.

It wasn't a hard punch, but it hit solidly and it caught Dib off guard, causing him to stumble back a few steps. Zim didn't look startled to see him at all. Actually, he looked as if he had been expecting it.

"Geez, Zim!" said Dib, rubbing his face where Zim had hit him. The blow itself hadn't actually hurt him that much, but he was just checking to see if Zim's claws had cut him. They hadn't. "How'd you know I was there?"

"You could say a little birdie told me you'd be coming," said Zim, gaze hardening, antennae coming forward over his eyes aggressively. "Also, I could hear you breathing. Do you think I'm deaf or something?" He flexed his claws.

Had Gir told Zim? Was that thing about slugs and cheese supposed to be code or something? Oh whatever. Dib's eyes flickered towards the tunnel. That would be the best escape route. He tucked that piece of information into the back of his mind and looked back at Zim. The Irken had beaten him in a fight two times in a row; that wouldn't be happening again.

"What do you want?" growled Zim.

"Well, I want to save the Earth,"responded Dib. "That would be nice. Also I'd like my computer back please."

"Get out!"

Yeah, he probably would any other day. But today Dib had come prepared, and he was in the mood to do something reckless. "As soon as you hand over my computer," he said with a cheesy grin, putting his hand on his water pistol.

Of course that wasn't going to happen. Instead, Zim jumped forward and slashed downwards at Dib with his claws. Dib dodged with a quick step back. He could still feel the wind as the claws zipped through thin air. "Aha!" shouted Dib.

With a grunt of anger, Zim took another step forward, hooking with his right claw at Dib chest. Dib tried to dodge again, quickly shifting his weight to his left, but Zim's claws caught on the edge of his shirt, allowing the Irken to easily pull him forward. Dib shouted again as Zim dragged him closer with his right claw and threw a punch at him with his left. His glasses skidded across the room.

Dib yanked his water pistol out of his pocket and surprised Zim by squirting him in the eye. Zim yelped and let go, stumbling a few steps back to rub his eye with his knuckles. Dib took the opportunity to tackle him, holding him down by the shoulders.

"So where are you keeping it?" He grunted. Zim struggled underneath him, trying to turn on his side, but Dib shoved him down again with his knees. As long as Zim was pressed against the ground like this, he wouldn't be able to activate his Pak legs. "My computer, where is it?"

"What's so important about it anyway?" Zim growled. He kicked Dib in the stomach, forcing him away, and rolled to his feet.

Dib rose up too, coughing slightly from the blow. "Ah, nothing," he lied easily. Actually he had a whole lot of secret information about the Swollen Eyeball on that computer. Apparently Zim didn't know that, though, so Dib would play along. "I don't see why you went to the trouble to steal it in the first place."

"... You left it on the porch. I just picked it up. There was no trouble involved."

"Yeah," Dib admitted. "But... gimme it back anyway."

"Eh...No." said Zim.

So Dib tried to tackle him again.

This time Zim dodged to the side, sending Dib pinwheeling his arms to keep from falling. Zim pushed him from behind, and he collided painfully with the ground, head smacking loudly against the steel.

"You have a very thick skull," Zim noted, putting a foot on Dib's back.

Dib groaned.

* * *

Well, that went well. Dib walked back home, sighing. He always got caught in the end, but at least he got further each time. At least he got some new information for next time. At least he didn't live too far away.

He closed he door absentmindedly behind him and went straight for the kitchen sink. Gaz was hanging out at the arcade, and his dad was on his day off, probably out playing bowling with other scientists. Dib had the house all to himself for now so he didn't have to worry about any questions.

He washed his face and his hands, enjoying the cool water for a while before he shut it off and dried off with a towel. He grabbed a suck monkey from the fridge and flopped onto the couch, turning on the TV. There was nothing very interesting on, but at least he could pull up one of those half-tolerable super hero cartoons.

… Okay, maybe a little more than half-tolerable.

He'd tuned in toward the end of the episode, but most of them had the same pattern, so he wasn't too far out of the loop. Batman was falling off a skyscraper, looking for his grappling bat thingy. Dib sucked on his suck monkey, watching with half-lidded eyes. As stupid and predictable as this show could be, it was kind of addicting.

When the episode was over, and the Penguin had made his escape, Dib switched off the TV and tromped upstairs, flopping onto his bed. What time was it? He craned his neck and looked at his digital clock. Only one in the afternoon, but it felt so much later. He was just about ready to fall asleep.

"_Agent Mothman?" _a familiar voice said from the monitor on his desk._ "Hellooooo? Mothman?_"

Dib jumped in surprise and whirled around toward his desktop computer, eyes wide. The monitor had pulled up videochat without his consent, and displayed there was Agent Nessie's face, hidden in shadow so Dib could only see his silhouette. "_Hey,_" he said when he had Dib's attention. "_How's it going?"_

"Agent Nessie?" Dib asked, quickly composing himself. "I didn't start a videochat. How did-"

"_Oh, I hacked your computer,_" said Nessie simply. "_I'm pretty good at that. Now listen up, cause this is important. Something big happened._"

"What?" replied Dib, catching onto the seriousness. "What is it?"

"_A mass murder at the insane asylum_," He 's eyes widened, and he leaped off the bed, closer to the monitor. _"Everybody's dead. The patients, the guards, the doctors, everyone. There are no witnesses left alive. Police investigators can't find anything."_

Dib gasped. "Do they know how they died?"

"_No,_" said Nessie. "_They shouldn't even be dead. They're perfectly healthy. Er, physically anyway. That's why Shadowbutt over here-"_

There was a indignant grunt in the background.

_"-thinks something spooky is afoot. He wants us to check it out. You in?_"

Dib nodded. "Where am I meeting you?"

"_Usual place as soon as you can get there. I'll be waiting for you._"

"Alright. See you in ten minutes."

* * *

Quin burst excitedly into Fuz's base, shutting the door a little too loudly behind her. "Fuz?" she called, looking around with perked antennae. The older Irken was nowhere to be seen. "Computer? Where is Fuz?"

"_The mistress is still in the labs, Quin,_" responded the automated female voice. "_She has completed updates on the Standard Information Retrieval Unit._"

"Oh," said Quin. "So... can I go down there now?"

"Affirmitive."

"M'kay," said Quin. She shifted awkwardly. "Can you, um, take me down there?"

There was no verbal response, but Quin wobbled slightly as the floor began to lower out beneath her feet, pinwheeling her arms to keep from losing her balance. It took her to a dark room in the labyrinth of the labs, full of jagged wires, casting eerie shadows across the walls and floors. The smell of chemicals and smoke ran invisibly through the air, causing Quin to lower her antennae in an attempt to block them out.

Fuz was standing with her back to Quin, fiddling with something or other that Quin could care less about. Her antennae lifted a little as she heard the younger Irken's approach, and she turned her head, one cool, sharp eye looking at her. "Hello there, Quin," she said once Quin stepped off the platform, and it went back up. "Finally get bored of your little toys?"

"Nuh, huh!" said Quin, shaking her head excitedly. "I went outside and played with Gir."

"Gir?"

"Zim's SIR unit."

Fuz's eyes widened a fraction, her antennae perking with interest. "What were you doing playing with the rogue's SIR unit?"

Quin waved her hands. "No, no, no, I didn't invite him or anything; I was just playing by myself, and he popped out, and we went slug-hunting, and, um, that's not the point. Look!" She pulled Mushroom out from behind her back, holding him in front of her to show Fuz. The older invader didn't look all that surprised to see him; she must have smelled him when Quin came in.

"Is that a slug?" she asked, looking at it with mild disgust.

"Uh, no," said Quin, examining Mushroom more closely. Was he a slug? She had no idea what he was, to be honest. "At least I don't think so. Gir said slugs are slimy, but Mushroom isn't really slimy at all..."

"Mushroom?" Fuz turned all the way toward her now, leaving whatever thing she was fiddling with on the desk. Her antennae raised slightly to show her superiority, and Quin's lowered in response. "Is that a name? You don't want to keep it, do you?"

Quin nodded, bringing Mushroom to her chest.

"Oh Quin, I don't think that's a good idea..."

"Why not!" Quin hugged Mushroom tightly, eyes wide. "I love him, Fuz! And I can take care of him, and keep him in my room- you won't even know he's here!"

Fuz sighed, sharp midnight eyes looking at Mushroom. Apparently feeling her gaze, Mushroom pulled his shy little green head into his shell. "I better not," she said sternly. "Because one toe out of line, and that little monster is going right back where you found him."

Quin's face immediately brightened. "Thanks, Fuz!" she said. She shifted Mushroom to one hand and ran up to give Fuz a one-armed hug, which was met with a pat on the head and a order to get off.

* * *

The sun was drooping in the sky, about half way to the horizon. Ahead of him, Dib could see a familiar black sedan parked by the side of the road, under the usual street lamp. He ran up to it, popping his tall collar to hide his face a bit more. It would be better if no one knew who he was; he didn't need the passersby to tell Professor Membrane that they had seen his son climbing into a strange car.

"Gone _fishin_' lately?" He asked the driver of the vehicle as he approached. He could already see it was Nessie, but he was supposed to make sure.

"Yep," Nessie replied, taking off his sunglasses to show gray-green eyes. "_Moths_ make pretty good bait." Without another word, the older agent unlocked the door, and Dib crawled in, buckling up. Under normal circumstances they would talk and laugh, but today they just stared forward at the window as Nessie started the car and began down the road.

"The cops found something interesting while you were getting here," said Nessie, turning the radio down, but loud enough so they could still hear it. "A note written real little on the bottom of one of the cell walls."

Dib raised his eyebrows. "What's it say?"

"I dunno. They say it was in another language they can't identify. It could have been written by the crazy guy in the cell, but we'll have to check it out to be sure. I don't think they were allowed to have pens..."

A green light up ahead turned red, but Nessie ignored it, driving through the intersection without heed. Dib's eyes widened, and he grabbed the edge of his seat. "Dude! You just ran a red light!"

"So?" Nessie rolled his eyes. "I run red lights all the time."

Dib threw his hands into the air with exasperation and shook his head with disbelief. "And I ask you to drive me places."

"Aw, it's just cause you like me," said Nessie, rolling his eyes again. "Everybody likes me. I'm a likable guy."

"Don't push it."

The sedan moved quickly among the other cars like a blur of black and silver. Twice they nearly got pulled over for speeding, but Nessie was well practiced at avoiding those problems. Soon the agents arrived at the asylum, and the sedan came to an abrupt stop, pulling swiftly to the side.

Dib and Agent Nessie emerged from the car, slamming their doors shut and walking forward with determination in their faces. The building was swarming with police officers and yellow tape, red and blue sirens flashing everywhere. Dib took it all in with a deep breath and followed Nessie with long, purposeful strides. This was the first time he had ever investigated anything officially. He wanted it to be memorable.

"Woah!" A pot-bellied police man shouted with a southern drawl, running toward them and waving his arm vaguely. "Hey, you aren't allowed here! It's, uh, it's a crime scene! Like, something bad happened here. We have to, like, stand here and stuff."

"We're with the Swollen Eyeball agency," said Nessie. He and Dib reached into their pockets, pulling out their badges. "I'm Agent Nessie, and this is Agent Mothman. We're here to investigate for paranormal activity."

The police man's eyes widened. He lifted a walkie talkie to his mouth from his belt. "Hey, chief! There are a couple of really creepy dudes here!"

The chief answered, "_What do they want?_"

"They say they're part of the Swollen Eyeball agency. They got badges and everything!"

There was a pause as if the chief were thinking something over, and then he asked, "_What do the badges look like?_"

"They're all shiny like!" The poor officer seemed a little intimidated. Dib found himself grinning with amusement.

"_Hmm... Well, in that case, let 'em through._"

The police man hooked the device back on his belt loop, and forced a smile at the agents. "Well, the chief says you can go through, so you go ahead," he drawled. "Try not to touch nuthin'. It's all evidence, it is."

"Absolutely," said Nessie, adopting a more friendly tone. "Thank you, sir. Have a good night."

They waved half-hearted good byes, and made there way towards the building. Dib straightened himself out, mentally preparing himself for whatever he might see. He'd never been to a murder scene before. What if it looked like one of Gaz's creepy video games? He was expecting blood crusted on the walls, bodies laying left and right...

The doors were opened, and Dib flinched, ducking his head. No bodies could be seen yet. No blood, no anything. But apparently that was because no one had been in this part of the building at the time of the murder. He followed Nessie, keeping close.

"Nervous?" Asked the older agent, smirking down.

"I've never been at a crime scene before," said Dib, face twisting apprehensively. "Will there be blood?"

"No," replied Nessie. "But there will be bodies. There's just no blood because they didn't die violently. Or maybe they did, I don't know. There _are_ signs of struggling."

"Sure," mumbled Dib. "_That's _reassuring. Let's just get it over with."

They advanced side by side, and pushed the double doors open with as much mature authority as a thirteen-year-old and a guy just out of college could manage. The inside of the building was even more busy than the front. Crime Scene Investigators were taking photos, writing notes, sketching, and walking around, looking at everything, and touching nothing. Dib watched them owlishly with fascination. They made every observation, noted every detail, looked from every angle. He may know nothing about crime scenes, but even he could see that these CSIs knew what they were doing.

"Excuse me, miss," Nessie said politely as he tapped on of the investigators on the shoulder. She was a pretty young woman with short, curly blond hair, bent over to take a close-up picture of a clipboard one of the doctors had dropped on the floor. "If you have a minute, do you think you could brief us on the situation?"

She stood up from her crouched position, and brushed a stray lock of hair from her face. "Oh, hi," she said with a faint British accent, fluttering her eyelashes appealingly at Nessie. Dib frowned when he saw Nessie respond with a boyish smirk. "Sorry. My name is Solina. And you are...?"

"Agent Nessie," he said, shaking her hand. "And this is Agent Mothman. We're from the SE."

"Ooh," Solina fluttered her eyes again. She didn't seem to find it weird that someone Dib's age could be a secret agent. "Sounds important."

"Yeah," said Dib, interrupting the conversation with his harsh, flat tone. "And urgent."

"Oh, sorry," said Solina, though she didn't sound it. She took another step toward Nessie, flipping her hair flirtatiously. "So...What did you say you needed?"

"A briefing on the situation," replied Nessie with a smirk. "And maybe a dinner date. That'd be- _OW!" _

Nessie was promptly cut off when Dib stomped on his foot, and hissed, "_Nessie!_" harshly under his breath.

Solina giggled. "Oh, you are _cute_," she said. "Anyway, it's a pretty tough case. Everyone dead, and its hard to tell if it's a murder or not. The best thing we've got is some weird note they drew on the wall. We just can't read it. Would you like me to show it to you?"

"Yes please," said Nessie, grinning at her. Dib rolled his eyes.

They left the room silently, and walked through a long white hall, lined with doors. Dib's eyes widened. There were bodies here, lying stiffly on the floor, their faces fixed into expressions of sheer terror. One other Crime Scene Investigator was looking them over, taking pictures and notes. He only acknowledged them with a nod, and wrote something down.

"What happened to them?" Dib asked quietly, as he looked down at a dead woman, leaning heavily against the wall. Nessie shrugged, looking down at her too.

"I don't know," he said solemnly.

"Well there are some clues we found," Solina sighed. "For one, we can infer that it was not a sneak attack. You can see from the victims' faces that they saw what it was before it killed them, and several of the bodies are close together, as if they were being restrained all at once by the same person. There are signs that they tried to flee, but the culprit caught them. Oh, here's something interesting. Look."

Solina pointed at the floor, and Dib leaned in, squinting his eyes. It was very small, and he would have missed it if it hadn't been pointed out, but at the same time, it was unmistakable. Scratch marks.

"Look up," said Solina. "You can see some on the ceiling too."

"The_ ceiling_?" Dib repeated disbelievingly, looking up. But there they were. More scratch marks.

"Do you have any idea where those came from?" asked Nessie, taking off his shades to see the scratches better.

"No," said Solina. "I've never seen anything like it. Neither has anybody else apparently. We've come up with boatloads of theories, but none of them really fit. My best theory is that the murderer had throwing knives." She shrugged. "But that's dumb. There are no wounds, no blood, no dropped knives, and, really, who throws a knife at the ceiling? But they just look so much like knife marks!" She smiled at Nessie, ignoring Dib as if he weren't even there. "But maybe a smart SE agent like you has a better theory?"

Nessie blushed, "Heh, heh..."

Dib cleared his throat. The whole situation made him nervous, and he wanted to get out of here as soon as he could. "I'm sure he doesn't, and neither do I. So, the note?"

"Oh, right," Solina looked a little embarrassed, taking a step away. "Um, down this way. C'mon."

Dib and Nessie exchanged glances, and followed.

They followed her down the hall, glancing apprehensively at all the corpses laying around. No one moved them from where they were; even the position they lay in was evidence. CSIs ignored them as they walked by, taking pictures and writing observations.

"Hey," Nessie finally said. "Don't they have any security footage of what happened?"

"I wish it were that simple," sighed Solina. "but whoever the murderer is, they knew what they were doing. After they took out everyone in the building, the broke into the security room and hacked into the system. They erased all the footage from the entire day. I guess they didn't mind making it obvious there was a murder."

"They broke into the room, and used the equipment?" asked Dib. "Well, didn't you look for finger prints on the buttons and stuff?"

"Well, of course!" Solina rolled her eyes. "But they didn't leave any. I don't think they used their fingers at all. They are tiny scratches on the keys; smaller than the ones in the hallways. I think the culprit used a needle or something to press the buttons."

"Oh," Nessie scratched his head. "Well how come no one tried to call the police?"

"I guess they blocked the telephone signal before they broke in. It's back up now."

"Dangit, they're smart," said Nessie. "I hate it when the bad guys are smart."

"You still haven't seen the note," said Solina, speeding up. Agents Nessie and Mothman followed her hastily. They traveled down the straight hallway, past the doors to cells. Dib, who had admittedly been to the asylum a few times, actually knew this hallway pretty well. It was a lot different to be walking down with a badge then being dragged along in a straight jacket.

"Here. This is it." Solina pushed open the door to one of the cells and stepped inside, followed by the boys. It was a small room, with only a bed and a toilet to make it seem even smaller. Another CSI was bent to the floor, shining a flashlight under the bed.

"Excuse me," Solina said, tapping him on the shoulder. "A couple Swollen Eyeball agents need to take a quick peek at the message. Do you mind?"

Wordlessly he handed her his flashlight and got out of their way.

Solina pointed the flashlight under the bed and stood to the side. "We're not supposed to move the bed because it's evidence, so you'll have to peek under there," she explained. "It's on the wall on the other side, but you look real closely, you'll see that it's in another language. It was written very recently too. The ink was still wet when we found it.

Nessie crouched down and turned his head to the side, trying to see the message. "I see it," he said. "But I can't make it out. Mothman, I think you're small enough to squeeze in there. Borrow my camera and take a picture."

Without question, Dib took the camera from Nessie and wiggled his way under the bed. Once he got his head in there, it was pretty easy. He moved on his belly, keeping his head low.

It was dark under the bed. Too dark to see the message. "Hand me the flashlight," he said and reached his hand back. He waited until he felt the cold metal of the device in his hand before he brought it forward, pointing it at where the message would be.

His eyes widened as he saw the message scrawled into the wall. It looked as if someone had slashed it into the wall with a knife and, somehow, the wall was bleeding black ink. That's not what caught Dib's attention, though.

His eyes narrowed. "Zim..." He growled. It did make a scary kind of sense. The scratches on the buttons in the security room had to be from his claws, and the ones in the hallway from his Pak legs. The alien did have a weird way of taking up as much space as he could whenever he was using those, even if it meant using the ceiling.

"What's wrong?" asked Nessie. "What is it?"

"Hang on..." Dib took a moment to snap a picture, and then crawled out from under the bed. He looked up at the three adults that we watching him nervously. "I know what language it's in."

"Really?" said Solina hopefully.

Dib nodded. "It's in Irken."

"Irken..." Nessie scratched the back of his neck thoughtfully. "You mean like the alien?"

"That's exactly what I mean."

"Well," Nessie clapped his hands in a 'matter is closed' sort of way. "Now we have a heading. What did the note say?"

"Er," Dib looked at him sideways. "I can recognize it. I can't read it. But I have some equipment at home I can use to translate it. I just need the photo."

"Here," said Nessie, giving him his camera. "You had better not break this- it's a really expensive camera."

"Wait a second," said Solina. "What's Irken? Is it, like, a country somewhere?"

"No," said Dib. He would have rolled his eyes, but he wanted her to catch onto the seriousness. "Irken is the language of an alien planet."

Solina blinked at him wordlessly. "Oh," she said after a moment's pause. "... you guys are funny! Aliens... I almost forgot the SE focused on paranormal stuff."

Nessie looked suddenly very nervous.

Solina noticed, and quickly tried to backtrack. "Er, not that there's anything wrong with that! It's just you know, I forgot."

Nessie chuckled nervously. "Heh, yeah. So... what I said about a dinner date...?"

"I'm open Tuesday," said Solina almost eagerly.

"Krazy Taco, seven o'clock, Tuesday night?"

"Sounds good to me_._"

Dib rolled his eyes. "Okay. Well, mister lady-killer, I think we should go report back to Agent Darkbootie. You coming?"

"What?" Nessie turned to Dib, looking a bit confused "Oh! Er, yeah. Let's go."

As they were walking away, Nessie turned around a waved. "See you, Solina."

"B'bye," she replied, waving flirtatiously.

* * *

Dib liked it in the familiar darkness in his room, where he could be alone (besides Larry the goldfish, which went without saying). He lay on his bed, chewing on the side of his glasses as he waited for his computer to finish translating the photo. It wasn't quite dark yet; six something in the afternoon? He didn't really care about the time enough to bother looking at his clock. He could just close the blinds, turn the light off, and pretend it was nighttime.

Frustrated and impatient, Dib finally stopped chewing on his glasses and put them back on, sitting up so he could see the computer screen. He may not have his laptop anymore -curse Zim- but his desktop computer was still in his room. A big green bar showed on the screen, demonstrating how much longer he would have to wait. Eighty seven percent finished, it said. Joy.

Darkbootie had been almost ecstatic when Dib had reported that the note was in Irken. It was a well-known fact among mystery-solvers that discovering that one mystery connected to another was huge. It was like discovering how two huge chunks of the same puzzle fit together.

Dib was pretty excited himself. He had three big mysteries on his plate- Zim, Agent Pine's haunted house, and this whole ordeal with the asylum. It was more than he was used to, as the Swollen Eyeball usually just let him run around, hunting Zim down however he pleased.

It was even more confusing now that the asylum mystery and Zim were somehow connected. Was Zim finally getting serious about conquering Earth? Why the heck would he start with the crazy house? Did it have something to do with his "secret mission?" It seemed this puzzle had more pieces than he had expected. And what about the haunted house? Did that have anything to do with anything, or was that a different puzzle altogether?

"Translation complete."

Dib got up immediately and scrambled to the computer, eyes wide with anticipation, hands shaking with excitement. What on earth would Zim have written on the wall after he murdered everyone in the building? He bit his lip, jumping up and down in his seat, hardly able to contain himself. Whatever his computer was about to show him would be a major piece of the puzzle. Oh why did it have to take so long?

The words finally appeared on the screen, and Dib's face fell.

No... that can't be right. That doesn't even make sense...

"Computer," Dib said, eyes not leaving the words on the screen. "Run a diagnostic of the translator."

The was a long pause before at last the computer said, "Diagnostic complete. Translator is fully functional."

"But..." Dib scratched his head, still staring at the screen. He wasn't sure exactly why Zim would want to write something in a foreign language in miniscule print on the bottom of a wall behind bed, but he was hoping for a hint or a clue, something to help move the mystery along. What he was seeing in front of him wasn't helpful at all. If anything, it was even more confusing.

"_**Welcome to the Prison of Souls.**_"

* * *

_**AN: Well, wasn't that fun? I hoped you liked it. Now review. Seriously.** _


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